Peoples, I've never dated in my entire life. I've had multiple bouts of severe chronic depression in the past that caused me to start late in life. I now have a job working full time with my local city's government helping people by vaccinating them from viruses, a job i really enjoy a lot and feel I fit into. I decided a while ago I was going to try and make something of my life, with help and control of medications, so that one day I could find the right girl to fall deeply in love with and get married to. I've lost 30 lbs in this endeavor. My problem is I have almost zero experience flirting with girls and asking them out. I feel at my age like an outcast, the one society forgot and decided I would forever be apart because I'm 28 and have never been on a single date. I cannot say there are not/have not been opportunitues on occassion, as there have been. It's just that I was taught all my life that dating is serious business, a prequel to marriage, and took it to the extreme. Therefore I am very hesitant to ask a girl out, because I have always wanted it to be breathtaking, magical, super special, etc. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic like that, believing in fairy tale love and marriages; and the prospect of screwing it up is heavy on me, casuing me to never work up the courage to ask a girl I like out. It scares the hell out of me and therefore I don't know how to go about properly asking a girl out. Plus, I worry that I will never be good enough for a beautiful woman, and that she deserves better eventhough I know there are guys out there that are just total douche bags to women, yet they still get them to go out with them. I don't know how to ask without making a fool of myself. Any suggestions anybody has for me? What should I do? How do I get started in this game of love so I can find my life partner? Is it too late?
I wouldn't worry about your age. My gf hasn't dated anyone until she was 34. Now, she'll turn 35, and we've been together for a little short of 8 months, and I could never tell that I'm her first bf. I had a number of experienced gfs before so I can make a comparison, but let me tell you, you haven't missed anything. It seems to me that you have a lot of ideas about how dating should look like, how to ask someone out to make it really special. I'm sure you have a whole bunch of images in your head about dating, sex, marriage and stuff like that. The problem is, they are in your head, and if you act according to them, you'll hit the brick wall of reality soon enough, and you'll hurt yourself. Here are a few things I suggest to keep in mind: 1- even if you're the best guy in the world, some women say no. that's not a problem, not their fault, and not yours 2- while dating should be serious (I'm a follower of Jesus, and I hold His views in the topic) first things first! We don't start a relationship with marriage. Dating is a period of time where you try to figure out if you could or should marry the other one. This is the goal of dating, to get to know the other as best as you can. 3- there are 3 things that keep a relationship together: physical attraction, matching personalities, common worldview. Not musical taste or series you like. You gotta aim to get to know the others opinion in really important matters. But before that you gotta get a date, right? Here are a few helpful ideas: - Before you start dating, I suggest you to find an activity you like doing, find a group of people who also like to do that, join them, and start practicing. Benefits: you socialize without pressure and you do something you enjoy. - Actually asking someone out is not hard, but you gotta keep it simple, clean and real. No buckets of roses and chocolates and that stuff in the beginning. You just ask: "Hey, do you want to hang out with me tomorrow afternoon? I know this place here." Keep cool, the stakes are low. All you want to do is get to know them better. Maybe they are pretty but that still doesn't mean they are relationship material...for you. Did you find this useful? I hope I could help. Best of luck!
First I want to say, I don't get flu shots and by nature your trade scares the bageebees out of me. I hate needles. This deserves recognition on its own man. Good job! You are definitely not to old. I can't say you wont make mistakes, however, I can say you will never find what you are looking for if you don't give it a chance. It is okay to have and like these traditional knock out of the park type plans. However, sometimes it is best to just take a step back, stop looking a girls as "wife material" and start looking at if you enjoy being around X person. If you do, spend more time, if you don't... well don't. As you spend more time if you actually start to like them and want to get to know them on a deeper level, ask them to a fun date. It will come, it's a natural thing to find a partner, sometimes you just have to swallow your gut and get over the nervousness and put yourself out there. All you have to do is not over think it. Easier said than done. If you lock up like so many guys do, maybe write out a rough draft so you have an idea of what you want to say. If you get to the point where you want to ask a girl out, ask them to go mini golfing, swing dancing, to a park, something fun and just be yourself! This attitude will be your demise. You are good enough for who ever you want to ask and give a shot. Some gorgeous women like guys with glasses, some don't, some like guys with beards, some don't, some like short guys, some don't. You wont know what they like until you try! My last thought is go into with a whole, honest heart. Have fun and be yourself. Quit looking for a life partner and look for someone you just want to spend time with. If they end up being more, great! If not, that is okay too, we all need friends. Good luck my friend. I hope this is helpful.
Ahh you beat me to it all, and worded it more elegantly... Thank you for saying and reinforcing the same thing I was saying!
Thanks you guys, some great tips and advice here. I'll come back to it often when I need help. Thanks.
8 bits, your reaction to my job is common, very common actually, and not just with kids. I have had type 1 diabetes since 7 years old, however, and havw been insulin dependent requiring I use needles all the time. I, therefore, have absolutely no fear of needles. Pray this never happens to you. You will have to start using them all the time!
I'm in the same situation like you. I never dated, never could ask a girl on a date. Before I realized that I'm an addict I thought something wrong with, but now I blame the addiction to PMO. As time passes, I have less the feeling "I will never be good enough for a beautiful woman, and that she deserves better even though..". And I'm sure that this feeling will be gone in a month or two, or even a little more but it will pass. My advice to you is to stay positive and don't give up on getting free of PMO.
Thanks bro! I want a girl in my life so bad it hurts sometimes, and then I think nothing but negative thoughts about myself, like: "I look like a immature baby who is ugly and overweight (Even though I've lost 30 or so pounds, am 5'5"tall, and now weigh 195 lbs), why would any woman who is beautiful want to date me? (I have a baby face, unfortunately.) ...but I'll try to remain positive and listen to your words of advice, thanks!!!
