Depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts

Has sissy porn brainwashed you? I remember when I had a bad breakup, I was traumatised by the break up and I found sissy hypno degrading porn that implanted thoughts like I am apiece of shit and don’t deserve to live the more i watch it etc. Since then I have been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks which I never had before. The hypno stuff is very damaging

 

Why are you still watching porn?

 

I watched porn since 8, now I am 44. It is not easy for me or any of us. But that’s why we are here. I was depressed and anxious to a severe degree also. I have done a 90 day period without PMO, but keep getting pulled back. I know the feelings in your body get so severe that the only solution is porn. But there are other alternatives like exercise and meditation.

 

Even when I am writing this I have urges to start PMO, but I feel like I owe it to you to set a good example, so I am going to resist. I hope you do too.

 

I relapse 4 weeks ago due to edging.. on my second week of nofap.. had major anxiety last night manage to pull through..

 

Any updates?

 

Um, have you tried meds? I mean you can take them until you feel like you can control yourself, as you can't even control for 3 days right?

 

This is how much we have in common:
I also couldn't go more than 2 days without porn, even relapsing more than once a day, I enjoyed nothing in this life except sleeping, it seemed to me like the only peaceful thing on this earth, I also wanted to kill myself not so long ago everyday when I wake up.. I got used to it.. I also have weird sexual attraction and all that nasty stuff that comes because of porn, but you know what? I'm not alone in this, so many have lived far worse lives than me, in cults or as slaves or even worse.. believing this world is a world of suffering when it's really not, it's really good, it's amazing in fact, you will only love this world when you're able to look at it through different eyes or through those who loved themselves.

I'm gonna be honest, your life to me seems normal, really normal in fact, I understand it must be rough for you right now with all those relapses and shit going on, but listen carefully to me; the big issue here seems to be your attitude toward yourself, I noticed this by the way you write, you hardly wrote a good thing about yourself, just how messed you're and what a messed up life you're living, and the real question is, why are you biting your own wound? be easy with yourself.
it's crazy how much we are alike you and I, I also used to be like this, but not so long ago, but I stopped biting my own wounds, because the porn addict choose to change his negative attitude towards life, I only did this and I can't express how much have changed, how much I changed, you can best see this by the way I write my journal, I appreciate myself more with every relapse, yes I have messed up fetishes and all mood swings depressed, anxiety and your big cherry and top of it all of "I wanna die" and also "I'm done with it all", but that doesn't mean I should add more hate to my life or myself in any way, no, I deserve the best, you deserve to have that too.

Nofap is a really wonderful place, please don't leave it so soon.. you're not a failure, because if you were I would also be a failure with you, life is good my brother, I really hope you find your way in it, I'll leave you with the following because it made a difference to my life;

if there's one person that deserves my care love the most, it's me.

 

Ánimo Garou99 Sigue acá que en algún momento verás resultados....
No dejes de escribir...

 

Imagínate que no importa lo antes has vivido, cuando amanece con iniciar un nuevo día ... Algo nuevo puedes cambiar y eso será muy importantes.... El pasado ya fue... La Depresión nos lleva a tratarnos con excesiva dureza... Ánimo

 

If you already have anxiety and depression, porn will increase it a hundred fold - at least in my case. You will only have a chance with the mental issues if you can stay away from the porn. If you've ever had times where you felt you were beating this thing and were on the way up, and porn wasn't on your mind you'll know what I mean. I felt that way last week. If I am in a shame base cycle due to porn I feel like a victim - resentment, anger, depression, anxiety. Also, maybe the worst after effect - knowing that it didn't work again and feeling back to square one, which is really a crappy place to be. We've tried to fool ourselves again because of this addiction and and once again, it kicked us in the butt. It seems to get worse over time if you continue. Beating a dead horse. We are the horse and we are beating ourselves (no pun intended). This is the worst addiction I've ever experienced for low self esteem. Going back to last week, I was in a better state. I make deliveries on my job, and if I am feeling shame, then I'm not fully in the present and the people I deliver to can pick up on that. So in that state I get really no recognition or respect, because truthfully it has nothing to do with them. I've kicked my own ass again. But last week it was those 2 words I came up with because I experienced them. Recognition respect, and you get it because for that time your shame is gone and you are in the present and open, and what you find out is - hey I'm not so bad after all. I want to keep that feeling. When I mentioned in another thread on my last relapse that it lasted only 3 minutes - it's given me days of pain and the same old same old. Isn't it like that - the same old same old, it's like being punished for something we've done. I don't understand it in the least except if I do it, then this is the way I feel. I've tried so hard to rationalize it and even talked myself into trying to believe that it's ok. I may even have good intentions and think it will work - but it never has, how will it now? Hard reality when you're doing all that fantasizing, get triggered, want it badly right now, or have an insatiable physical urge. There is another side, but we've got to get away long enough from this hell and learn from it. Not by doing it any more but finding an end. And then finding another end if we have to, commitment.

 

Your sacrifice will be remembered.

Spoiler

guy is gone quit replying ppl

 

I was feeling suicidal with HOCD in December of last year. I started NoFap in January, and could only get 1-3 day streaks. But between January and March my mental health improved drastically. Just get away from the porn, get your mom to put in blockers on all devices (if she knows about your problems) or put them in yourself. I have a 15 day streak now, which I feel proud of! If you abstain from porn and fetishes you have, I promise you that you will feel better, even good eventually.