A First

Please excuse the long post...

I am now one month into my reboot. I had been an avid P user since college (now over 15 years), and have been married for almost 8 years. Our sex life has been pretty nonexistent - I have always taken a long time to orgasm, if I did at all. I could count on one hand the amount of times I O'd while inside her. My inability to finish and the time it takes to do so has severely limited how often we have sex. We have been trying to get pregnant for several years and the only time we have sex is the few days around ovulation - I typically had to use my hand to get really close and then insert when I was about to ejaculate. It did not make for good intimacy. Prior to trying to get pregnant, we would go months without being intimate - she would never say it, but I know it was because it was a lot of work for her and took too long, always with disappointing results. In the intervening times, I would PMO while she was at work. I never made the connection that it was really hurting my performance - I thought I could just change my grip or think about her while watching P and it would help. I think I just told myself that to make me feel better.

Enter NoFap. I had visited the site over a year ago, thought it was interesting, but it didn't really connect with me at the time. But I had a colossal failure a month ago while we were trying and it finally hit me - my P use was causing a problem. I remember NoFap and revisited the site. It has been so encouraging to see the efforts of all of you who are on this site and I also find the posts by the wives/significant others to be enlightening. I can't believe that I justified my P use for so long. I have a medical background, so the videos on P and dopamine really hit home. So 31 days ago, I embarked on my journey to stop PMO altogether. Previous efforts had been half-hearted at best - I thought I could use P and edge without O and be ok or that I could M without using P and be ok. Neither approach worked well. But this time has been different. I have felt a few urges, but when I got one, I would think of the posts I have read on this site or come to this site to gain motivation and support.

So here's where the success part comes in. A little over a week ago (3 weeks into the reboot), it was time to try again. I always looked forward to this time of the month, but when we start, I typically start to panic about whether or not I would be able to finish, which would become a self-fulfilled prophecy. Not this time. It felt so much different! And I was able to finish inside of her without any problem! (We were visiting family at the time, so I couldn't scream out in ecstacy/relief, but I did inside my head). Since then, we have had sex 3 more times over the next week (a rarity in and of itself) and I have been able to finish each time. I have never been able to do that. I've never even finished inside her two straight times before. And the feeling is completely different (and fantastic). And she has obviously noticed and has been more willing to have sex as well (probably because it doesn't take hours and cause frustration). Who knew sex was so great? (Everyone, you dummy!) I HAVE BEEN MISSING OUT ON THIS FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS. I am ecstatic that I seem to have turned the corner, but I am also disgusted with myself that 1) I didn't figure this out sooner and 2) that I deprived myself of successful intimacy with my wife for so many years.

Thank you to the NoFap site and members for being so open and honest about your struggles and successes and for providing such a supportive environment. I still have to stay vigilant in the future, but I have more motivation than ever to never go back to PMO. Stay strong everyone!

 

Thanks @Icyweb!

 

Congratulations ! I hope you have a bubs soon.
CK