10 year's freedom from pmo - my Catholic method

If you are ready to do all possible to fulfill the 3 or 4 day promise ( above all prayer at the time of temptation ) then you can take the next one. But if you don't know if you do this all possible then don't promise or promise only for some hours or even for an hour where you are ready to fight as hard as possible.

You need more to pray, more often to pray because prayer heals the negative emotions, thoughts, desires. The awareness of God heals. He heals and our awareness to His presence is our openess for His grace of healing. We can pray without the awareness of His presence in our mind then we are closed for His healing and this is not prayer but some mindless recitation of words this doesn't work.
The fight doesn't begin with temptation. The fight begins when we start feeling, experiencing fears, stress, negative thoughts and memories, anger, depressive thoughts etc. If we stay passive and allow these negativity conquer our mind then it's only a question of time when temptations come offering us the medicine for our miseries - pmo. Either pmo medicine or prayer medicine - no other possibility. If we don't choose prayer then the other medicine will ' heal' our stress.

 

Yes, when I write about prayer I don't mean only prayer of petition. I mean rather to be in the presence of God - some people can be in His presence even without saying anything - for example during the adoration of the Holy Sacrament. It's like lying in the sun. You lie and say nothing but the light and warmth of the Sun warms you and your skin turns brown. This warming and turning brown is an analogy for inner healing which we get when being in the presence of God. Or it's very cold outside (winter) you near a campfire and the longer and nearer of it you remain the warmer you are and you won't catch cold or sore throat. The campfire is God and you don't need to say to the campfire anything to experience its warmth and influence. This is what I mean by the term prayer.
Any time in the presence of God is prayer - if you ask, thank Him, praise Him, ask for advice or say nothing. The real problem is that it's possible to say something to God but at the same time not to be aware of His presence - it's like saying something to a wall. This is not prayer but reciting some text, this is a talk to the air or to oneself. Such a talk to oneself doesn't work. it's only a meeting with oneself, with one's own thoughts, psyche, memories ... so we can 'pray' but not pray in reality. It's like we can be unbelievers, even atheists who pray , go to church, celebrate Christmas... we can do some rituals and recite holy words like ''Our Father...''

 

What is the most common mistake in 'my method' if somebody tries to do it?

It's our thinking how prayer works.
I remember many days when a whole day I often prayed , was in mass, read the Bible ... and in the evening I .... fell. I had thought - Did these all work? Has church got some means to get rid of addictions or only specialists - often secular ones (therapists, psychologists etc. ) have solutions. If yes, then it would be sad because we can read in the Scriptures - 'For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.'
I had thought: If I can't get rid of pmo using means which church gives then what with the promise above?
I chose the option that I must have done something wrong using the church means so that they hadn't worked good enough. I started reading about grace, especially actual grace and there I found what I had been doing wrong for years.

My mistake was ( and I think this is a mistake which many do) that I had thought that after mass, long prayer, adoration I was protected by God , His grace so much that I could be free from urges or that I had enough inner power to resist pmo inclinations / temptations.

All these occurred wishful thinking. I read from many sources that God's grace - actual grace is only a temporary one - so God works, gives grace for short time, I mostly experienced that this short time is only the time I pray and maybe some minutes after prayer. Then after some minutes after I stopped to pray or the mass finished or adoration - the healing working of being together with God stops too.
It's another time which demands another, next struggling for getting another , next actual grace.

It's like being exposed to the Sun - you get tanned as long as you are exposed to the Sun but the moment you go to a shadowy place your getting tanned process stops. I distinctly experienced many times that it's the same with God's actual grace. God works in NOW. And we pray, are in mass or adoration only in NOW time. We cannot pray in future time or experience a mass or adoration in future we only can pray, be in mass, adoration NOW. But we expect the results of it not only NOW but in future too what is a misconception.

My mistake was to expect that I can accumulate some God's grace (protecting me from pmo) NOW in prayer, in mass or adoration and that this grace will be protecting me as if I had a battery inside of me. I imagined that I had a battery inside which had been charged during prayer and this charge could give me mystical power to resist pmo for some time in the next future. The same as in case of real batteries like for example a smart phone / cell phone battery does and that I could use my phone for many hours without a pause or at least for one or two days (when lower use intensity) after last charging.
But it's not true. This analogy doesn't work altogether.

What works is another analogy - the battery in a car. This battery is continuously charged when your car moves but what happens if the device which charges the car stops working properly or breaks?
Your car moves but the car's battery doesn't charge enough or doesn't charge altogether. What happens next? Car users know it well - after some short time you start getting some problems with starting the car, then it comes VERY SOON the time when you try to start the car but you can't. It's over. Until you get your car repaired in a garage you won't travel by it.

The same with prayer time. It's not that prayer, mass or adoration which you had a half of hour ago can protect you now. Now is another time which demands another prayer. Stopping to pray at a new temptation and thinking - 'I prayed, was in mass half an hour ago - this must be enough ' is the biggest mistake you can do. You disabled the mechanism to charge your battery when you didn't decide to pray again when a following temptation had occurred.

 

A very important component of 'my method' are time limited promises to God that I won't do pmo and pray at each time of temptation for a definite time period (which is prolonged after completing the last promise (vow).

The promises in fighting addictions are rather unusual in Catholic circles and I knew that I do something less or more unusual although it can be traced in Catholic tradition of making vows but the whole 'system' had to be completed together by myself.

But yesterday !!!
It occured that a very similar promise method to fight especially alcoholism has existed in Russian Orthodox Church for over 100 years. I'm very happy that I'm not alone because I distinctly feel that the promise method is necessary if we want to remain pmo free for many years, decades and especially when we want to remain pmo-free for life.

Below some excerpts from a Russian Orthodox site translated automatically by google.

The Russian term for 'vow of sobriety' is ' обет трезвости ' and anybody who wants to read more about this Russian Orthodox approach can search the Russian term in goole and then translate the textes by google translate.
Of course in place of alcohol we can insert - pmo or any other addiction or bad habit.

Источник: https://omolitvah.ru/eto-interesno/kak-dat-obet-trezvosti-bogu

'' .....
The Church compares the vow of sobriety to refusing to use, for example, poisonous substances. A person would not even think of taking them in his mouth. After making a promise, alcohol becomes a similar poison. A believer is even afraid to think that he is allowed to drink.....
Advice! Before accepting it, you should regularly visit the temple for a long time, pray, confess, receive communion and observe all the fasts....
Contacting medical and psychological institutions is not at all a refusal or doubt in God's help. These actions will just lead to the path on which the Lord directs a person to get rid of an addiction. Therefore, it is necessary to follow all the advice of a specialist strictly. If they are violated, the patient ruins not only his own health, but also commits a grave sin, breaking the vow of sobriety.
.....
The vow of sobriety is usually given at the onset of religious holidays or when there is a fear that a fatal habit can completely consume the sinner.
..... Subsequently, a person, based on his promise to the Lord, will finally cease to be interested in dubious gatherings or friendly companies that push him on the path of sin.
.....Don't immediately take on too heavy a load. Better to try to act in stages.

1. First, you should endure the refusal of alcohol for a short time.
2. Then you need to fully realize your life without the influence of an addiction.
3. It is necessary in prayers to thank the Lord for his support.
4. Then you need to make a new, stricter and more lasting commitment.
............Note! Theoretically, the vow of sobriety can be made at home, but then a person will need all the willpower to fulfill it. In addition, a promise made without going through repentance and confession will not be sealed by the church sacrament.
..........A vow is a humble request to the Lord for help. In this case, the believer admits that he can do little on his own. Therefore, he asks for strength to fulfill his plans.
......... To comply with all the requirements of the Church, it is necessary to take a vow of sobriety after a specially ordered prayer service. They accept him before the Cross and the Gospel, an icon or before holy relics. It is imperative to pronounce it publicly in front of the priest and parishioners.
......... Then, at the end of the prayer service, a vow letter and an icon are issued, in front of which a vow of sobriety was given. They need to be placed at home in a conspicuous place. The person who made a vow, along with the letter, also keeps the prayer promise, which he reads with morning and evening prayers. Thus, he reminds himself that he gave his word to God.
...............

Sobriety Vow Prayer:

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God! I, Your unworthy servant (name), knowing all the perniciousness of the passions that overwhelm me, and the sins that come from them, before the purest image of Our Lady of the Theotokos, I express my firm intention and give a strong promise not to drink wine or anything intoxicated, and also not to tempt me to that others for a period from this day and (indicate the period).

O Most Merciful and All-Merciful Jesus Christ! Bless my good intention and help me, your weak and weak servant, by the power of the honest and life-giving Cross, the prayers of our All-Pure Lady Theotokos and all Thy saints, make it safely to Thy glory and to the salvation of my soul! Amen.

 

Holy Communion and spiritual communion in the fight against pmo, other addictions, weaknesses etc.

I found this below at some Catholic sites and compiled it. I' m sure that must work. Look especially at the effects which we get during the sacramental and spiritual communions. Look at points - 3,4,5, 7, 8, 11, 12, 13, 14 - and what? All the effects of both the communions fight pmo directly. I think personally that no therapy would be needed if we did all possible to experience good communion. If this hadn't happened then we lack something in good experiencing.


'' Some, even if they have received sacramental communion on that day, receive the communion of desire (spiritual communion) whenever they enter church, even for a short time, for adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. There are those who are in the habit of receiving the communion of desire every day during morning or evening prayer, and usually these are the same ones who receive the sacrament of Holy Communion often, even daily.

The effects of spiritual communion are of the same nature as sacramental (Eucharistic) communion. It seems that the effects of spiritual and sacramental communion should not be separated too much. For the spiritual communion strives for the sacramental. The sacramental Communion is prolonged in the spiritual, as if the sacramental required it. The dispute about "more" or about "greater grace" in spiritual or sacramental communion is not resolved by increasing the frequency of sacramental Communion, but is based on the intensity of preparation for it.


The effectiveness and fruitfulness of sacramental (Eucharistic) and spiritual communion:


1. Holy Communion (and spiritual one): keeps us sanctifying.

2. strengthens sanctifying grace.

3. reduces our evil inclinations and temptations. A remedy against evil tendencies.

4. is the most powerful means to overcome impure temptations.

5. is the most powerful means of maintaining chastity.

6. gives courage to do good.

7. gives zeal to do good.

8. gives strength to do good.

9. John Chrysostom: leaving the table of the Lord, we become terrifying even to the devils.

10. cleanses us from venial sins.

11. preserves from mortal sins.

12. frequent communion makes us perfect.

13. works to keep us from getting weak.

14. works to make us strong.

15. multiplies the grace of love.

16. multiplies the grace of unity.

17. is the pledge of our glorious resurrection.

 

Keli, it's not possible. Temptations are beyond our will. We can only learn what to do when they occur. And when they occur we have only one means - immediate prayer which must be repeated as often as the temptations come back. Until God in us wins. Without God ( prayer ) during temptations we are doomed to fall sooner or later

 

God makes something difficult easy. For us the fight against pmo or another weaknesses is futile fruitless and hopeless but for God it's easy. As long as the man doesn't pray he has only his own human power. This human power is almost nothing. It"s like an ant trying to fight against an elephant. It"s mostly not difficult to fight pmo when we are in prayer. It's =hopeless when we choose not to pray in temptation.

 

You see - this was your mistake. So - the homework for you - try and try and try... to be constante in prayer. The day you are constante to the end of temptation will be your first victory. You can do it the next morning or .... now

 

It will change. I had been tired with my life too. It's the past. But you must use the key to your new life. Your key is to be constante in prayer. Constante ...here is your solution.

 

There are lots of believers who are not able to get rid of pmo addiction using means of Catholic Church. They can think that the means are not enough, that they need something additional - like therapies, 12 step groups, some anti pmo forums etc. but they often don't realize that they do something wrong in applying Catholic means - that the fault is theirs.

Below I'll show traditional Catholic teaching coming from 2 treatises on grace and Sacraments. I read some parts of this material (plus many other sources of traditional old Catholic teaching) 10 years ago, took notes and then I implemented them and now I am free. This teaching can show you where the mistake often is. The mistake making your struggles futile or fruitless.

So read, take conclusions and comment if you agree or disagree. There are my comments (written in italic) to the original sentences.

The statements come from two old volumes (having imprimatur):

1. ''The Sacraments explained according to the teaching and doctrine of the Catholic Church : with an introductory treatise on grace''
by Devine, Arthur, 1849-1919

https://archive.org/details/5thsacramentsexp00deviuoft/page/n5/mode/1up

2. ''Handbook of the Christian religion for the use of advanced students and the educated laity''
by Wilmers, Wilhelm, 1817-1901

https://archive.org/details/HandbookOfTheChristianReligion/page/n5/mode/2up


So, I'll be trying to show that two common causes of ''not working'' Catholic means are:

1. Lack of long enough prayer at each pmo temptation
2. Lack of / or not enough contrition or purpose of amendment in confession ( I mean not avoiding occasions of pmo sins)



God does not refuse His grace to those who do what lies in their power - it must be understood to mean, that God does not refuse further graces to those who, to the best of their ability, co-operate with the graces given them.
What lies in our power is to start praying in temptation – this is cooperation with the God’s grace. We open ourselves to God’s grace to endure temptation. If we don’t start praying we form an obstacle to grace, we aren’t opened to His grace and we fall as a rule.

Man left to himself will, at some moment transgress the moral law, because of the difficulties connected with its observance.
Man left to himself is when he doesn’t pray in temptation.
will, at some moment transgress the moral law – will give up to pmo.

it was not impossible for man to observe the law because God was ready to supply by His assistance what was lacking
it was not impossible for man to observe the law
it was not impossible for man not to give up to pmo temptation

Without the aid of grace man is unable from a morally good motive to overcome strong temptations.
Without the aid of grace (and we get this aid when we are praying) man is unable from a morally good motive (for example our knowledge and experience that pmo is damaging, bad) to overcome strong pmo temptations.

The holy fathers are accustomed to deduce necessity of grace from Christ's precept to watch and pray, that we may not enter into temptation
Christ's precept to watch and pray, that we may not enter into temptation (these are Christ’s words.
necessity of grace = necessity of prayer at the time of temptation

man can of his own strength fulfil the easier moral duties, so he can of himself overcome the lesser temptations
man can of his own strength (without prayer) overcome the lesser pmo temptations. So, without prayer he gives up to stronger pmo temptations sooner or later. As a rule – sooner rather.

The assistance of grace is necessary also for the just to observe the moral law and overcome grievous temptations
The assistance of grace (which is given during prayer) is necessary (so prayer in pmo temptation is necessary) also for the just (for people who are in the state of sanctifying grace) to observe the moral law (not doing sexual sins is moral law for sure) and overcome grievous temptations.

Many wonder why God doesn’t work after confession, when they are in sanctifying grace. They think God will protect them automatically but it’s an illusion. God wants us to pray in temptation – look at Jesus’s words above. The people think that Catholic religion doesn’t work and go to therapists paying thousands of dollars if they are able to.

The just man needs the help of grace for the performance of supernatural works
“Without Me you can do nothing"
The just man (after confession, in the state of grace) needs the help of grace (actual grace which is given in prayer mostly) for the performance of supernatural works (supernatural works are avoiding of pmo sins too)
“Without Me you can do nothing" (so if we don’t pray in temptation we do as if we can resist strong temptations without Jesus – using only our will power wisdom that pmo is damaging but if it is true then what are you doing on this forum?)

therefore actual grace is necessary also for the just
therefore actual grace (given during prayer or Sacraments) is necessary also for the just (in sanctifying grace)

Though the just man possesses in sanctifying grace the power to perform supernaturally good works, yet this power must be aroused and strengthened (physically or mentally) and this is done by means of actual grace.
the just man possesses in sanctifying grace the power to perform supernaturally good works (the power not to pmo), yet this power must be aroused and strengthened (so without prayer the power is not strong enough – it’s only the power to pray mostly) and this is done by means of actual grace (so by means of prayer).

The just need actual grace to enable them to observe the entire moral law, and to overcome strong temptations
The just need actual grace (need to pray) to enable them to observe the entire moral law (so without prayer they are not able to overcome strong pmo temptations) , and to overcome strong temptations

He who is in the state of grace is still weak, for sanctifying grace does not remove the difficulties arising from our depraved nature.
He who is in the state of grace is still weak, for sanctifying grace (sanctifying grace is not the same as actual grace and actual grace is given in prayer, sanctifying grace we have permanent until grave sin – so even if we don’t pray) does not remove the difficulties arising from our depraved nature.

Even the just man needs a special grace to persevere in good to the end
Even the just man needs a special grace (additional actual grace given in prayer) to persevere in good (not to give up to pmo) to the end

The Second Council of Orange teaches against the Semi-Pelagians, who attributed perseverance to man's free will, that "the regenerate and holy must also beg earnestly for the help of God in order to be able to attain to a happy end or persevere in good’’
regenerate and holy - people in sanctifying grace.
beg earnestly for the help of God = pray in temptation

The Council of Trent condemns the assertion that the just man can without a special assistance of God persevere in justice.
without a special assistance of God = given in prayer
justice = for example justice is not doing pmo

God gives sufficient grace to all the just to fulfil their duties and to overcome temptations.

"The eyes of the Lord are upon the just, and His ears unto their prayers’’
God gives sufficient grace to all the just to fulfil their duties and to overcome temptations.
"… their prayers’’ (this is the context – if we pray in temptation

This care of God for the just entitles us to conclude that He will give them all graces requisite for their salvation, at least if they ask for them.
all graces requisite for their salvation (salvation from pmo is a type of salvation too)
if they ask for them.= (prayer)

‘’God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able, but will make also with temptation issue, that you may be able to bear it "

God, therefore, being faithful, gives to the just grace either immediately sufficient for the fulfilment of all their duties and for the victory over all their temptations, or at least mediately sufficient, i.e., the grace of prayer, by means of which they may obtain further graces
or at least mediately sufficient, i.e., the grace of prayer (so God gives us sometimes only the grace to pray so that we can pray and as a result we get the further grace not to give up to pmo. If we don’t cooperate with this first God’s grace of prayer and if we don’t start praying then we won’t get the further grace of not giving up to pmo) ), by means of which they may obtain further graces

The Council of Trent condemns the reformers who asserted that "it is impossible even for the just and those living in the state of grace to keep all of God's commandments.’’
those living in the state of grace to keep all of God's commandments.’’ (so it is sure that we can be free of pmo provided we are in the state of sanctifying grace and pray in temptation if we state that it’s sometimes impossible then we are condemned by The Council of Trent

man may resist grace and withhold his co-operation - there is, consequently, grace which is barely sufficient, but inefficacious through our own fault.
man may resist grace (when he doesn’t pray in temptation) and withhold his co-operation (to pray is to cooperate with God) - there is, consequently, grace which is barely sufficient, but inefficacious through our own fault. (so it’s our fault if we don’t pray in temptation and we make God’s grace inefficacious by our lack of cooperation. Many say God’s help is inefficacious but have they tried enough to pray any time if they feel temptation and as long as the temptation lasts?)

If sufficient grace is given, at least to all the just, to keep the commandments and to overcome temptations, and if even the just yield to temptation and relapse into sin, — it is manifest that there are graces which are sufficient, but ineffectual through man's own fault.
there are graces which are sufficient (the grace to pray in temptation), but ineffectual through man's own fault.(when we decide not to pray in temptation)

St. Augustine in harmony with the Church teaches that it depends on man's free will to consent to asking for grace, or to withhold his consent and make it ineffectual.
to consent to asking for grace (to start to pray for grace)
withhold his consent and make it ineffectual. (withhold his consent to pray in temptation and make the sufficient grace ineffectual.)

man can by the action of his free will co-operate with graces or resist them.
man can by the action of his free will co-operate with graces (when he prays in temptation) or resist them.(if we resist praying thinking that it’s futile or not working)

We call those graces strictly efficacious with which man freely co-operates, which have the effect intended by God.
So we make God’s grace efficacious if we cooperate = pray.


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Below there are some statements which show that we form an obstacle to God’s grace not to pmo if our purpose of amendment is not real and if we have no true contrition in the Sacrament of penance.
There are no my comments below.

confession

The firm purpose of amendment is the resolution to avoid, by the grace of God, not only sin, but also the dangerous occasions of sin.

a simple desire is not enough, namely, to say – ‘’If there were no temptations in my way I would wish to avoid sin.’’ – it is not enough.

The resolution is an act of the will by which I say, I wish to amend my life, or I wish in future to abstain from sin and avoid its occasion.

The purpose of amendment, to be real, should have three qualities - it should be firm, universal and efficacious.

firm - the penitent should be so disposed that for nothing in the world would he fall into sin again, no matter what may be the consequence ; that for no earthly advantage or no earthly calamity or suffering will he yield to sin. Without this disposition there is no true contrition, for conversion requires the absolute destruction of the will to sin in all possible cases and circumstances.

The purpose of amendment should be efficacious - the penitent should resolve to avoid not only sin, but to take all the means and precautions (measures taken in advance to prevent something dangerous) necessary for avoiding sin ; and try to overcome the evil habits of sin, to fly from all proximate (closest) occasions of sin.

the avoiding of places, persons, and things that have been the occasion of sin, or that expose one to the danger of sinning — these are the signs of a true resolution not to fall again into sin.

repeated relapses and negligence in adopting the means to avoid sin can well be regarded a lack or defect in the resolution or firm purpose of amendment.

Our first duty in order to obtain true sorrow for sin is to pray earnestly that God may grant it to us

contrition is a gift of God, we should never fail to ask it earnestly of Him ; to ask it through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin.

Those who are unwilling to renounce or give up a proximate occasion of sin.

The occasions of sin may be either remote or proximate. Remote is that in which a person rarely falls ; the proximate is that in which a person frequently falls into sin.

there is no obligation of avoiding the remote occasion of sin.

The proximate occasion is that which of itself leads to mortal sin and frequently, if you are frequently in the occasion. It is any external thing or circumstance, of place, person, act or employment, which leads a person into sin.

It has two characteristics :

(1) the likelihood of one failing into mortal sin on account of the close connection between the occasion and the sin, so that there is a moral danger of a fall.

(2) the frequency of the falls - that this particular man in this or that particular occasion frequently sins.

for example, going into a public-house would be a proximate occasion of sin to a drunkard.

the occasion may be either voluntary or involuntary. Voluntary, or free, is that which can easily be given up completely.

involuntary, or necessary, is that which it is either morally or physically impossible to given up completely.

A proximate occasion of sin may be avoided in a twofold way : physically and morally. Physically, when the person or place is absolutely shunned, and that given up which was the occasion of sin.

Morally, the proximate occasion may be given up completely when the person or place is not absolutely abandoned, but when proper means are taken to remove the moral danger of sin which is connected with it, or when the proximate occasion becomes remote.

Those who find themselves in the proximate occasion of sin, and are unwilling to renounce or avoid the occasion, are not disposed to receive absolution, because they have still the will to sin and lack the resolution of amendment.

Penitents ought not to deceive themselves by promising amendment, without the will to give up the occasion, and when it is a voluntary and continuous occasion, let it be abandoned and renounced even before absolution.

after two or three times the penitent can know by experience that his promises to avoid the occasions were weak and futile, and he did not keep them.