Don't get too comfortable...

You can do it easily again.
I think it will be easier for you this time as you fully rebooted your brain.
Best of luck , our dear moderator

 

535 days - WOW! That's the stuff dreams are made of. You are a real trooper giggleshmack! The denial, yes, that explains the jump from the huge number straight to 9 days. You must have felt an intense emotional reaction after that 'session' ended. Perhaps, anger, depression or a whole mixture of feelings over the last week or so. It is to your great credit that you have not repeated this on-off occurrence. It is those strong emotions that combine with the chaser effect to make that hard to resist. Perhaps having sex with your girlfriend has helped in that regard - spare a thought for us lonely sods.

Something just puzzles me a bit. You say you have recommitted to not using porn, yet a couple of days ago you looked at sexually explicit material online. Personally, I have always thought PMO = pornography AND/OR masturbation AND/OR orgasm (except wet dreams). So, do you take the view that PMO = P+M+O and that if one or more of the constituents is missing no reset is required. It also raises another question as to how often you are choosing to watch sexually explicit material online? Thanks.

 

I hope the best for you ! As you say, we will probably never heal completely but you made extraordinary progress, you have a life almost free of porn after 535 days, having normal S with your girlfriend.
How did your gf take it ?

Anyway, stay vigilant now, that would indeed be bad to keep slipping.

See ya !

 

If she knew she could comfort you and be supportive. IDK ! ^^

 

Great advice @giggleshmack.We must never become too comfortable while on nofap,because one small moment of defenselessness will lead to another relapse.
535 days is not easy feat but with your experience I am sure you can climb that mount again.Reaching 500 days is number I only wish to reach.

 

Good that you're treating it seriously by putting your phone downstairs, better to act now then keep tripping up from the same mistake and undo some of the amazing work you've put in

 

I strongly advise you to tell your gf....of course you knew I'd say that

Good for you for coming clean but I have go ask you how did this happen? A bikini pic sent you over the edge? I am super confused by this...was something else going on like stress? You don't have to tell me of course but it might help others and it will help me understand how it can sneak up on you.

 

535 days of NoFap! I'm sure that puts you in the League of Extraordinary Persons here! that is a superb achievement and I only hope I can even reach half that number! Also the fact that you did not binge and are right back up and fighting is HUGE!

Also thanks for sharing! It is also a great learning for me! Sometimes I feel this reboot thing is easy....only to find that my cravings are ready to ambush me and take me down! Like yesterday I was looking up some dinosaur pictures for my daughter and the Google search throws up some images of partially naked women posing in front of model dinosaurs! My heart starts racing! That is when I knew that I have not healed. The pathways are there. They may be dormant but they are very much there! I am a long way from where I was when I started but like you said, one has to be eternally vigilant!

 

Like others said kudos for 535 days! Very interested to hear more specifics about what happened that broke the record. Might be something in there we all can learn from.

 

Thanks for that!! It is actually very accurate to call it autopilot because that "zoned in" focus that happens to the male brain is really like that. There is a point of no return. I watched a video about it once but can't find it now. I see it happening with my husband too. If we get interrupted for example he has a hard time switching gears...almost like he is drunk!

I guess the key is to stop BEFORE it gets to that. Any sexual interest in a pixelated female is not ok. The first look is entertaining this interest and what is the point? You aren't going to have sex with her right.....unless it is happening in your mind. Kind of like an alcoholic buying a case of beer. No good can come of it.

 

Giggleshmack, I am going to be frank with you. Your girlfriend deserves to know. I'm not sure what you mean by "fall deep back into the addiction". Back into the extreme stuff? PMO'ing with the same frequency as before you started nofap? I believe this to be another rationalization. It's understandable, as well, since telling your girlfriend that you relapsed would be the last thing to really drill it into your head that you reset.

It may be scary, but I definitely know that she would want to hear about this. If my boyfriend made it almost a year and a half PMO free, then relapsed, keeping it from me would break my heart. As I'm sure it would @Limeaid's. This isn't something to take lightly. This is trust, the foundation of your relationship. It needs to be spoken about, to come to light. I am sure if she has been with you this long, she will continue to support you. Think on it for me.

I congratulate you, you have made magnificent progress! Complacency is a bitch, and I have dealt with that same curiosity which almost sent me over the edge in the past. That "cycle" you speak of tends to come up randomly when you think you're past the hard stuff. I've seen many people well on in their reboot dealing with the same thing. That first thought needs to be shut down immediately. I have said before in another thread, "Not knowing something can't hurt you, but knowing very well could." (when it comes to sexual curiosity stemming from addiction, of course)

There is always a small period of time within this cycle that will allow you to circumvent it. Until it becomes a habit to say no to yourself, you will have to keep your rational mind on red alert.

Thank you for this thread, it will help many people.

 

I'm not getting rid of reddit because of the porn. I'm getting rid of it because it is by far the quickest way of going on autopilot, where anything can happen. Sure its got lots of interesting legitimate stuff, but its just far to easy to come across that one link that sends me down the bullshit rabbit hole that disables my brain where I sit slack jawed staring at endless streams of irrelevant pictures and has me thinking searching for porn is an amazing idea that won't hurt at all.

 

That's great giggleshmack. I am sure you feel pleased that you came to terms with having to acknowledge your reset and writing about it here. You have received good advice and encouragement and had the best possible outcome. I love this community! Your girlfriend sounds like a really grounded person and very non-judgemental.

 

This is from a few posts back - thank you for saying what happened - really, really useful!