Repairing The Damage - Sharing My Story

Welcome to the community, thank you for sharing your story. glad you could join us, anything we can assist you with let us know, wish you all the best on your journey

 

Welcome to NoFap!!!

 

Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone. It is still possible for you to beat this!

 

It sounds to me like you have a typical problem with PM, and like if you stop, you will feel a lot better. I hope you stick with this NoFap journey, as I know it will improve your quality of life and make you feel more like a man. You admit that you can only get aroused by pornographic images and video. This is definitely not normal; it is a symptom of porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED), which will go away when you stay away from PM.
You can do this. I encourage you to keep trying. Get free from the trap of PM!
Good luck!

 

It sounds like you are ready to start evolving past your comfort zone. GOOD JOB. I would continue to go along this path and explore intimacy one step at a time. Be patient with yourself, as for the SSRI issue. They can and often do cause sexual side effects I would talk to your provider about switching things up. However if you opt to stop taking your meds you need another cooping mechanism in place. Depression is a vicious little bastard, dont underestimate it. For relationships I would look into John Gottman he is an expert on long term relationships, there is a great special on YouTube for this purpose. Stay strong brother

 

"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it." - Muhammad Ali

Hey Man, thanks for sharing your story. Everyone on this website can relate to your situation in one way or another. Understand this, no you are not permanently broken and yes there is a way out and a path to a healthy and fulfilling sex life but it will take time, discipline, education and action.

The very first thing you need to do is remain mentally tough and believe wholeheartedly that there is a way out and that you are going to be ALL IN to attain it. I'm going to walk you through what I've learned and where you can learn more.

Neuroplasticity:
Neuroplasticity is the brains ability to rewire & reorganize itself. Meaning our brain are not permanently in a fixed state but are constantly changing. What you have essentially done over time is rewired your brain from naturally being attracted to real women to now being wired to become aroused by pixels on a screen and by your imagination of intimacy. This is neuroplasticity at work and what you will need to do is weaken this connection and begin to rewire your brain to be attracted to real women again.

Porn Addiction & Side Effects:
I highly recommend reading (Your Brain on Porn) which gets into this in great detail (I'm going to paraphrase the science here but highly suggest you look into this further) but essentially here is what is happening. You've flooded your brain with dopamine through consistent porn and masterbation over the years that your brain has become used to this super-stimulus. The consequences of this means that everyday pleasures become meaningless or don't even register within your reward system because the dopamine they produce is so low in contrast to this super-stimulus. Since your brain has adjusted to NEEDING A MASSIVE level of dopamine to feel aroused, reality begins to not measure up. (This on its own could very well be a major contributing factor to your depression).

Novelty & Escalation is another factor at play here. As a new video or new online partner gets introduced into the picture for you your dopamine levels jump way up, this is novelty (This is why people watch so many videos in one sitting, because the constant new content hijacks our brains and gets us super aroused). Over time your brain adjusts to this and you may find yourself seeking out more hardcore material, strange fetishes, genres of porn that don't align to your sexual orientation or what it sounds like in your case other channels to explore (Porn Videos to, texting to live video masteration ect...).

Side Effects (Not an Exhaustive List):

• Lack of Motivation to Pursue Real Women
• Social Anxiety (Timid around real life women)
• Depression (Everything seems dull)
• Erectile Dysfunction (Signal of arousal from your brain to dick has become weak & dependent on porn)
• Delayed Ejaculation
• Brain Fogginess
• Mood Swings
• Morphing Sexual Tastes (Hardcore fetishes new/disturbing material)
• Objectifying Women (Seeing a women and immediately jumping to a fantasy of you two sexually without interest in any emotional connection)
• Reality Doesn't Measure Up (A disconnect between your and your emotions. Porn always jumps to a sex scene and never focusing on the lead up and emotional connection which in real life is the most exciting part for most people) (Romance)

What You Need To Do:
1.) Immediately remove porn, masterbation, orgasm and any digital forums that provide sexual stimulation (No sexting, dating apps or even social media models) for at least 3 to 6 months to start (I'd recommend 6 months since its gotten pretty bad). Anything that is not a real life women, that is artificially stimulating your arousal circuitry needs to be cut off for a period of time. You have to let your brain heal itself and repair these damaged reward systems (Understand that this takes time and you will experience withdrawal symptoms). I highly recommend strictly sticking to this because what you will be doing is weakening these pathways that you have created for porn. After the 6 month marker start introducing sex into the picture to begin building newer and healthier pathways. Also during this time spend as much time as you can trying to build up the parts of intimacy that porn leaves out (The emotional connection to women).

2.) Prepare for the withdrawals and write down in advance every reason why you WILL NOT CAVE when these craving come on. Take time to get educated on the withdrawal symptoms so you have the tools necessary to combat it. Find a trusted friend or join a support group that will keep you accountable. Block all porn websites from your phone, do whatever is necessary to limit your exposure and prepare for the rough waters ahead.

3.) Get to the core fears. Porn in many cases is just a symptom of a larger issue (Maybe low self-esteem or self worth). It sounds like you've used porn as an outlet to manage stress so you'll need to get to the core of why you turn to porn in the first place. Its not uncommon for people to eroticis trauma. (For example someone with a verbally abusive, controlling and manipulative mother may develop a femdom fetish where they aroused by hardcore verbal degradation). We eroticis difficult circumstances to help us cope through it and process it, and if we don't get to the core (Such as low self-worth) and begin remedying those issues, these unhealthy attractions can become routine and even grow stronger as we feed them with Porn and the never ending sea of content of the internet.

4.) Mind, Body, Spirit. Mind = Intellectually understand and have clarity into what is going on/why you turn to porn (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Journaling & Reading). Body = Emotionally embody these insights and the desire to change (Get your body on the same page as your mind) (Meditation, EMDR Therapy & Somatic Therapy). Spirit = Have a relentlessly tough minded attitude that you are going to take your life back no matter what and get excited about it. See this as a challenge and get energized for what is ahead. Be ALL IN to make this happen.

Over time you will begin to recondition your brain and due to nueroplasticity will actually begin to make physically changes to its structure. Keep working with your therapist and ask him/her on ways your can begin to disentangle this addiction. Many men have overcome this and we're all on this journey together brother. Keep working.

Readings:
Your Brain On Porn - Gary Wilson
The Brain That Changed Itself - Norman Doidge (Chapter 4 Talks About Sexual Plasticity)

Get excited about this man you're literally about to change your life. For the first time in your life you're about to find out what your sexuality really is like and who you really are independent of Porn. You'll be amazed at all the ways it was hindering your life once you become more aware of its insidious effects. You're not alone & you can and will if you want it bad enough get to a point where you have a healthy, fulfilling and satisfying sex life.

Keep fighting & good-luck!

 

Hi, I am new to this site and I don't have a great deal of insight into these issues. However, I do know that our problems cannot be addressed until they are acknowledged, so speaking as openly and candidly as you have must be valuable in itself.
Take care.

 

Hi @MattDog, @Self-Actualized Men & @Feigenbaum's Rabbit, all the best to you! If you want to join 'The Matrix' challenge click here ---> 'The Matrix' <---