4 years Married, 1 son, 1 baby on the way. Need support to end this destructive habit.

Welcome to nofap brother . You will find many who are here who are learning to overcome. I am also just a beginner here. I am married and with a son as well. My experience is also similar to yours. I would like to encourage you to also consider Christian fapastranouts group which has helped me a lot and many who have encouraged in my journey. You can find my posts there. Praying for you. Keep up the good fight of wanting to be free.

 

Welcome to the community, the best thing is to say the truth or this will eat away at you slowly. The truth shall set you free. It’s going to take a lot of courage and strength but you will win this battle surrounded by your loved ones

 

This has been my story for the last 10 years. I'm a binge and purger. Falling every 5-14 days. It's typically a shame cycle thing. I'd recommend the book "Surfing for God" if you like reading about recovery, that book has probably been one of the most helpful.

But I think the secret sauce is getting a sponsor. Someone who is an advocate vs a probation officer. I call him every day through Marco Polo so I encourage you in your accountability partner search, and I would highly recommend you talk to him every day either through text or Marco Polo or phone calls, I think that's made the difference for me the last couple months.

 

I am so sorry man. I have been in the exact same situation, but I must say: there is an energy in the air whenever one holds on to such a grand thing. The energy behind the lie grows, and it actually feeds the addiction. It becomes fuel to recourse back to PMO. Being addicted for so long you know when I tell you that porn is our safe place, at least that is what our minds think. Your lie will eventually be uncovered. Who is the one that is going to pull the cover off? She will have more respect for you if you are the one, but I cannot tell you anything about whether or not you will be together after you tell her. The lie will eat at you, it will cause you to lose focus, it will cause you to lash out at others. When the lie becomes normal you will not understand why you are so [insert bad emotion here].

I only wish to help, jackstraya.

 

My thinking is this:

1. You need to resolve your faith crisis first and foremost. If you have doubts about God, you will not receive answers from Him as you might wish. "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him." (Hebrews 11:6). "But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord." (James 1:6-7).

In other words, before coming to God, and planting your faith firmly in the promises He has given, you will have no power in prayer, and will, therefore, be left to struggle alone against the temptation--an impossible task, I think. Enlist God's help first. He will accept you as you are: ". . . him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out" (John 6:37).

An excellent book on coming to God, just as you are, and going through the process of confession, repentance, faith, and sanctification, is "Steps to Christ," by Ellen White. You may download or read it online at no cost HERE.

Here are a few choice quotes from the book that will encourage you--and the book has so much more than this.

2. I'm not persuaded that it would be best at this point to inform your wife. It would be nice if she were supportive of you, regardless. However, it sounds as if your relationship might be in jeopardy were she to be involved. The Bible does say we are to confess our faults one to another (James 5:16, KJV), but our sins are to be confessed to God (Psalm 32:5; 1 John 1:9). The faults obviously deal with things others know already--things we have done to damage our relationships. But when we confide our sins to another, sins which he or she did not know about beforehand, it often does more harm than good. It may even plant the seed of thought in the other's mind to do likewise, or cause him or her to lose faith seeing as the one (you) whom they have regarded highly has fallen and caused them to lose confidence as well.

3. The real battle is in the mind. A mental slip may not immediately cause a physical failure, but it sets one on the slippery slope in that direction. It may be two or three days later before the results come. Battling the physical craving, without first controlling the mind, is pointless. Turn away from the very first temptation, the very first thought, of sin. This means not allowing yourself to give up, not allowing yourself any excuse or rationalization, and not allowing yourself to entertain any thoughts or fantasies of doing that which you are resolved to do no more. Maintain a firm course. It takes decision. But you can do it--anyone can--and others have done so. I know whereof I speak, for the battle was not easy, but, by God's grace, and by my own firm resolve, I have been victorious for multiple months now. You can, if you will. It takes willpower--but it will get easier to have that willpower if you begin to exercise your power of choice in the right direction.

Take courage!