First of all, i would like to apologies to all those i gave advice to and inspire, only to breakdown and PMO after 155 days. Let me first explain how it happened. 2:30 am this morning, i woke up in some form of trance, highly aroused, as horny as i have ever been in my life. My groin was buzzing. There was only one thing on my mind... In this highly aroused trance, i went to view porn. That was it, i was in the "Zone" The zone where nothing else mattered but myself in that moment with dopamine flooding my brain and I wanted the release so bad. I became fully conscious of what i was doing, but still, nothing mattered, the 155 days/progress meant nothing to me in that moment. That was it, i PMO'd. Im not going to lie, in that moment, i loved every minute of it, and this is dangerous as it can easily lead to chaser. I am already getting thoughts that, because i have already PMO'd, that maybe another one wont hurt. I know from experience that thats where the fall back to the abyss starts. I must stay away completely. However, i am surprised to find that upon orgasm, i did not feel ashamed, nor did i feel what i previously would feel when PMOing in the past. I felt relaxed, and happy in that moment. But i did feel sorry i have let my NoFap companions down. I have said in the past, that this website is the backbone of my abstinence, hence why i am a supporter. And man was i right, the past few weeks i have practically been non existent on this website and look what happened. I let my guard down and felt that nothing will stop me. What i do know is, that its not a big factor in how long one has abstained. 1 day, 10, 100, 1000. Its a number, and can break at any given moment. What does matter, is how one changes their attitude/habits in life to change themselves for the better, and thats where abstaining will help. I am writing this thread not feeling ashamed of speaking of my fail. I am sitting here proud. From someone who viewed porn on a daily basis and PMO'd often, i stopped for 155 days. I accept my fail, its through failures that we ultimately conquer and this is another learning curve for me. Oddly enough, the trance i woke up in, i have experienced many nights, but dealt with it. This will be the biggest problem i now face, i must deal with these aroused trances if i am to move forward once more. Coming to this website will be key for me. I must say that after i have PMO'd earlier, i do not feel much change, in the sense that i feel the same as how i felt a day before failed. Now im not saying to anyone that they should feel free to PMO, thats not the case. But to me, the fact i am not feeling regret filled, or self pity indicates progress. Sure i went 155 days, the main fact is, i have changed as a person and improved in so many areas of my life. If i was to keep PMOing now, thats when shit gets bad. The morale of this story is, do not let your guard down, at no point, it can lead to a spiral of turmoil. Its time for me get back to business. I may have lost the battle, but i have not lost the war.
Woah, after 5 months... Then... You done it again! I don't know what to tell you, man. Well, I wish when you wake up, you have a partner to relieve you of the morning wood instead of going back to Mr-always-there PMO. My addiction to PMO was so bad that I have been prescribed medication. Moreover I've installed a porn filter which finally nailed my PMO demon to the vampire's coffin. So I have the easy way out now since I no longer have "raging hormones" to deal with and no longer can accidentally stumble upon any porn websites. I've also just finished deleting old porn links in my email accounts and every time I look back at how I used to accumulate saved links in my bookmarks, I keep telling myself, "Geez, I'm extremely sexually frustrated, as usual, aren't I?" I was slapping my forehead and banging the table for my mindless two-decade addiction. There was a lot of emails and links to delete. Congratulations... 5 months no PMO... You are superman.
I can imagine a single slip up not being that bad after such a long period. But you are right in that you must avoid binging. Its not like you have undone all your progress at all. Congratulations on such a long streak! I see it like getting a cut. Your body can heal a single cut, but if you keep adding on cuts before the first one has healed then you are going to get into trouble. A minor injury becoming a major one. However after such a long period the fact that you don't feel so bad after a single cut shows that you where probably either healed or very close.
First off, congrats on making it so long. That is really impressive. I would be wary of how you categorize the feeling you had before you slipped, however. To call it a 'trance' sounds to me like you are externalizing it from yourself in a way. You need to own every state of mind that comes your way. Even if it was brought about by external influences, it is now YOUR state of mind, and your responsibility to deal with it and navigate your way through it. Don't lose that grip on yourself! Best of luck.
Well done on going for so long, brother. It sounds like you was able to reboot within this time anyway, so it's up to you now if you choose to do nofap forever or not. As always, I suggest it being a lifestyle. All the best.
You shouldn't apologise, HB. You've given advice in exactly the right spirit and with exactly the right intention - that should be celebrated. As should 155 days, it's an incredible achievement. Hooray! Good stuff, friend! Want to do a day with me? I'm happy to - we can do today, just today. MoT.
Thanks, it looks like it as I feel normal and not shitty after it. Must have rebooted to some extent. It's make or break time now
You can do it, man. I believe in you. You've already done it before. Just do everything you did before, but better. I know this might sound low, but just have a mindset that you don't even need to PMO at all, under any circumstance. Use that built up sexual energy to just attract women and be intimate with them. Much better than masturbating.
Have you considered locking yourself out of your laptop between, say, 1 am and 4 am, or something? Whatever the time is you tend to wake up in this trance. You'd be able to unlock it, but it would at least be a speed bump.
I am unbelievably horny when I wake up as well, both in the morning and during the middle of the night if I wake up. I haven't MO'd in 8 days, but I relapsed twice before that. Both were right when I woke up. I don't know what it is about that time of your day that makes masturbating feel so right. Any other time of the day I can easily fend off urges just by keeping myself busy. Also, be very proud of 155 days, that is significant. You now know what determination and frame of mind it takes to abstain from PMO and masturbation, so I have complete confidence that you will recover from this like a scraped knee.
A relapse is not a failure unless you fail to learn from it. You have an amazingly positive attitude. As others have said, your lack of bad feelings shows a substantially successful reboot. If fap-free-for-life is your goal, then beware of the chaser effect, and just keep doing what served you so well for so long. It's a minor setback.
