Is sex necessary for a successful relationship?

If you have two partners, neither of whom value sex at all, then you can have a "successful", sexless relationship.

Men tend to value sex more in relationships, whereas women don't seem to care as much about it.

 

No, there are woman out there that are not into sex. They are the minority but exists.

One thing to have in mind is that woman bond with his partner mostly thru intimacy and sex. So if you don't do it it's going to be harder for her to bond with you so a good connection is going to be harder to achieve.

 

Sexual attraction is key. Without it, we would all be dating our grandmas.

Sex itself is important as long as one or both parties in the relationship want it. Denying a sexual spouse physical intimacy for a longer duration takes a big toll on a relationship.

There is a tendency among sex/pornography addicts to compartmentalize sex and move it away from the romantic relationship, i.e. wanting a friendship/deeper connection with the spouse while exclusively sexualize others. Further, porn addicts call this "love" and expect the spouse to be happy and settled with this glorified friendship that has never been agreed upon. Relationships where this is a problem end poorly.

 

It is essential if you want a girl to fall in love with you, sex creates intimacy also hormones like oxytocin which create happiness and attachement

Women are just too different from men. I could not find a way to connect very deeply without sex to someone of the opposite sex. Specially at the begining when you are just staring to create love.

If the girl is not into sex, men it is something wrong with her. Then just be celibate. what it is the point then of a relationship.

 

Not necessary, but makes it a lot more fun. And don't assume it's always the guy wanting more. There are plenty of instances of woman having a higher sex drive than the man in a relationship.

 

Q for you: how many women in the world would want to live a PMO-free life and only engage in non-orgasmic forms of sex like karezza?

At least at this time, I'd only want orgasmic sex with a partner in a meaningful relationship for the purpose of having children.

I don't know much about women's rebooting experiences, but it seems to me that it's mostly or almost entirely only men who wanna cut the O off long-term or even forever because they wanna feel powerful and conquer major goals and make dragon noises when they see their streaks expand. I can only think of women quitting P & M permanently. I haven't heard of one who doesn't O long-term either (unless for religious reasons).

 

I have no personal experience of karezza, but I've only heard good things about it. I'm sure many female spouses would try it out if it had all those benefits its claimed to have.

Why only for the purpose of having children? A regular woman with her libido intact would likely feel a bit hurt and used if she knew her husband saw her as mainly a breeding animal. As for "meaningful", I've noticed that this usually mean a partially or fully platonic friendship, which tend to work only if the woman doesn't have any sexual attraction towards her husband and is able to control her desire towards others. What does meaningful mean to you? Why is sexual passion excluded from your definition of meaningful?

Don't know anything about female rebooting either. It makes sense that abstinence brings on its own powers, for both women and men (everyone from historical scientists to religious people have sourced power from it with great success) but having a healthy sex life with a partner could also be a fruitful experience.

Most likely the success rate for quitting both are equal among genders.

 

There is a general lack of focus on intimacy in how we view relationships in today's culture. There is also an overwhelming focus on pornography.
Think about it. So much focus lies on the attraction-part (the non-sustaining part) and so little attention is given to what makes a relationship between the sexes grow (the sustaining part).

 

Very easy to speculate about, very hard to answer. Without having ever been in a relationship myself, my guess is that it depends on the individuals involved. I think you have to face that problem personally before you can justify an answer.

 

What planet are you from???

 

Thanks for responding. I don't think I got the question across correctly. I'm not asking if a woman would quit O because her partner wanted to abstain from it. I wouldn't want someone I loved to be deprived like that of something that she'd rather desire and expect from me. I was wondering if a woman would decide to abstain from orgasm completely on her own, without her partner's pressure, just because she wanted to.

I didn't know that women considered sex essential for bonding. I guess it makes sense evolutionarily. I personally don't feel like my love for a partner would be dependent on orgasms. I'd want physical intimacy, sure, just without the orgasms. Love to me feels like I want the girl to be mine for the rest of my life. I don't feel like orgasms are necessary to keep that alive. Maybe women feel differently, and I understand that.

FYI I've never been in a relationship, and I'm still a virgin at 22. I have been in love and have wanted relationships, but nothin ever worked out because of several reasons. Those things haven't been my top priorities by any stretch anyways, and for the last 2-3 years I've been declining opportunities to be in relationships due to other life factors. I got a lot to do before I can even think about a partner.

Orgasms just seem like candy to me. If I can avoid them altogether, that's good. If it's a rare treat, that's still okay. Having them frequently would make me feel sick and addicted. I know that sex is different than masturbation (the latter being the only way I've experienced orgasms), but I don't see how I can't get the best of both worlds, and have both physical intimacy and orgasmic abstinence. I'd definitely get into orgasms as well if they were essential to the woman I loved.

 

As a woman, I didn't know it either! Men usually put a lot of emotions in the reasons why women want to have sex, sometimes it can be a bit funny. From what I know, women want to have sex because they are horny and attracted to the man!

Denying a woman sex and orgasms is like saying; "I'm not attracted to you, you are not enough of a woman in my eyes". It puts a strain on her self esteem.

You are 22 and have your whole life ahead of you to discover relationships, so no stress there. Perhaps you should ask yourself why orgasming feels like a bad idea. Now, you've only experienced them alone, in an unhealthy setting. But sex with a person doesn't work like that. It's a whole other animal. It's orgasms within a context of love, passion, curiosity, closeness and exploration. It's something else completely. Maybe you will find that you don't need to restrain yourself if it's done in a healthy way.

 

I don’t think you can have a good relationship with a woman if you are not having sex.

1. Because that woman wants to feel sexy, attractive, feminine and confident.

2. She also needs to be free. You cannot control a woman. They have their own life and their own decisions. You cannot force her to do things. She is always the one who makes her own choices: you just have to hope that she chooses you as her partner and accept her choice regardless of the outcome.

3. And then you need to let her know that she is YOUR absolute number one (assuming that she is: or else you would be dishonest). Show her your desire and tell her your desire. Surprise her with gifts. Touch her. Let her know that she is number one.

In my opinion, these three things should be the core of any relationship. Why would you, as a man, want to be in a relationship with a person that you don’t desire?

 

Maybe I will find a balance there. I just don't wanna end up overvaluing a relationship and wanting a break-up/divorce a few years later when the passion is lost. I don't think sex can carry a relationship forever, although it might help.

Thanks for the insight.

 

Don't worry, you will grow to hate her a bit regardless marriage is tough and sex surely is not intended to carry a relationship, it's just an important ingredient.

Nobody wants to loose passion or go through a divorce. Some do anyway, and some don't. Not having sex when one of the spouses want it will put a very difficult, and in some cases unnecessary strain, on a relationship.

I hear that you think frequent orgasms will cause you to loose passion and make you more likely to divorce in the future. I'm not sure if there is any scientific papers that have concluded this to be the case. I can't quote any, as I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure science tells us that nurturing our sex lives throughout a long marriage is one of the secrets to end up together instead of divorcing. So explore your options.

 

It really depends on you and your partner's desires, values, capabilities, and relationship type to determine sexual compatibility.

 

The planet where I make observations based on the greatest amount of scientific research available

 

We care a whole lot, just as much as men (go into the relationship forums and read about all the sex starved women!) However, from what I've noticed, women are more susceptible to grow tired of her mate faster then men. She still values sex, but no longer desire the man she needs to have it with.

This is usually a result from neglect (no romance, being taken for granted, his porn), too much duties (childcare, household, workplace), the man not taking care of himself physically, hormonal contraceptives, antidepressants.