Hey all, my intro is here: I realized I was an addict while writing this.... My major goals here are: No viewing pornography of strangers Eliminate fapping completely Right now I'm playing on "easy mode". I have oexceptions to the above rules: I'm allowed to look at pornography I made myself A main focus is to stop looking at unrealistic depictions of what I should be expecting in the sack. I have a great girlfriend that on occasion lets me use my camera. For the time being, I'm fine with keeping these around. I'm allowed to showerfap For me, fapping in the shower isn't even close to being a problem. I think it's because I view showers as a relaxing sensory experience. The warm water of my body, the smell of the handmade soap filling the air, the steam.. nothing about a shower is 'normal' to me. Anything that happens in the shower exists outside my normal day-to-day reality, where my problems actually are. Even though I'll have the occasional sexual release (through sex or the occasional showerfap) this is still going to be hard. I'll only be getting 1/10th of the self stimulation my body's used to. My progress so far It's only been 4 days and I'm going CRAZY. Headache, inability to concentrate on work, tense. Something happened to me that's scares me: Me and my girl just had an argument (nothing special, just me not cleaning up after cooking) and I was suddenly had dark fantasies running through my head about taking out the sexual aggression on her. Not such a good sign guys! It's not something I'd think about on a day-to-day basis. I am NOT that person. It's the opposite in fact: I'm the guy who kicks somebody's ass over JOKING about that sort of stuff. It's a little scary to have stuff popping into my mind I didn't put there.
First of all, congratulations with 4 days! That's a good start already! You will be getting better. And regarding those phantasies you have, do you work out or something? Is there any activity that allows you to spend your energy in there? Working out really helps it. Or you could try any other activity that would take your powers or concentration. Keep it up!
(PS: can somebody move this thread to the '25-30 journal' category please?) Thanks, I haven't taken up a workout yet, I will start something ASAP. I def. need a physical outlet. Right now being cash-poor and surrounded by feet of snow it's a little hard to think of something. Maybe I'll spend more time playing Xbox Kinect games, see how it does. Last night was tough. I only got a few hours of sleep. Restless, trying to keep my hands outside my pants. And OMG the PAIN! I guess this is what you'd call "blueballs" eh? Dull yet intense pain radiating up to my lower abdomen. So tempting to MO, I almost broke and searched for a solution. By the time I found some tips it was thankfully over. I decided to get up from bed, come into the living room, and watch some star trek until the sun came up. I had just about given up last night, but I'm pretty damn proud of myself for making it through.
I was starting to go crazy again... couldn't think, couldn't concentrate on work... All I could think about was sex. So, I broke and looked at some dirty pics on reddit. After 2 minutes I felt guilty and exited. I went and told my girlfriend that I'm having a very hard time. She doesn't know about my PMO.. so I talked to her in terms of 'hornyness. We've been arguing and a lot of it has to do with me being on edge... I told her I was sorry and that I'm going through a change right now and that my hormones are out of wack. We ended up having sex... she "could see I was troubled and she wanted to make me happy". I'm not sure if this is a dangerous thing or not. On one hand, she's acting as an enabler to keep me doped up on O chemicals. On the other hand, a huge reason for NoFap is to connect better with her.... and being with her was 1,000 times more satisfying than pics of strangers' boobs. I'm going to let things continue naturally and see where they take me. I'm sure I'll find out one way or another if this path is an acceptable one.
