The day of Reckoning

First of all I would like to thank you all for being such a supporting and caring community.

I decided to create this thread as a jurnal of my recovery but my main purpose is to help you guys.
Every one talks about completing the 90 day streak but not many do it efficiently so the aim of this particular thread is to provide you with REAL AND GENUINE STRATEGIES and 'hands on approach' (lol) on how to actually stick to the process of reboot.

I realised that my main objective in life is to create and witness the beauty of this world.
I would like to take care of my community even despite in many cases it is toxic and evil.
The thing is that we are becoming more inteligent as the time flies by and the ultimate goal that will be reached by us is love, respect and prosperity at some point.

If I get to 100 days mark I will donate 50$ to this webside.

1. Story:

I am 25yo male. Addicted to porn and jacking off since I was 9 yo unaware kid.
2.5 years ago I noticed that after every.. session.. I was becoming exhausted and felt completely dumb, like if my cognitive functions were deteriorating.
On summer 2018 I jacked off and felt tingling/sparkles over my right hemisphere.
That was the moment when I realised that this shit is detrimental.
I had no knowledge, just common sence...
I remember thinking to myself "damn.. Live was so cool when I was a kid. Everything was so interesting but now live sucks and I am miserable for some reason". I linked it to my porn use.
I started researching and I found a book "your brain on porn". Till that moment I always thought that masturbation and porn were healthy. But after going through this book I was illuminated. I realised how bad I damaged myself over the years not even knowing about it.
Since I started using porn I became socially anxious and since that moment live started getting more and more blank.

My life almost always sucked due to not being able to connect with other people.
That lead to depression.

11 months ago (on my 25th birthday) I decided to change my life and apply discipline. BUT I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO DO IT. So I thought to myself "eh.. Im just gonna use my willpower and im gunna be fine" bullshit.
I decided not to ever fap again.
I managed to withstand 15 days without pmo. I was doing great. I was productive as never before. At that time I was talking to this french girl we were both attracted to each other but she had to go back to france.
I started having some real trouble at work so i relapsed.
And I succombed to chaser effect. I was binging. It continued for 6 more months.
But after that I managed to break my record achieving 20 days of nofap (jesus was I feeling good) but relapsed again and followed chaser effect.

Yesterday I jacked off 3 times and now due to high prolactin I have no motivation to stand up from my bed being lazy all day.

I realised that this became real issue damaging my live so I am going on a war against one of my biggest weaknesses.

2) strategies:
a) 23/07/20:
* "hands off the dick, eyes off the pics, mind off the chicks" method - whatever happens dont touch your dick + dont look at pictures of women (to avoid a trigger and dopamine burst) + don't think about women (trigger and dopamine burst)
b) meditation - meditate daily. Use your awareness to cancel certain thoughts (unwanted triggers and cues).
c) fighting off an urge during the day:
Go outside with a book. Don't stay at home at all costs.
d) night urges: immediately cancel the thought (quick meditation) . Get up fast and go for a run or attend 24/7 gym. Exhaust yourself come back and have a nap
e) wim hoff breathing method: whenever you feel horny you may try do this excercise. However i tried this method few times but failed anyway (in my case i need to walk away from my home to reduce the chances of relapsing)
f) look for more in my following posts.

 

It was very productive day for me yesterday.
I was quite happy with how i used my time.
I woke up and started sorting the shit out straight away. I am changing my address in september and I needed to complete a lot of questionnaires and provide a lot of documentation. I was doing it for 2, 5 hours but eventually completed this task.

Played my guitar for 30 mins (I think i need to get rid of it for some time because I was commiting a lot of valuable time for it in the past)

Then I performed Wim Hoff breathing method and meditated for 15 minutes.

Took my gymnastic rings and excercised for 1hour outside at 5 am. I did a lot more reps in a lot less time than usual. I was actually tired!
The muscle soreness that I experienced later on throughout the day was blissful. I felt that finally I am making changes bigtime.

Took a cold shower.

Then I cycled to my workplace and worked for 13 hours.

I was checking out a few chicks during that time. Staring at their asses and trying to imagine them naked. It was involuntary but due to meditation I realised that it releases dopamine and I need to get rid of this habbit.

I have no curiosity in talking to people about shit and have a smalltalk.

My social skills must improve and I feel bad somtimes due to my social anxiety but I realise that it will get better further on during my nofap jurney which gives me hope.


Sometimes I am becoming depressed due to missed opportunities in life but then I realise that spartans were so hardcore and their training was so tough that war was like a holiday for them. Plus they were one of the best warriors in history due to ability to adapt to harsh circumstances.
Difficulties in life make you stronger and we have to do be able to CREATE VALUE OUT OF NOTHING.

Now I am going to be waiting for the urge I will fight this off I know it. I am ready for it cause I have got a plan.

I planned my time after work for the next 2 days.
*Saturday evening - my colleague comes over to my property to have a chat.
*sunday evening - I am going to do some street workout excercises with my new friends.

2. Strategies:
A) when you see attractive woman cancel sexual thoughts using awareness and meditation

B) DON'T LET YOUR MIND TO JUSTIFY THE REASON FOR FAPPING - it happens to me all the time. My mind is trying to be logical with the reason why to jack off.
Reasons like: increased benefits (reduction of cortisol, reduction of stress, better sleep quality due to prolacting, etc etc... That's a deadly trap)
After I jack off the prolacting gets so high that I spend the rest of the day watching youtube and laying on my sofa procrastinating.

The benefits of nofap outweigh the benefits of fapping.

If your mind starts kogical reasoning to convince you to fap just go out and train with jumping rope or do pushups.
Even if it messes up your sleeping rhythym do it anyway.

It's a war - you have to stick to 90 days no matter what. Even if you have to sacrivice your sleep for some time.

C) urges before going to sleep. I think are the most dangerous. As above. If you feel it just go outside. Even if it means not getting sleep that night (at least you going to get properly tired making sure that you are going to fall asleep for 100% instead of fapping)

D) shower: Do it quickly. Don't check out your body in the mirror. It actually can be one of the triggers making you horny.
Dress up immediately after the shower.

E) don't feel down and sad due to depriving yourself from the pleasure or thinking that you are a failure.
It's an investment - the benefits like female attraction, increased confidence, higher curiosity of life and surrounding world, and improved connections/social anxiety are going to cause that you will be getting laid more often instead of beating your meat

 

1) On my 3rd day I was quite motivated.
On that day I was doing 13h shift so I concentrated on work.
During my break I decided to use this time to upload my previous post.

I was working with alright milf so I cought myself checking her ass and tits involuntarily. Even though I realised that it shouldn't be happening I just couldnt contain and myself.

When I was outside I was also staring at another girls passing by and fantasising about sex. I even got hard at some point.

This is definitely an area I have to control more.

I was tired as hell after work but I decided to act immediately not allowing myself to make any excuses. I took my training equipment and went to local park for a bit of excercise.
Then came home and went to sleep.

I had some cravings but they were manageble. Fortunatelly I went to sleep.

2) 4th day. I went to work again. The chick I was working with was kinda alright so we had a little bit of flirting session and laugh.

Spoiler: Triggers

She had a nice small titties and cute ass but again I just DIDn't WANT to cancel those thoughts.

Mind control needs to improve big time.

On the same day I came across my other female coworker (she's around the same age as me).
She was checking me out for a think 4 months now staring at me like she wanted to say "just fuck me you bastard" but I always was ignoring her due to my insecurities.
But that day she was so horny that she approached and helped me out in a simple task as an excuse. So thought to myself "ok there's nowhere to go now. Let's have a chat".
So we had this conversation lasting like 2 mins and I found out what her name was.
So I looked her up on facebook once I came home and started browsing her pictures. I found some photos of her wearing bikini only. I was staring at her for like 5 minutes and by brain was like "its been 4 days you dont have to last 100 days straight away... Just do it in small steps. you will do better next time," I realised that I was justifying my behaviour and I just swithed off the phone.

I think I was so tired that I went to bed straight away.

3) 5th day was my day off. It was terrible. I had no urges but I was watching stupid youtube videos and listening to music all day. I haven't accomplished anything that day except talking to my family and workout session.

Procrastination is terrible trap.

4) strategies:
A) stop using your phone. It consumes a lot of valuable time and causes you to procrastinate. TREAT YOUR PHONE LIKE ANOTHER ADDICTION THAT YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF

B) work even if you don't feel like it. The stress and pain of procrastination is stronger then the one when you force yourself to do a task.

C) write down a task list and stick to it nomatter what. ALL THAT WILL CONTRIBUTE TO INCREASE IN YOUR FOCUS DURING THE REBOOT.

 

1) day 6 - I woke up at 03:30 am and decided to act one I wake up properly.

I try to widen my social circle so I switched on facebook and was looking for social groups so I could make new connections.
I added this post saying that I am looking for some people that I can have a laugh and pick up chicks with/wings.
The only response I got was "I am surprised that they haven't banned you yet" added by some female.
1 hour latter I was excluded from the group... (the regulations of this group didn't mention that this kind of posts are forbidden. Especially when I saw other users adding pervy pictures of body parts etc...)
Well... I went to PUA forumcand managed to find one dude interested in picking up girls from my city. I sent him a message and he responded within 24h.

I tried not to procrastinate but I did. I managed to do some amount of work but not too much.

I used my Alexa dot to listen to "your brain on porn". I found out that PMO causes hypofrontality which causes impaired stress resistance and management.
Maybe that's why I am always so volatile and maybe it's the reason why people that are rebooting report being so chilled during stressful situations.

I had a phone consultation with my psychologist.
He was happy with me and my scores.
He told me that they were better than ever before and theres no need for a consultation today because I am undergoing recovery.
I told him that I just realised that a man has to have strong sense of purpose in life at all times (other than women and family) and pursue them all life.
And I think than now everything is going to be alright.

Then I grabbed my bike and rode for a climbing session with my friend.
Damn..the chicks over there are fit as hell.

I felt kind of bad for myself that day but I realised that whenever it happens and I am down I just pull out my meat and beat it to death.
I just realised that some people are toxic and poisonous no matter what.
Live is a pure math. There is always a chance for something happening... There is a chance that you meet nice people but theres also a chance of meeting aholes.

I felt like I accomplished a bit today... Small steps forward that's what matters.
We have to sustain small victories throughout the day if we want to achieve success later on.

2) strategies:
A) don't use masturbation as a remedy for bad mood, insomnia etc.
It's a war where you have to sacrifice your current self for your better self - 100days of NoFap must be accomplished and that's it.
I just hate who I am now so I am not going easy on myself.

B) instead of using smartphone all day use alexa to listen to "your brain on porn" and other books.

According to "your brain on porn" during your reeboot you cannot: read erotic literature, check out chicks on social media, no magazines etc...
It causes undesired chemical reactions in you brain deteriorating the reeboot.

"if it's not real life just say no".

C) Majority of people are obnoxious. Remember it's your life. You are an individual being entitled to make your own choices. You don't have to listen to others.

You have no or slight controll over how other people react.
You have to get rid of the trash and build your life/shape your world according to your vision.

You are not less intelligent than other people.

D) Always keep your purpose in mind (especially when experiencing an urge or feeling bad about yourself).

Some people say that "live is worth living only when you devote yourself to other people" in my opinion it's a bullshit and the proper saying goes "Life is worth living when you chase your purpose but also chill out from time to time"

 

I have not been posting for 2 weeks. Let's catch up a bit.

For those of you who are wondering I am answering right off the bat - I am still on my streak (I think it's day 19 or 20 today).

For the majority of the time I had no urges, no erections etc. I think I went straight into a flatline. It was scary at the beggining but because of "your brain on porn" I knew that this is normal phenomenon. I just thought to myself "if reboot means having a dead cock for the rest of my youth let it be. I dont give a damn... Its a war".
The book gives an example of 26 guy who went through months of flatline without any knowledge. In his case it was courage because he was pioneer.
This gave me a lot of motivation and point of reference.

For the last 2 days I have been experiencing slight temptations to put my cock and beat it.
But the coolest thing is that now I feel in control. I can choose whether or nor I am going to do it. I feel like my recovering prefrontal cortex is slowly taking over the primal urges.

Just now I have recalled some porn scenes with my favourite milfs and all of a sudden I had this urge to swith on the porn hub and jerk it. My head was pulsating and breath increased in freequency + I could feel my heart beating faster.
And you know what? I could relapse but I knew that as soon as I do it I will binge and then follow the chaser effect.
AND I WAS JUST FCKING LAUGHING on how pathetic it would be and I was so pleased with my newly gained self control and awareness.
My rational thinking did not allow it to happen.
Instead I went on youtube and switched on the following video
At some point the guy took his phone and saw his friends having fun at the party with many beautiful chicks and he was just sitting over there depressed just right after relapsing. And after that scene I felt this immense pain due to lost years of youth and lost opportunities.
I understood that I am too old for another mistake.

=========

Recently I came across few interesting people who involuntarily taught me a lesson of life.

A) 26 yo chick on a wheelchair who was paralysed from her pelvis all the way down (paraplegic) and couldnt move her legs for the last 7 years I think.
The reason for her disability was iatrogenic mistake that the surgeon made.
He was operating on her spinal chord without any imaging so the motherhugger couldnt see where the f he was inserting the needle.
And of course he managed to damage her spinal chord at the end of the day. She was paralysed in the very second he broke it. And that was it... She ended up in a wheelchair and the surgeon didnot even have to face any legal consequences.

I have met her in one of the parties. We had a chat and it turned out that she has got a boyfriend and does all sorts of leisure activities and traveling.

I was just ashamed of myself and the lack of action I have been exhibiting my whole life.
But now I understand that the only person in charge of my own health and life is myself.

B) I have met a friend of my friend. He is 36 guy and told me a story how few months ago he had a heart attack due to stress caused by his job.

Having heart attack in this age is something very uncommon (and he was fit too!)

I remember his words "I was in and ambulance, panicking thinking - is it really the way my life ends?"

He told me that they removed the clott from his heart and everything is fine now but he has to stick to his job so he can maintain his house wife and family.

I am in similar situation. I hate my job too but I am 10 years younger than this guy.
It made me realise that I need to change it as soon as possie csuse I will end up like this guy. Screw that.

C) when I was climbing I have met this black guy. I think he was 5'10 something like that, quite musclar built.

He told me his life story.
Guy is married to a woman he knew since they were both 14.
He had a nice car, a nice house and built good family.
Plus he was on his way to become a pilot.
I cannot express everything thorough this forum because of my time limitations but this guy was a pure example to me (probably on steroids too) but I like his mindset. He told me that he likes to be in control of his life.

And that's the thing - be in control to be completely free in life.

D) 29 year old chad who is 6'2 + bulky. He's got ideal body.

He was telling me about how cool his life is, how he likes to party every week and socialise. How much his life is balanced and how he recently had sex with his gf 7
8 times in a row.
I was astonished with his ability to talk freely to everyone about crap (smalltalk) etc.

In the past I thought I am no match against this type of guys but at some point he lost control over certain situation and became stressed and lost (I cannot tell you everything because I want to stay anonymous) and I had to take it over.
I managed the situation calmly like I did not give a damn.
I felt like freaking man... I tealised that the skill and mindset is ultimate weapon and feature of a man.

=======
Strategies:

1. Abstainig from the addiction reconstructs grey matter and certain structures of your brain.
After 19 days it is easier to resist the temptation.

2. Reconstructing brain harnesses social anxiety. It's not like youre gonna be the loudest guy in a room but now I know that I can handle conversations and I hsve got co troll over my emotions.

3. Here is the big one. I have noticed that I need to develop my verbal skills.
Becaude at the end of the day it is the main feature of a person.

Now I will treat speech and talking like an art. Improve my pronounciation, become more fluent and erudite.

I need to learn how to trash talk people and humiliate them with words (it's even more powerful than physical scrap).

 

On 14th/08 I have relapsed after 21 days (without porn - just imagination) and PMOed the day after (using tubeside) .
Normally I would feel ashamed and worthless but I broke my record this time.

Actually when I relapsed I was quite glad I did it. Why? It's because it did not feel that great after all. I received less pleasure than usual realising that it's not worth doing for the rest of my life.

I was checking out my muscular body in the mirror before shower and got horny. I knew straight away that it was one of the triggers.
But the funny thing was that I could controll that. I could get cold shower plus I knew that all the benefits would disappear but I proceeded anyway.

My brain started justyfying why I should relapse and again! I knew it I could avoid it.
But the real reason for me was the fact that for the next 2-3 months I have to focus on my job and business only.

Whilst on nofap my confidence improved dramatically and I was up for picking up some girls with my friend.

But I have no time for dating etc right now.

I was thinking about my porn addiction as a bad thing all the time. But you know what... If I wasn't using it I would have probably impregnated some girl in my teens or early 20s like many of my friends.
Sure porn destroyed my social skills, confidence etc. But I think it's better than being responsible and fully commited to a family in such a young age.

I need to build my life and become independent first before having a girlfriend.
WE CANNOT RELY ON FEMALES TO BRING HAPPINESS TO OUR LIVES WE HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO BE HAPPY ON OUR OWN INDEPENDENTLY. FEMALES ARE ONLY BONUS.

Society can ridicule this kind of approach ("haha, you're not getting laid and drunk as we do, you are usseles piece of trash and fking incel") but society isn't that intelligent of you look around or look back to a history.

============

I am so happy that I broke my record (21 days damn...) .
PMO is not that great + now I know that I AM IN CONTROL OF MY ADDICTION, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

Brain restructuring on nofap is tangible and benefits outweigh artificial gratifucation from pmo.

I am comming back stronger. Here are new goals:
USE TRANSMUTATION OF SEXUAL ENERGY.

1. Get to 100 day mark and pay 50$ to this website.

2. Start intermittent fasting every day (on 19/08 I will go through 5 day fast)

3. Workout + meditate everyday

4. Regularly devote some of my time everyday to business related issues.

5. Do at least 1 day of dopamine detox this month

=========

Strategies:

1. Get your dopamine from other sources - great gratification mechanism is a SENCE OF ACHIEVEMENT after you resist the urge or do something requiring effort.
Everytime I had an urge I just thought to myself "dont do it. The feeling of pleasure depravation sucks but the feeling of achievement afterwards is way more pleasuring".

Even things like keeping your house clean is very rewarding.

2. Get addicted to work. Become workaholic - the satisfaction after completing your tasks is immeasurable.

The pleasure from seing results of self improvement is even bigger than PMO.

 

Big tube of pringles and 6 cupcakes.
2500 calories in one go.

That was my last binge.
I feel disgust with myself.

I did it on purpose. I just want to remember this feeling of aversion to my weak mind and not being able to resist the temptation of commiting destructive behaviour.

I am fucking weakling and I hate myself for that.

From now on I am going to eat clean till next summer + fasting.

========/

I have noticed that my gut is big. I have been eating too much fruits. But now I am going to reduce fructose drastically in order to get rid of vieceral vat. Veggies and keto only.

I was killing my insulin resistance with excessive consumption of fruits but I was in denial.

High amounts of carbs are responsible for increased ageing processes, teeth problems and cancer.

Another goals from now on:

1. Fasting + keto and only clean diet.
2. Reduction in smartphone usage. No youtube, facebook and another mindless time wasting shit
3. Daily workout

EDIT:
Today the 17th/08 at 22:50 I relapsed again to porn.

But I finally realised what is needed to overcome this addiction.

I have to be hungry all the time. Even when breaking a fast. Only small portions of food are allawed. Cause otherwise if you are full you have no motivation to go outside or excercise to aviod the trigger.
+ no music!

+I wasted a lot of time for my friend who does not appreciate me anyways.. Today was a complete disaster.

But I am enriched bybexperience now. Let's get serious this time...

 

20/08/20 - relapsed again. There is this girl at work who hits on me very hard, she would be easy as hell but I always ignore her due to my fear of being awkward and weirding her away.

So what I did was I found her facebook page and jacked off to her pictures... Instead of doing it in real life.
I felt like a failure.

But before that I heard my female neighbour moaning and having multiple orgasms... I realised how pathetic I was... Every one was in relationship and here I am 26 yo virgin afraid of girls because of my small penis...

I was so tired after the night shift that I was procrastinating. But the pain and self loath after hearing my neighbour upstairs having fun made me get my ass up and make a plan for the rest of the day.

But Iv relapsed anyway.
I think I want to get along with this girl from work. I just need to quit porn...
If I was on my 20th day I would talk the shit out of this girl.

Shes going to be my motivation.

21/08/20 - day one - I was procrastinating all fkin day till I heard my neighbour screaming from pleasure again...
I felt like shit again. My pulse raised and breathing increased in freequency.
I thought I was about to cry.

I just took my skipping rope and did HIIT for 1,5hrs...

But I finally found accountability partners - wonderful people they are.

I am so motivated that I engraved date "21.08.20 as the day of my recovery on my guitar"

P. S - it's friday night in a city and during that time I always hear girls having fun and screaming with their friends.

It is torture to me... It reminds me of how I have never been to a party + on new years eve when everyone was partying like an animal I just sat in my apartment crying out of despair and helplesness. I was justvstaring through the window watching other people using time of their lifes for gut whilstvI was unable to cennectvwith people and make friends.

I promised myself to change but I didn't...


2. Strategies

A) don't allow self loath to lead you to a relapse. Do pushups! That's the best and fastest method to avoid relapse.

B) recall how it was when you were drunk. You were so sociall anf funny and bold you could talk to any girl and you were thinkink faster (or at least you were convinced so).
Behave like that but don't get drunk.

C) think of reboot as yenga. You meed to carefully build a tower from smallest ellements very carefully not to collapse the whole building... Day by day... Day by day.... Slooowly but surely

D) be like elon musk.... Use every second of your time to work your ass of

 

[06/09, 22:15] MK mobile: I heard my neighbours havingva party and for some reason I became sad... have just followed chaser effect....

Now I have to officially admit that I am an addict to a real drug destroying my life.

Now it scares the shit out if me... I need to be treated just like a patient....
[06/09, 22:16] MK mobile: Fuck calling it NoFap... It is recovery/rehabilitation now


[06/09, 22:38] +1: Take it easy bro, those so called people having party most probably are not on the path anyway. You have a lot more to offer to yourself. As long as you stick to the way ( your purpose)
[06/09, 22:40] +44 81: Your having the balls to do something that most people wouldn’t do. Your trying to take hold of your destiny by breaking this illusion called porn which has most men by the balls.

 

Now I have to remember about entering FLOW state when I work and do other things during the day and derive my motivation from Elon musk.

I realised that I am paying too much rent for my flat so I am moving out and save money in order to build passive income and invest into my business.