Hi guys. I’m in need of some guidance. My boyfriend has come to realise his porn addiction (4-5 months ago) and has begun a reboot in a relationship. We are still intimate throughout this. He communicates that his love tank is empty, that despite reaching climax 1-3 times a day he finds our sex life boring, fantasises about other girls, doesn’t feel wanted by me. I’m very confused. We have started trying that only I initiate intimacy. When I do initiate he feels fantastic for a few hours before retreating into a ‘waiting for the next’ time to happen. If I don’t initiate fast enough, then he will initiate and then say that because I didn’t interpret his need, it therefore doesn’t count towards himfeeling loved by me. I understand wanting to feel wanted by me so I do my best to fulfil this. I have expressed that I feel like a substitute for pornography to which he agrees (usually when angry). But then doesn’t want to look at ways he could improve in his attitude or in the way we come together intimately. I feel like a failure and then on the other hand, angry because I feel like I give a ‘service’ and that we don’t build intimacy, just please him. Any feedback/advise on what to do from here would be appreciated.
Well first he has to totally stop PMO. Which it sounds like he is doing. So he should come to the NoFap forum and introduce himself so we can help him. That would be the best commitment. It's anonymous but he can share his story and we can give detailed guidance. Secondly, if you have decided to stay in a relationship with him. It may be sexless for a while during his reboot. One possibility is he can get a prescription for sex pills. And both of you will have way more confidence. But the downside is it makes him relapsing into PMO way more likely if he takes sex pills. Its just a big risk. So preferably he reboots for 90 days or he can try sex pills but still be 100% committed to no-PMO.
This might be a stretch. But if you think he might agree, you could try asking him to make an account here and come to us for help on how to quit. Addictions are serious and it's very hard to tackle them alone or even with a partner. We got your back. Autistic army.
Maybe it's an overstretch but it sounds like he's using you to replace the porn. How often was he accustomed to using porn to orgasm in a day? Physical intimacy is not the same thing as pmo, I'm not sure he gets it.
Before we met 14 months ago, He was using porn everyday (1-3 times a day) and binged on it once a week (more than five times)
This seems like a complicated relationship issue, first things first has he managed to stay 100% away from porn? I would say if you want to save the relationship then advice from a therpist might be the best way forward. Personally it sounds like you are trying hard to make it work but your boyfriend feels entitled to your affection and sex (and is manipulative about it). Personally I would say to cut back on the sex and try to build intimacy in other ways like going out on dates etc.