Who else is here due to social anxiety? Please share your story.

Don't have time for a lengthy response but this is why I joined, you're not alone!

 

Looking back, I have to agree with some of the things you say. I did go through periods when I was social and I was often being attached to my computer. I too was apathetic. Only this happened to my while I was in college, and for periods of a few months.

You don't have to be like this forever, you can start working this out. It will take, many set backs... But I don't think you have any other option than to start dealing with this! I also wish I had some insights about masturbation when I was younger. But I can't go on dwelling on it. The good thing is: you'll start felling better with yourself right from the start.

 

Since joining this site I have heard many mentions of the link between masturbation and confidence levels. It has made me cast my mind back over my own life (I'm 27 now) and see what impact it may have had on me.

I have always had issues with shyness, being open in groups, speaking out, standing up for myself etc. many of the things mentioned in the above post. But these issues never materialised until I reached secondary school which was not too long after the age I discovered masturbation, I remember being a much bolder and more outspoken kid in my younger years. These character changes can of course be put down to puberty and all young children have much less self awareness, but it is definitely something to think about.

It hurts to consider all the wasted time masturbating and all the affections wasted on myself, energy that could have been redirected into forging meaningful relationships. It makes me sad to think I may have caused myself less frustration by getting control over masturbation from the beginning. Prenato is right though, it's never too late, we can't change what's gone, but we are relatively young and rest of the journey starts here!

 

Yes, definitely! I've learned to only relate to people in a sexual way and can't sustain normal friendships. It's a major reason for my being on this forum (also the amount of time I waste and lack of motivation I have for anything else in life).

 

my anxiety has got much worse over the years and i never thought for a second over all the years it could be because of my porn use, your not alone bro

 

I wouldn't beat your yourself up for being socially awkward. I wouldn't even blame porn for it all that much. Yes it might be part of it, but it's just a small part for being who you are.

One of my first friends in college was 26 or 27 at the time. He was still a virgin, he had little to no friends and he was obsessed about losing his virginity. Socially awkward really would be a understatement. The first time I spoke to him I immediately saw someone who could do better. He literally was stuck in his own world at the time. He scared off girls, most guy's laughed at him and his actions didn't match his personality. I recognized myself in him, but in a different way.

The irony of this story is that lately (and i'm talking three years later) I'm actually starting to become "him". His problems are becoming more and more familiar to me. Like many others, I'm quite good at giving advice, but horrible at following it myself. Every step, every move I (and my other friends) told him to do, I forgot.

What we basically told him was to think about his life, what he liked and disliked and what he would change, or would like to change to improve his life. What he told me is that he needed a (new) group of friends who respected him, but also saw the potential in him. We started to take him out of his comfort zone, meet new people, do things he never did before. Basically we were giving him a new life. He has loads of friends now, has a girlfriend, he's almost done with his study and actually is living the life he wanted. From a socially awkward bee, to a flourishing "young" man

And to come back to myself, I was living the life of my dreams, but that collapsed not all to long ago. Basically I'm left with myself and my new (though 5 year younger) friends. I've spend so much time on work, my career and hobby's, that I've wasted too much time on the (in the end) less important stuff. So now I am in the exact position as he was. I can start over again

Socially awkward is mostly caused by a change of lifestyle that doesn't match with the lives of others. You have barely anything to talk about and after a few years you become more and more distant to others. "Why mingle if you have nothing in common?" Someone once told me that you need to work at yourself if you want to be more social. Basically, build stories that others can find themselves in. Hiding might seem "safe" but it does more damage than any porn addiction can give you. Fantasizing about becoming a hermit, or actually committing suicide because life isn't working out. They are all way's to escape "life". Well although your own mind can convince you otherwise, life actually is beautiful. It's full of surprises, people who can love you, care for you. The problem is, are you open to change your lifestyle into one that you want? I woke up one day with my personal motto "The first step of making a dream come true, is making that first step yourself." This single line made me make choices that improved my life for years on end.

Without knowing I actually lived like a hermit. My job/hobby made me work at home. My school made me work at home for 90& of the time. I never got out, got bored with my old friends and basically destroyed my whole social life for a "dream job". A dream job that gave me everything I needed on a daily basis. When my boss got fired, the company got new management and I started to doubt the new direction the company was going for, so I stopped working there. Now I have barely any contact with my colleagues, I have too much spare time that I fill with sitting around, I lost 60% of all my friends and messed up my school because my whole life was collapsing on me. I have no clue what I want when I finish school. To say it in short, I'm lost..

So I'm sitting here, behind my PC, telling you what I'm doing right now. The exact same thing I told my friend a few years back. "Go and build stories with others". Take up a sport, go on holiday's with strangers, go out more, meet new people. After day's you will meet new people, after weeks you can talk with them for hours and in years you can chat with anyone who has the same interests as you. Everyone is weird in a way, they just found a platform where they can be weird with others. Because the first step to get what you want is to make that first step yourself. If you make this one step now? In a few years you will look back and thank yourself for taking that step.

I saw this 9GAG post today and it just gives me confirmation that this is the step I need to take to overcome my fears and barriers.


Sometimes I, and with me loads of others, forget that the only one who is in control of your life is the one living in your body: you. Life really is a bitch and need to work for it to make the most out of it.

 

feel free to add me as a contact as i go through this journey once again. i shall prevail

 

same story here bro. i had no interest in talking with girls when i could just treat them like objects. thank god i realized that is so dumb and that i needed to rethink my concept of women. i think stopping PMO is a good step, but most likely there will be steps after that that need to be taken (setting goals to meet new people, getting involved, actively trying to go out and make friends, etc)

 

Same age as you and similar story. I never really ever realized how this affected my social anxiety over the years, especially in my teens and early twenties. I can't say I'm too bad these days, but being that I was once practically house bound can tell you how bad by my social anxiety got. Luckily, as it got that bad, things improved over the years. Hobbies are important, I think in overcoming social anxiety. Take a keen interest in something you like that will get you out the house. That helped me.

There are lots of factors in creating social anxiety..porn and objectifying woman or men is definitely one of them, I'd say.

We're in a strange generation at 28 years old. First it was porno mags in our teens, then slowly all the porn you could ever want at the click of a mouse. I remember searching for porn online at age 15 back in the year 2000 and it's changed so much over the years since. I feel sorry for these kids these days that are gonna end up getting caught up in pmo, younger and younger.

One thing that always bothered me with the social anxiety was mixing with women. Countless times, I've made an ass of myself, as porn skewed how I saw woman and that is due to my porn habit. I'm talking really beautiful women. God, that makes me depressed. The opportunities ruined by porn and it warping my my mind. That's another reason to give this PMO lark the boot.

 

Same story bro. You're definitely not alone as you can see! ^

 

This is just ONE of the MANY side effects I was experiencing due to P and excessive MO.


I just found out about this all 2 days ago, and I set my mind to stopping for good.

Today, on day 2, I did something I never would have done before.


In class I sit up front, and today I was the first person to get the sign in sheet for attendance. There was this cute girl that sits behind me, and also another person I could have handed the paper too.

I turned around, looked the cute girl directly in here eyes and just extended the paper out to her while smiling at her.

It was just a connection I haven't made with a girl in a long time. It was like I non-verbally communicated with her, hey I think you are very good looking....oh.....and heres the attendance thing. She just started smiling and said thank you to me and I just smiled a little more and turned back around.



A very small thing when I type it and read it, but a huge thing for me and I can tell this is only the beginning. It's true.....


When you let your seed build up in your nut sack, the girlies are attracted to you like a magnet!

 

Well I'm already at one month but I did the hugest thing I've ever did today thanks to NoFap and what's important is my state of mind. I'm a completely different girl. Mentally and I hope soon physically. And a better girl. In any way.

I made a friend today. Normally people (and they are terribly few) make friends with me. Today I made a friend, she's super hot and I'm full of calm and peaceful confidence.

For me it's absolutely obvious that I was looking at porn due to loneliness, which lead me to hospital for depression due to self hate and porn addiction. So yeah. I guess you could say that for me porn was the solution and not the problem to the hugest issue of my life, extremely deep social anxiety, but quitting porn was the solution to everything.

I'm at the very beginning of my journey but words cannot describe how happy I am. I made a friend.

 

This is what it's all about! Congrats!

I haven't done anything tooooooo crazy, like approach a girl yet, but I can already tell that it's most definitely going to happen. I've came close a few times but I know when everything is right it is going to happen.

I'm carrying myself better posture wise, my skin is looking healthier, and I FEEL better.....and this is only day 2 for me. I'm so glad I found this movement.

 

Im der with u boy, thougg im not that socially awkward but still I cant make good conversations though I have good friends , but still I did notmasturbated that much so I guess im not that anti social. Anyways hope u can cure from this disorder just stop fapping and dump all your fantasies in dustbin and u will be alright

 

Well, it would be a nice side-effect to get rid of that one too, eh? I think the reason of why I got here was that I got sick of this mindless routine, without any real satisfaction out of it.