So for a long time, pretty much since I lost my virginity, I based a lot of my self-worth on whether women would have sex with me or not. It's horrible to think about that now, but I put so much effort into getting women to sleep with me that I wasn't putting effort in to genuinely be friends with people or these women. I would also basically have sex with any woman that wanted to because I wanted to be wanted. It was a self-esteem thing. Recently, I don't know what changed but for the first time ever I was able to say no to a woman who wanted to have sex with me and she wanted to do some really risky things. At first I was thinking about it, but then I caught myself thinking about it, I took a step back and asked myself is this someone who I actually would really want to have sex with? The answer was no, so I told her no and blocked her on everything I could. I struggled with the disappointment of not getting laid but I was more proud of myself for being able to control myself and say no.
You made a mature decision and you now realize just because it was a good one it doesn't feel entirely great, but that's how we grow. Keep up the good work. The world needs more guys like you.