Asexual wife

Of course it is possible. However you need to realize this is the most important decision in your life, because you can't reverse it later. It sounds like it would mean a life of abstinence. Do you think this is what God wants for you? No right answer here.

 

Hello nDrew:

Yes, It can be done.

However IMHO I believe relationships should try to stay balanced.
If you give something, then she gives back something else. If you give something positive, and she returns something positive and a little more. Then the balance is not there and you have to return the balance giving the same and a little more and so on... Then you are both nurturing the relation.

If you give her something bad, then she returns something bad but just a little less. And so on... so at the end the relation recovers its balance.

But in this situation when you are willing to sacrifice something this big for her, where will be the balance? What load will she feel? or what will you want from her in return? I don't mean like if you were consciously going to expect something immediately, I mean in some years subconsciously you may probably feel that this is not balanced.

Just give it some time to feel and think about it. Of course talk about it with her too.

( excuse my english, is my second language, I hope you get the idea )

 

Are you referring to the "Love Bank" concept, where spouses make deposits and withdrawals from one another's accounts, trying to maintain balances above a romantic love threshold? It's very interesting indeed.

 

Hello Monster_carrot, not really...

I mean both persons working together trying to bring their best to the relation. And of course both making sacrifices. But when somebody says:
"I give you my life, putting aside my happiness."
Is not fair for him nor the partner. For the partner its a big load to carry and accept to live with that.
I mean giving up sex for life is a big thing. He should talk about it with her and think it very very well.
And if both agree, then its ok. But its the couple's agreement. Not something he makes secretly as sacrifice.

 

dude, not to be too blunt or insensitive here, but do you hear yourself? You don't even know if this girl even likes you, you are falling for her, and you're talking about marriage with her? This is delusional at best.

How do you even know she isn't just saying she's asexual to you? I have seen girls act completely asexual to some men, while very sexual and flirty to others based on her attraction and how the man acts and behaves.

I don't want to jump to conclusions, but based on the information you gave, it seems like you are just really infatuated with a girl, pedestal-izing her, and you are getting completely carried away in some fantasy land. A fantasy land, where you are so submissive that you sacrifice your need for a sexual relationship... You should really think hard about what must be going through your mind to even get to a place like that.

To answer the question you asked, I strongly feel that if you are not asexual and do indeed have sexual urges, it is not likely at all that you could be in a sexless relationship with someone that you are sexually attracted to. You would eventually grow to resent the person or at the very least start to desire someone else and pursue sex with them. For the vast majority of people, sex and physical togetherness are very important to bond with and continue to love someone. That's the way most people's brains are hard wired.

 

Sex is natural and it is an essential part of life. We are not monogamous creatures and we go against our instincts when choosing only one partner. I think we have a responsibility to try to satisfy our partner with sex.

 

Is this girl really asexual or just a teenager/virgin who is really religious? Like the type that won't watch a PG-13 movie because it's evil and wants to date a nice church boy and not kiss him until the wedding day? Because I met girls like that in high school.

I'm not religious at all but I'm pretty sure God made sex for a reason. You should never put yourself in a position where you can't have it. If this girl is truly asexual then let her marry an asexual guy, or stay single.

When I was young I also thought about potential marriage compatibility before the first damn date. But that is just a foolish way to approach dating!

 

... an interesting idea i found that of marnia robinson's in her book cupid's poisoned arrow (or search her on youtube or her website). essentially her point is that you can satisfy what you get through orgasm or other excesses (dopamine) by replacing it with a less destructive bonding experience (oxytocin).
with guys, typically their libido goes down, when they're really in love (the opposite is apparently true for girls) and that seems to be a little the direction of her approach.
the special thing about her thing, is that she has a kind of discipline to cultivate this.
let's just assume here, that she is really asexual and that this is not just a typical girl/woman's way to control a frame:
asexuals come in many variations. some still crave affection, others like to cuddle or even roughhouse. and they don't necessarily mind some degree of arousal in a close partner.
imho, it's worth keeping an open mind and exploring. it does help a lot, though, if you have some other higher mission together that is a lot more important to you than the details of your sexuality...

 

Theoretically you can have a relationship without sex but there aren't any living beings at an intelligence level of self consciousness that don't have sexual desires hard-wired into their brain, otherwise we wouldn't be here. Also, don't think that just because you love this girl, that she's the only person you ever feel this way about. As long as what you want/need is healthy, and sex IS healthy, don't ever compromise what you need just to be with someone else, there are many fish in the sea.