Tips to man up

If you aren't able to be happy when you're alone, you are more likely to make a poor choice of girlfriend (anyone who will have you). It's unrealistic to think that things will work out with the first girl you date. In reality you are going to have to date many girls before you find the right one. Sometimes they will dump you and sometimes you will dump them. It took me until age 29 to find my soulmate.

My advice for getting over a breakup is... don't just be alone with your thoughts. Spend time with your male friends doing things you enjoy. Once you aren't depressed about this girl anymore, you can try dating again.

 

Every day at 3:00 pm, ask God for what you seek : confidence, happiness, a girlfriend, the love of your life, joy, simplicity... Whatever it is that you miss.

I promise you my friend, within a few weeks or months, if you do it everyday, you'll get exactly what you need.

 

Improve your social skills. There are no magic pills.

 

What's the best way to do that? Whenever I try to improve mine (usually trying to do what I read about in books or blogs) it always feels so mechanical and I rarely feel any kind of connection. Imagine trying to walk by controlling every individual muscle in your legs.

 

You should focus on skills like:

• Leadership skills
• Social skills
• Sense of humor (yes, this is a learnable skill)
• Etiquette
• Presentation, public speaking
• Vocal / voice training
• Conversation skills
• Body language
• Style
• Listening (very important)
• Strength and warmth balance
• Body conditioning / transformation
• Conflict resolution
• Parenting
• Etc

As you go out in the world with an improved version of yourself, you will see people wanting to be around you because you have more to offer them. Your social life improves and so does your support structure. This will have a compounding effect which will make more charisma and confidence project out of you.

 

Yeah. I also need to grow a pair of balls.

 

You're me 10 years ago. You'll moan and complain and when it works you'll be like "that was easy" wondering what the fuss was all about. You're not old, you're still starting out. The girls are out in force. The best thing you can do for yourself is learn some game. It's not an easy task for some of us, but its what you need to do to stop feeling like a screw up with one girl is the end of the world. Bite the bullet and focus. You'll feel the better for it.

 

This is so true. If you focus solely on what you want instead of what you don't want you will get it. Try and really be happy, do things you enjoy doing that make you feel happy and then every day focus on the feeling of having a wonderful girlfriend for a few minutes. If you believe in God ask him for this person, if you don't just imagine her in your mind and how it will feel to be with her. I know it sounds hocus pocus but it works! Right now you are focused too much in the negative and this will only bring you more negative.

 

That's because you are in resistance to who you are as a person. It's like being in resistance to the natural flow of your muscles by trying to get them to move in specific ways. The main thing is just accept you for who you are and be yourself. Do you respect women who try to be someone they aren't or do you appreciate women who are confident in who they are? If you just accept who you are and not try to change into someone you think you should be everything else will fall into place for you.

 

A dry-patch is a terrible place to be. The only tonic I feel is socialising. Just make sure you get as many chances to hang out with women that you can get. Also relax.

Yeah, I feel there is not much to add to that. Take every chance you can to hang out with people and socialise, especially women, and importantly learn to relax and be relaxed in social settings, especially around women.

 

Don't forget numchuck skills. I'm pretty sweet with a bo staff.

 

Oh, I count that as fantasising!

 

Nothing wrong with a little innocent fantasising.

Innocent is the key word though.

 

I disagree with @Limeaid.

I agree with @NoBrainer. Note the mental state Jake is in...

For a addict of masturbation and pornography, suggesting he imagines a girl in his mind and how it would feel to be with her. That is INSANE! OMG: Don't do it Jake!

 

You gotta be innocent, ya dig?

 

I absolutely did not mean to fantasize sexually about her. I meant to think about being in a relationship with his ideal woman. I really am not that stupid Right now he is focused on lack of a gf, I suggested he focus on what it will be like when he gets a gf. Non sexual fantasy is perfectly fine. It doesn't even have to be a specific person or image just the positive feeling of being in a relationship!

 

All honesty though. While under the influence of porn imagining fatherhood and the lovely responsibilities is very difficult.

Day 80 now and my desire now is actually transferring from P to wanting to find a wife and raise a family.

 

The more you look to who you WANT to be, the faster you will get there.

 

@Limeaid, I realised that you were referring to a non-sexual fantasy. However, it is probable that a male masturbation/porn addict fantasising about his ideal woman would find that fantasy would become sexual.