Getting frustrated seeing couples

Dont lose hope.

When i was starting out nofap last year, i do feel very jealous whenever i see couples displaying affection in public. It just makes me feel bad and sorry for myself and that gives me reasons to break my streaks.

Some questions i would like to ask (to myself as well) : So what if youre a single virgin? I am a single virgin too. But what else can i do? What can i contribute to the community around me? What am i doing this nofap thing for? Who am I to other people? Have i helped someone today?

When i look at couples again, i start to feel happy for them. Good for them that they found someone. Now what effort can i make today so that i can experience what they are experiencing today? Can I Observe them a bit more. Do they have a story behind their relationship? Did they fight yesterday? Are they newly met lovers? Interesting questions to explore by observation.

Just my 2 cents of opinion. All the best for your reboot!

A

 

Hey you sound just like me man. Of course, when I joined Nofap last year I was posting threads expressing my jealousy towards couples as well. I got a lot of mixed reviews, both constructively criticizing and encouraging. At that time, all I was doing was focusing on them and not on myself. Like nobingeing just said, you really don't know entirely what their relationship is like until you fully understand them and experience what they go through daily. You see them together for a split second and you assume that they're happily in love or something; they might be breaking pretty soon and maybe they're just hiding their true emotions towards each other.

My best advice is this: focus on yourself before you focus on girls and relationships. Comparing yourself and getting jealous at couples will do you no good and will only hurt you more. Trust me I know. I kept complaining on my threads until some guys told me bluntly "there is no way a girl would want someone who is always needy, insecure, emotional, and even whiny." As much as it hurts, it was the truth. So I took their advice. I focused on myself: my confidence, my health, my success, and so on. And believe me, it was fucking hard. But look at me now, I'm about to graduate college with dual majors and hopefully obtain high honors. When you do positive things like this, things will come naturally and your confidence will only grow. Focus on something that is important to you even though looking at couples could make you envious.

Take it from me, I'm 27 and still a virgin. But I took their advice and look where I am now. Because I was able to focus on myself and got to where I wanted to be, I was able to meet girls along the way. I've even interacted with them because we had a commonality of being in college and so on. I had fun with them to be honest. Who knows, I could have a girlfriend soon. And does being a virgin make you a loser or insignificant? Hell no! Think about the things that could of happened: you impregnate a girl accidentally and now your life is fucked. You would have had great opportunities and you would have had your whole life ahead of you. Trust me man, believe what I say. I took every one of those guys' advice and it was totally worth it. So find something to distract your mind and work on it. And if you keep being consistent, that girl will eventually come to you before you know it. I hope this helps. Good luck man!

 

I have gotten used to it over time, when all your friends get girlfriends(one friend even managed to get the girl i had a highschool crush on) and you pretty much have to hangout with them while they do their thing you just start to not even care about couples, this is coming from a guy who has had to lay there after nights in the town and listen to couples have sex. Not to mention i am the oldest(21) in the group and im the only virgin left, maybe its the harsh situation im in that made me not jealous of couples anymore.

 

The reason looking at couples makes you sad is because you feel like you're missing out on something, on a relationship, and you want it so bad that you feel depressed since you can't get it.

The truth is a relationship is hard work just like anything else, it's not always butterflies and rainbows. And if you're not cut out for it, which you aren't, because you want one so bad, then you wouldn't hold up under the pressure of one anyway.

The only way to be really ready for one is not to need one. Focus on yourself. Realize that you don't need a relationship to be happy. Find out how you will fulfill yourself without one. You can do it. Self-improvement is a good way to start.

Doing this, eventually you will work to such a point, that some relationship might come out of it.. but if it doesn't, so what? You don't need it. Enjoy your freedom instead.

At least, that's the way I see things. Take it with a grain of salt if you want, I feel like I'm half crazy sometimes.

 

Nothing wrong with feeling this way. You are yearning for something you don't have. Try and keep it positive though. Instead of saying "damn you happy couples in my face, go away I will be alone foreeeeeevaaaaaa". Say to yourself "I WILL have that some day". And focus all energy towards what that looks like in your mind. Positive focus always. Then focus on rebooting and becoming the best guy you can be so that you attract the girl you want!

 

you are great for those 27 . you have a huge will . kissing in the public is a bad manner . If you see that look away immediately . and think of the mercy of Allah and his many boons on you . the sadness is a normal emotion . but it will be harmful if it became a habit . try to be a better than your recent self . for me I am now regulating my sleep , building my self confidence , overcoming my mild social anxiety and purifying my life from any tiny P scene forever .

I have big goals and dreams but I understand finally that I will not achieve them If I ignore my defects . I am now reorganizing my life . And I declare my respect for myself .

be a better and don't compare yourself with other and declare to yourself that you are the most important person in your life . not a shame to live this month or to month away from facebook and twitter and have a long peaceful heart-to-heart sessions with your valuable self .

hope you a good entire life dear captain .

 

Wow i had the same problem as OP.
Its so helpful to read all the sincere replies from you people here.
Thanks

 

Two simple techniques I can suggest... Which I am also following and that has helped a lot.

1. When you see the couples kissing or romancing, change ur mind and look somewhere else. Breathout completely and hold for 10 secs... You will regain normalcy.
2. Have good cold bath that day.

 

Wow man, I've heard of cold showers, but never a cold bath! I'm not sure which would be more intense, I have taken cold showers before, but did not even think to take a cold bath! Maybe throw a big bag of ice in it too! That would cool your loins off.

When I see a woman I am attracted to in public, it basically strengthens my resolve to improve, you could say she inspires me to become a better man, it is like when I first spot her, and I never oogle I look away within 3 seconds, the first look is natural after all, she sends a charge of energy through me and makes me think how my progress is coming along in Life and motivates me to become the greatest version of myself. I think of becoming the kind of man she may want in her life, for I am still single, or also viewing her as a sister, Mother, or daughter.

As for the couples, the same rule of inspiration applies, I feel happy for them, and grateful as their presence is motivating me to improve.

 

Bro.. Either shower or bath is okay... It just calms down the nerves.
I am having this practice of cold water bath for last 15 years.... And will continue unto death.

 

I prefer horse stance and meditating in full lotus to calm down the nerves as well as strengthen and build the mind, but do completely understand the concept of cold showers or baths.

 

I don't understand this concept of horse stance and full lotus.... Can u clarify or give more info ?

 

Yes, but this forum would have all the answers you seek regarding such topics friend: www.thedaobums.com

Here is a post regarding this matter I posted in another section the other day,

Staying ever vigilant with the diamond sword of meditaton chopping through negative and resentful mental and emotional states, and always sleeping with one eye open, for as they say, PRIDE ALWAYS COMES BEFORE THE FALL :



Does anyone reading this post meditate? If so care to share what kind?

Meditation and horse stance burn through afflictions and lust for me, you can either incinerate your horniness or be burned by it is the way I see things. Hey, cold showers have the same lust quelling and mental strengthening effect (minus the building of leg strength, root power, and qi) as horse stance and no I don't take cold showers Get in that cold shower if you do, or BURN BABY BURN



As for the full lotus, the position connects one's astral body to the heavenly source energy and helps sublimate qi from one's lower regions up into spiritual energy in the brain friend. Of course you should simply focus on your breath, mantra, visualization, or object of meditation while in the position, half lotus is great too if full lotus is not comfortable for one, I care not to share anymore details about my own practice on this forum you may message me if you are that curious.