PMO Has No Power Over You

To be clear, I do not advocate dating during early recovery. In most cases, if you have PIED or frequent PMO flashbacks and urges, its better if you do not date. Do a long streak, such as 90+ days, and wait for your brain to heal first.

Once your symptoms go away and your brain has healed, you can use whatever online dating service you prefer.

 

I am at 60+ days and I also get triggering sensations from thumbnails. I have learned to recognize the beginning of that feeling. It often happens when I am browsing for something on Netflix. I have selected series that are suitable for my recovery without any suggestive content but when that series has finished I must browse and select another.

When I am on Netflix and I feel the triggering sensations starting, I have to close the website. And I usually leave the computer. It feels like I become disinterested in everything and I am only seeking the suggestive content. It feels like I can't enjoy the plot and the action. Sometimes it happens in the middle of the episode and I have to shut it off and do something else altogether.

I am very confident in myself during this recovery and I am 60+ days in, but I still have these temptations to self-sabotage.

That is why I encourage guys to absolutely stay away from these platforms for 7+, 14+, 30+, etc. days. In the early days we are most prone to relapse and need to control our behavior the most. Even up to 60+ days, we need to control our behavior and not indulge in fantasizing thoughts.

When you start to have fantasizing thoughts, get up and go somewhere else. Change the environment by walking into the other room, going outside, calling a friend, etc.

I always see cold showers being suggested but I see a danger in that. It might be a bad idea to take a cold shower because that involves undressing and it can easily be a substitute: "I want to PMO, but I shouldn't. I know! I will get naked, stand under the water and wash my genitals!"

It seems that cold showers still have the similar consequence of stimulating the genitals, albeit in a different way. I suggest doing something that takes your attention away from your genitals and that keeps your clothes on. Cold showers easily become another form of self-stimulation in a masochistic way and you can easily train yourself to cultivate sexual energy from them making you more vulnerable to relapse.

So I recommend not to cold shower when you feel temptation. Tempting thoughts or perceptions are always the first trigger, so learn to recognize them and acknowledge them, and immediately walk away. Physically walk away, shut the computer or phone, get up and change scenery. The images will fade away, I promise.

 

In that situation, sex pills become your friend. Stay on the path but don't let this problem destroy loving relationships. It is erectile dysfunction, so we do need medicine. However, it is a short-term solution because the underlying problem is still there until we can recover fully. Also sex pills don't cure desensitization, so despite being hard you don't feel that much pleasure except for orgasm. So that is added incentive to stay on the path and heal.

 

When we want to fap, we need to recognize those thoughts and physically walk away from that situation (i.e get off the bed, put away the phone, get away from the computer desk, etc) and reflect on what just happened.

Then we can train ourselves to interrupt the addictive thought processes once they begin to form. Instead of indulging them, we distract ourselves with something else and consciously reinforce our intention and purpose.

The most significant trigger is digital screens. 99% of relapses in the guys I have talked to start from viewing something on a screen (i.e. phone, computer, television, etc.). The triggers come from seeing simulations of reality made up of pixels.

Feeling excessive lust towards women in real life is usually a bi-product of intense pornography usage online. Some men are sex addicts and need different therapy for their real life lust. However, most of us with PIED need more real life exposure and less digital exposure.

 

Best thing to do is to setup preventative measures for when these lust attacks may come you have an action to implement. Turning off the internet is one of the best things you can do. However, the absolute #1 best thing you can do is to socialize with someone else: make a phone call, go out in-public, etc. The reason this is so difficult is because socializing (and walking away from electronics) is literally the last thing we feel like doing when a Fap Attack happens. Which is why we need to discipline ourselves to actually do it.

The next thing is to prevent the lust urges from coming in the first place. And this means consistency and healthy habits in the environment that support and reinforce good decision-making. Over time, the right decisions become easier and the wrong decisions less convenient. We want to arrange our life in such a way so that we are on a path of righteousness and discipline rather than hedonism and self-pleasure.

If you create the right environment, you will never want to spoil it with PMO. You will want to preserve its positive self-reinforcing greatness. We should strive to replace "our environment" with "our entire life". So that every action, thought and word goes towards the life we want to have. Then we have a true rootedness in our mind and being. Then we will resist temptations toward self-sabotage with every cell of our body, just as we resist crystal meth.

It begins with our immediate surroundings, our choices concerning whether to be alone and bored on the internet, and whether to allow privacy or not. It begins with how we use our devices - for endless recreation or for purposeful action. It begins with our larger vision of what we desire to experience in life - the mystery of being and presence on earth or the instant gratification dopamine rush of electronic hallucination? One is for a man and one is for a child.