Hello everyone, am new here and yet to know my way around the forum. This is my first post in here. Pardon my typos am too distressed to proofread. So I have been masturbating since I was 9 years old and now am 24 (15 years masturbating), i masturbate a minimum of 3-4times a week. Aside the well known health effect of masturbation, I have this strange feeling which i think may be caused by PMO. I notice I feel very lazy about doing anything, I feel drained, lack of motivation to do even stuffs that are very important to me. Stuffs like working to earn a living, falling in love and working hard to make the relationship work. I have a fiance who has all the qualities i have always wished for in a woman, but to my surprise i don't find motivation in her, I find it hard to picture life with her, I feel down, I feel distressed about her. Deep down I know she would make a good wife but I don't know why I feel strange about being with her. I don't know if am making any sense to anyone here, but why can't I fall in love? it seems to me that masturbation prevents one from genuinely falling in love, more like the distress that comes with masturbation is beginning to affect my social life, love, education, work, and so on, all because I feel unhappy deep down. Am still a virgin, if being a virgin is restricted to not having an actual sex. Also I don't look all that bad, not slendar just medium, and not fat. But I don't understand why I feel drained inside me, and cant reciprocate her love. I need help could this be caused by masturbation or may be i just don't don't love her?
I went for her because she has qualities I cherish in a girl and till today I admire those qualities. How then the feeling is one sided is what I don't understand. Its strange.
We are currently no longer together, if we aren't compatible, why do i still feel I want her back and at the same time scared of the loveless feeling? I feel u still want to be with her but the feeling isn't there kind off.