WTF I'M I doing to myself

I just scrolled ig before I masturbated and I clicked to account that I follow early in my puberty and it disappointed me because I masturbated to her pics all the time. But what saddened me is that I put my attention and time on a girl that I would never meet not on the girl who showed she had felt to me which I was very attracted to and the saddest thing is that I think I would never meet her again that the last time I meet her is when she tried to talk to me. In which I walked away because I walked away. Like, fuck the last time I remember I was 7. A kid who had dreams put wasted his time on meaningless things. I could've had a girlfriend, joined the football team, and worked hard at school to be in a better uni. The only feelings I feel is regret disappointment like why do I this to myself if I know what's right to do what would it make me feel good about myself what is real satisfaction

 

What is even saddest part is that the Ig model looked exactly like the girl who I think she had felt with me

 

true