On day 25 of no PMO. Been emotionally up and down but nothing compared to how my emotions fluctuated post faps. Had a really tough exam the other day and I prepped super hard for it, but didn't get the grade I wanted. Usually that sort of thing kills my motivation to continue studying, I don't deal well with failure, but I noticed after the initial shock and disappointment subsided I had a ton of energy. The unanticipated challenge of this course has me fired up to work even harder. It's not a mountain I have to climb, but a rush of exhilaration from the pressure, knowing I'll improve myself and accomplish something really worth doing. This time I know I can do it and that feels really good. This energy is in part from no PMO and I know this because of how drastically my feelings have shifted from how I usually feel after not achieving my goals. Still get temptations but in those moments I think about how I truly love myself now and that's something that was so alien to me for a decade plus because of fapping. I also know my relationship with sexuality is warped and I hope eventually to heal that. My life is headed in the direction I want and that's enough for me.
This: This thought is worth very much. To anyone struggling with self improvement: Keep on saying this sentence. Make it a mantra. Just as smiling in a situation where you feel down lifts your mood a bit, repeating this sentence (while being fully conscious about it, mind you!) will give you a goal that you can work for and aim at. And by repeating this sentence regularly it becomes more and more of a habit. At first it just stays in your head, and you still have to push yourself a bit to actually get going for that goal (start with small things that defintetly are achieveable!). But after some small successes you will notice that this phrase extends to more and more of your body. Keep at it! Repeat it over and over again. There is way more to that mechanism (humans being all but habitual), but that's the basics. Humans can change and adapt very well. All we need is time and persistence. And yes, at times things can look very bleak and be very frustrating and in the end we turn to known habits which trigger our dopamine release (e.g. that bag of chips, that jar full of peanut butter cream, you know). And after that we can reflect and start again on improving ourselves. This is going to be very corny: As a child, when we fell we stood up again. It did not occur to us to not stay up and try again. Failing is part of a learning and changing process. Embrace it as such and you will be able to see your improvement in a totally different light. Anyway. That's just some explanation to the quote. The man with a plan has nailed it down pretty well. Keep on improving!
