Today marks three years since I started my journey. On one hand, it feels like yesterday when I first started it; on the other hand, it seems like so long and far away. I know that there is still a long way to go, but I have my foundation and know I need to put it into practice. I didn't think it was possible, I had no idea what I would do, and I know many people wonder the same thing, but it is possible. It is not easy, and everyone has to find their own path to travel, you have to want to take it. I believe that there are a few things everyone must do, and of course, if you do them even when it's a pain, you will succeed. I have a Facebook page and Discord channel where I share my experience and help whoever wants it, message me and I will send you links and will try to help in any way I can. Stay Strong everyone!!!
Congrats Wade! I have just started my journey but your testimony makes me feel I can do this. Please send me the link to your fb page.
congratulations on the long-lasting recovery just want to ask some few things. sorry if this looks copied-and-pasted or looks like a spam, because I'm trying to ask others about quite the same thing on similar forum post, which happen to be among my most important concerns: 1. what are the most tempting times/worst times that you've been through? how did you get through it? 2. did some of your mental strategies fail you in the past? did a mindset that brought you to PMO recovery fail you? if yes, does it happen once, or several times? how do you get through it?
Hey man, I don't mind answering your questions. 1. there were many different situations, especially in the beginning, from random urges to seeing something on the internet that gets me triggered, to getting triggered watching movies, ogling other women. It was hard and I struggled, but I made a decision not to lie to my wife, and talking to her was the biggest help. Then I started to build the foundation, boundaries, making sure I stay true to my routine, and a combination of so many things helped me to get where I am. 2. Well, I am not going to count attempts before January 2018, cause they weren't attempts at all, there was no mindset then and all ended up finding a way to hid from my wife till it all came out anyways 12 years late. This time, when I started I had no mindset either but at least I at on this forum, and people helped me get into the right mindset. And yes, there were times that my mindset failed me, I didn't relapse and PM'ed, but I looked at provocative pictures that I knew was not ok because it could've pushed me over the edge, I ogled some women knowing that they there and I was trying to be a better man and ogling was a big part of my addiction. So, yes I've made some mistakes and it happened a few times. Once again, I talked to my wife and figured out boundaries and how else I could've acted, what else I could've done in those situations. I hope this helps. Thank you for your response, good luck and stay strong!!!
thanks for the answer! about opening up to your wife, besides honesty, what convinced you personally that opening up to your wife will really help you recover? I tried to open up to my parents when I was in 8th/9th grade, several years ago. There were some disappointment, I-would-not-do-that-again stuff, etc. But it stopped at that as far as I can remember. No further evaluation between us, plus I don't want to bother them since they have enough problems.. and I think they're probably clueless too about the how-tos on recovering from addiction (my father's a heavy smoker). I'm afraid that opening up again to them and asking them to support me while knowing that they're clueless about ways towards addiction recovery might just stress them up... I'm not confident about opening up. Maybe, do you have any opinion on this? Once again, thank you!
Well, I listened to this guy who used to be a porn and sex addict, and now he is a therapist, can't find his video anymore, but he talks about how you need to be honest with your spouse. The things till I became vulnerable with my wife my recovery didn't really start. I believe it's a bit different with parents, you are very young and your first disclosure was really early, I don't even remember even thinking I had a problem back then. So, I think you need to find someone to be open, honest, and vulnerable, a friend or some support group. As for your parents, they don't have to know about addiction to be supportive, plus they can learn there is so much information out there, but simply being there and listening is a big support. Hope it helps, Stay strong!!!
Just remember, not to get too relaxed, because it may seem that you are done, but you're actually never done with this If you slip you fall, so be careful
That is very impressive man, congratulations. I hope to reach your level as well. 85 days no P, 13 days no MO, 1 MO relapse due to the insomnia I had been facing. My questions for you would be: 1: did you battle fatigue during your reboot? Like daily exhaustion, how long did it take to get better? I really miss my energy from morning to night. 2: Did you find that you would get easily stressed ? How long did this take to change? 3: Did you have anxiety during your reboot? Has it dissipated/how long? 4: What is the biggest change you've noticed over the last 3 years? Thank you for your answers and congratulations on such an awesome achievement brother!
Thanks for the answer! Up until today, outside of my parents, I can't think of other people I personally know that I can really trust (confidentially and emotionally). However, I think, when it comes to being open and honest, there's a quite immense opportunity here, on this site. I can describe my circumstances in detail and get a constructive reply in return with no shame, the way you gave your feedback on my questions/circumstances. But when it comes to being vulnerable, I'll try to self-parent myself; to create conversations between my troubled self and my inner parent. In my experience, it gives a good space for me to be vulnerable to myself. Plus, thanks for the encouragement! Hoping for great things along your journey
Thanks man, I know that I am not done and I have a long road ahead of me. However, the way I leave now is becoming my lifestyle so it's easier and I am getting more and more used to it, and it becomes easier and easier. I know that I need to continue to grow and improve myself. Good luck man and stay strong.
Thanks man, and I am sure that you can get where I am, it's not easy but you can do it. 1: did you battle fatigue during your reboot? Like daily exhaustion, how long did it take to get better? I really miss my energy from morning to night. Well, I work nights and fatigue is not new to me, I am always tired and I just try to get a shot I whenever I can. Even these days I got so tired I can't stay up even though it's too early to go to sleep. So, sorry I can't help you with that cause I am not sure what caused my fatigue, whether due to withdrawal or lack of sleep. 2: Did you find that you would get easily stressed ? How long did this take to change? Oh yes I did get stressed and irritated easily, even now I still continue working on it. I have a deep problem with anger issues and sometimes I have a really hard time controlling it. 3: Did you have anxiety during your reboot? Has it dissipated/how long? Well, I am not sure what you mean during the reboot, I never did the hard mode cause even though I stopped the PM, I still continue being intimate with my wife, that helped a lot. However, I did have anxiety and even panic attacks but I had to learn how to deal with it. We all prone to it cause it's tied to emotions. What helped is talking to my wife, being really vulnerable with her, journaling is a good way too, meditation(which is on its own a challenge for me, but it helped when I did it). The best thing was always talking to my wife, she knew how to hold my space and help me with it. 4: What is the biggest change you've noticed over the last 3 years? For me, the biggest challenge had been checking out women. I was so used to doing it and it was an addiction on its own, I even checked out women in front of my wife, and it was so hard to stop and reprogram my mind. My wife is very beautiful and attractive, but I checked out so quickly and started looking for something else, don't know even what, but didn't want to let her go. These days and it took a while, I only want her and only her, there are no one else matters, I don't have an urge to look at anyone anymore, I still notice but it's different and I just don't care for any of them. I really believe that if you with a woman that you love and want to be with, you won't need or want to look at anyone else, and if you are not with a woman like that you need to find that woman. I hope that helped, good luck man and stay strong.
Well, my wife almost left me, to be honest, she told me that we are done. When I join this forum I didn't know what I am going to do and how long, I wasn't sure it would last. Thinking back, I think I joined cause I still was hoping that she would stay. Then little by little I started to make changes and I liked those changes, I liked what they did to me. My mind is clear, my relationship was never before, I understand what it means to be grateful and happy, I feel better in general, those are just a few things that improved in my life. Trust me it's worth it, I spent so much time and energy looking and watching P, and now I have more time for myself and my family, I am present. I hope this answers your questions, good luck man and stay strong.
Hello mate. Congrats on your progress. I tend to have resets after long periods of sobriety. What is the key to long term recovery? Whats that one thing you swear by?
There is no one thing. There are many things that are combined, it's the discipline, it's the routine, it's the healthy habits, it's the connection, it the support of others cause you can't do it on your own. These are just a few things from the top of my head and I can't even pick one if I had to cause they all important, you need to do them all in order to succeed, at least that's what I believe. I hope it helps, good luck and stay stron.
Amazing progress! It really motivates me to see you having been able to do this and 3 years really shows a change of mindset. You already got a few questions, but I seen you mentioned checkout out women or ogling and I feel I have the same problem. Do you have any tips or mental tricks that helped you overcome this? As soon as a I go out I can't stop looking at women and I'm usually not a creep, but it does feel wrong since I am also in a relationship with who I love.
Yeah, it was one of my biggest challenges. Start from trying to be mindful and see if you can count how many times you check out women. Also, what helps it looking at women in a more humanizing way, what I mean is that when we ogle with objectify them and see them more as objects, "oh look at her ass" or "oh look at her boob". Try to look at them as someone's mother, sister, daughter, wife. It's not easy and it will take time. Also, what helped me is to develop a strong connection with my wife. I always found my wife attractive, from the first moment I saw her I thought she was out of my league and couldn't believe I was dating her. However, I checked out pretty quickly and started looking at other women, but didn't want to let her go, fear of being lonely. When I started my recovery and more time passed and clearer my mind became, stronger our connection grew, I just start seeing her in a different light. I didn't want anyone else, I didn't care about anyone else, I still notice women and I recognize who is attractive and who I would've ogled in the past but I don't get the same feeling as used to get, that urge to look, the desire to ogle. I hope it answers your question if you have any more questions you are more than welcome to ask. Good luck and stay strong.
