21+ Days - Life forever changed

Yes. I totally agree with pretty much all you are saying. That is exactly why I stopped the ultimatum mindset. I do struggle with how to approach the situation sometimes, as in I don't want to be a doormat, but at the same time don't want to be too naggy or treat him like a child. Honestly, I think he has not hit bottom as of yet, and that's why he hasn't gotten really serious about changing. I don't know what it will take, so I'm just trying to work on me for now, and give him whatever support/encouragement I can offer. It's a struggle, but I learn all the time. Being on here seems to be helping a lot. I like to see all the different perspectives and helpful ideas.

 

Great question,

I wouldn't give a direct ultimatum (ie: fap 1 more time & I'm out of your life forever). However I would make it clear that he cannot continue in his ways while you continue to remain unsatisfied. I would make sure he knows he can't continue to not improve. However let's say he makes 90 days & then relapses once, you don't want him to feel he can't come to you & tell you that? Tell him he needs to continually make progress in order for it to work.

 

I totally want him to be able to come talk to me about it. That's why I don't have an ultimatum or totally freak out on him. However, I can't help but get upset. How upset depends on the situation. I'm terrified we will be 50 or 60 or 70 and still be in the same cycle we are in today...and I don't want that. I don't want to have this crap hanging over us for the rest of our lives. We have got to stop doing the same thing over and over and find an actual solution. A common ground. Something that makes this a team effort. I can work on my own problems for now and keep encouraging him, but at some point, he's got to do more than apologize and go back to it the next day...that's why I'm on here. I'd really like to avoid a divorce. I just don't know if I can do this for the rest of my life without him doing more than talking about changing and never actually doing it.

 

Great job dude!
Just keep the guards up. 30 days is awesome, but it's not a very long time. You will for sure go through rough spots many more times, the struggle is far from over.
God bless you man.

 

If he does continue to make progress, you will not have to keep dealing with this, it's not like people who work on this & are committed never get better. First the PIED will go away, he'll probably then have delayed ejaculation (which will probably actually be good for you), then he'll be normal again. Just give a light ultimatum. If he doesn't improve over the next 18 months, you're out. For extreme cases it could take that long, but most likely won't take anywhere near that length of time.

 

I'm at Day 21 today. I also see similar effects. NoFap is awesome, best thing that I ever tried to accompish.

 

Day 21! wohoooo! this is awesome and keep fighting the good fight guys

 

Thanks for the inspiring story. I read that "controversial" post of yours, and it does have truth to it, that quitting PMO means that you give it up watching porn and jerking off completely, no exceptions. It isn't just abstinence from porn, it is a voluntary life changing process of removing porn's influence completely.

I've have some missteps in my own reboot, but now I'm committed to making a complete change and living a fulfilling porn free, masturbation free life. I wish you success in your journey, brother,