It works, it really works. Second 90 day streak

This comes from the bottom of my heart. I feel it might help you.

37/m

P = Porn M = Masterbation / Masterbated O = Orgasm / Orgasmed

This is my second 90-day streak. The first one went well but I didn’t document anything. This time around I took the opportunity to write some things down.

Thoughts and feelings are first followed by a daily journal.

The journal isn’t written very coherently, it is just my thoughts throughout the day. This will give you an idea of the ups and downs along the way and how tricky this was for me.


My Thoughts Overall

For me, NoFap works. It is one of the best things I have ever done.

When I backed away from the over-sexualized world and stopped using PMO as a crutch, I found out who I really am. I have had so many insights about who I am and how the world works in the last 6 months that I can’t quite believe it. Most of the other benefits are true for me too. More energy, more creativity, clearer mind, more muscle, need less sleep, my eyesight seems much better and visual perception is greatly improved, women staring etc… These things are becoming normal and starting to feel less like benefits and more like life. If I can do this, anyone can. You can. If you want.

I don't feel perfect freedom yet but I have before and I will again. I feel I am working more on the real problems now that PMO blocked out. I'm not sure if I have completely rebooted, but I am very proud of where I am now. I definitely don't think P has a hold over me anymore. I have watched it twice in 9 months and I didn't enjoy it. I have M 4 times in those 9 months. I do feel very horny from time to time which is very normal. I want to use this horny energy in my active life creatively. I still feel I have the benefits of NoFap even though I PMOed the other night (day 95). I still have a loving feeling in my heart.

An amazing journey. For me, the Truth is that the benefits associated with NoFap have always been there but when I deaden real life with emotional crutches like P I can’t feel them. The True Self is always there waiting for you.

I do feel I am/was going through these problems for a reason. (All problems, not just PMO) The benefits are probably enhanced because of the hard times. That is just how I feel. In other words, the benefits come from the True Self without being dragged down by safety mechanisms of survival - but - the hard times, partially due to the safety mechanisms, force you to realise that you are your True Self. And you will have learned a lot along the way. Hopefully healthy coping strategies involving True Love. Being Kind to yourself, lovely people around you, Love for what you do in work and play, plenty of rest and fun. Bring Joy into the world, Don't extract Joy from the world. Be joy.



How It Started for Me

I started this NoFap journey before I even heard of NoFap. About 10 years ago I PMOed every day. I realised this was bad and stopped. I still PMOed but nowhere near as much. I went through spells of giving up all the way through those 10 years. Weeks and months at a time. I didn’t see it as a problem as I could stop. It wasn’t really a problem back then. It seemed natural and fun. I then turned to PMO when bad times hit. This was a bad idea. It became a crutch. A safety mechanism and it had a hold on me. Kind of like joining the mafia. An extreme example but that's what it feels like.



Porn and Addiction

Porn is extremely bad for me. And porn as an addiction is obviously much worse. I feel all addiction comes from the egos need to control so that it knows it's safe. The ego only worries about survival so feeling terrible about myself doesn't matter to the ego as long as it is in control. The ego is a trickster and it will never give up…. Until it does. I have to assume that it will always try a trick until one day I realise it's gone…. And then it will trick me again. The ego is probably trying to block this info from you right now because I am specifically mentioning it. The thing is not to give out to yourself after if it tricks you. That is what the ego wants. Then it's back in control and you feel bad and then you PMO to feel better… and the beat goes on. It just wants to stay in control. The idea is that you have to show it that you can get on without the ego and its addictions.



Semen Retention

Semen retention is brilliant for me. I feel that this helps with everything. It fills me with creative energy and helps me on my spiritual journey. I do feel extra power due to semen retention.

I don't feel that I never have to MO again, maybe there will be some who might have to give up forever but to be honest the longer I stay away from it the more it just seems silly. P is a no go for me even though I slipped up once or twice. That is very easily done, no need for giving out to myself. Just don't let it be a binge. If I feel extremely horny and I don't have a partner then M is fine if you ask me but it has to be honest to goodness horniness that would be better off being released. Having said that for me, that should be 2 - 5 times a year. Again, no binges and waiting for a set time for another session. e.g. every 2 weeks I'll M. I do feel 90 days is a great starting point with the overall intention to give up completely.



Safety Mechanisms and Habits

The problem lies when it is used as a safety mechanism and or as a habit. I feel bad… I'll PMO. I feel tense… I'll PMO. I feel angry, scared, stressed, etc. Once it becomes a crutch I’m in trouble. But trouble you CAN get out of. No situation is too bad to get sorted. That is one big thing I have learned. All this is happening for a reason and it has to do with letting go of safety mechanisms. I build my own safety mechanisms to survive in the world and learn what this is all about, just to bash them down. Most of the world is NOT doing this. The world would change in an instant if everyone started slowly but surely learning from experience and letting go of their safety mechanisms. At least you know one of your major safety mechanisms (PMO).

Once I overcome major safety mechanisms other smaller ones can fall away at the same time or are easily sorted compared to PMO. I don't need the safety mechanisms. I have this. You have this and If you want to let go of PMO, you will. It might just take a bit of time. It is well worth the effort. You have to accept changing habits will take time.



Letting go

The will to let go of the safety mechanisms, forgiving myself when the mechanisms take hold, perseverance to keep going and a willingness to ask for help are vital in these things. In other words:

• Recognising that I have been using safety mechanisms (i.e. PMO) to get by in life
  
  
• Recognise that the safety mechanisms (i.e. PMO) do not help me live a full life, The life I fully deserve
  
  
• Have the “want” or “will” to let go of the safety mechanisms (i.e. PMO)
  
  
• Slowly but surely begin to let them go (i.e. practising NoFap)
  
  
• Do not beat myself up when I let the addiction in, That is what the addiction wants, It wants me to feel bad about myself so I keep the addiction going and feel better (this “feeling better” is a temporary 5-second relief not long term happiness that slowly takes your life away)
  
  
• When I fall, get back up. I need to have genuine will here. Do not get into a cycle of falling on purpose
  
  
• Have the perseverance to keep going, no matter what
  
  
• Ask for help with all with of this
  
  
• The addiction will trick me into not asking for help by making me feel shame. You could maybe start by telling a trusted friend or boyfriend/girlfriend or communicate on NoFap websites in a safe manner.
  
  
• Love heals all of this, asking for help is showing yourself Love. Showing yourself that you know you need help and you cannot do it on your own. You can do nothing on your own if you really think about it. That’s how the addiction wins, It isolates you or brings you to bad intentioned people. Asking for help for the issue that made you PMO in the first place is a great start. If you know what this is.

Ultimately it is all about: Feeling, Experiencing, Learning and Letting Go.

I used NoFap websites and went to an Alanon Support Group. (I grew up in a family full of addiction). I also went to counselling for this. The real reason I needed a crutch was the family issues, they were the real emotional and mental issues I needed to work through. These are the things I have to feel and let go.



The Real Me is Starting to Stand Up

When I let go of all my safety mechanisms the Real Me is left. The True Self. Feeling my True Self is amazing! I have felt it on a few occasions. No future worries, no past worries, and what others think doesn't even cross my mind.

I don't feel that way at the moment but I am working through a major life issue at the minute. It's quite painful but I feel stronger every day.



Boredom

Boredom is both a great sign for me and something that will try to get me to do something I don't want to do. Boredom comes from the ego. So if I feel bored that's the ego saying, you’re not doing anything. I can't control you when you are not doing anything. The ego doesn't understand just being. Being relaxed, enjoying life. It needs to extract excitement from the world. So if you feel bored, see it as a good thing and do something you love, or pick a new hobby, or exercise, or anything that will bring out the joy you have inside.



My Preference

My personal preference would be to give up M without making it a "thing" to give up. I am really giving up the habitual use of PMO to help me get through hard times. I used to drink a can of coke a day but gave up because I know it is very bad for me. Now, I drink about 4 or 5 cans of coke a year, if even. I feel I am going the same way with MO. P of all kinds including Instagram model pictures are gone for me. Just not worth it. I prefer real-life experiences and I do get a sense of shame from indulging in that sort of thing. I want to let go of my shame and P does not help with me that. I won't have that as a pastime in my life.



What helps me

Not watching TV. I haven't watched much TV but I will be giving that up all together. I will just watch sports and walk away or switch off for the ads. When I say TV, I mean sitting in front of the TV flicking channels. I will still pick out things I would like to see. I do prefer movies over series shows anyway.

Cold showers really helped me. It spreads the energy around the body. I'm not an expert on that. That's just how it feels to me. It's like a little reset. I do it by turn the shower to cold for the last 10 - 30 seconds depending on how I am feeling.

Meditation helped me but I meditate anyway. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not so much.

Replacing PMO with hobbies is a great idea. To me, the creative energy of sex is used up in porn needlessly. That energy can be used in creating a happy life full of things you enjoy. Try to do something you love and try to be around loving people. It is all about Love.



Final Thoughts

I would recommend NoFap to anyone. It's amazing how it works. Just to touch on some of the benefits as they come to mind: I do notice girls looking at me differently. It's more of a stare like they can't stop looking. I have way more energy. I need less sleep. I'm eating way healthier. My posture seems better. My sense of distance perspective is way better and my eyesight, in general, seems sharper. I never had PIED but my flacid penis is much fuller now. I'm dealing with the real issues of my life because PMO is not blocking them off anymore. I know spirituality isn't for everyone but I have had some amazing spiritual insights. I am on a spiritual journey that I don't want to stop. But It's what I have always wanted and I can't believe it is actually happening.

I don't think I am fully "cured" or rebooted but I am one step closer and feel I am very close. The real issues in my life including family stuff are biting hard but it is all good. I am going to a counsellor and I feel like this stuff is really leaving me. I had to feel the feelings and let them go but in the past I M when I felt anxious causing me to be more anxious. I want out of that cycle and I do feel I am out of that habit now. I slipped up a few days ago but that’s okay, I was bored and I know what leads to. I wasn’t bored, the ego was. Lesson learned. It is all about learning lessons.



You Can Do This, It Is Your Destiny

There is a greater version of yourself waiting for you to realize who you really are. All the crutches and safety mechanisms of the ego are blocking that realisation. Not only is PMO a crutch/habit/addiction, you are also giving away a lot of power by spilling your creative power on the bedsheets. You have the power within to become anything you really want. You just need patience, perseverance and some help along the way. Your real life is waiting for you. You just have to do your bit to get there.

Thank you for reading.

You got this



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Journal

Day Minus One: I Just M. I can see how this has taken over. It is always in my mind unless I M, then I get a couple of days rest from it.

Day 1 - 30: Determination to not PMO. Coming from the consciousness. The number one priority was to make it to 90 days with the intention to never use P again and probably never M again. Very difficult to sleep. Reading books: Transcending the Levels of Consciousness by Dr David Hawkins and A Course in Miracles. Woke up one morning noticing my mind showing me flashing images, not sure exactly what the images were but It felt like someone trying to brainwash me.

I can see how my mind was/is constantly trying to make me worry about what others think and my reaction to that. Days 1 - 30 were much the same, varying levels of urges, feeling very determined not to PMO and succeeding. Growing in confidence.

Day 16 stood out a little:

No urges

Slight dead feeling in the lower region

Tiny bit depressed

But a good feeling in my heart

Finding it very difficult to sleep

Day 31: The Idea of PMOing seems silly

Day 31-47: Nothing major, Olympics was on so just used that to pass the time while giving up an addiction. It's tough at times. My brain wants me to do it but I won't. My Higher Self is in control.

Day 48: Unbelievable urges even though I know for sure I wouldn't go near PMO. Like my whole body is burning up. Difficult to explain. A lot of energy. Hard to sleep. Hard to concentrate. Felt like crying but couldn't. Ego trying to give out to itself. Incredible urges.

There is a lot of addiction in my family. Going to Alanon is really helping.

Day 49: Starting to enjoy the small things. Making pancakes again. Loving the rain I feel like I am back to who I really am. Urges are still there. I feel more awake with a lot more energy. huge urges!! Feeling like losing my mind. Want to do something but I just can't and the urges are beyond urges. It's like I'm burning off energy just by not PMOing.

Day 50: Started to forget the progress I made, It was as if I was blocking it out. The ego was doing it. Sexual dream overnight and lots of small urges today. Never really close to PMOing but slightly tempting. It's like the ego comes in at night and takes over. Lots of urges and when there are no urges, my mind is all over the place. Difficult to get anything done. Huge urges again. Really want to M but still seems silly.

Very slowly starting to get back to being creative. Kundalini experience happened over night.

Day 51: Absolutely exhausted. Lots of very strong urges. I am meditating. A 10 seconds cold burst at the end of the shower realy helped. Strongest urges yet! Nearly PMOed but know that it is not worth it!! Most intense urges so far. Like my body is burning up if I don't do it. Very agitated. Don't know what to do with myself, type of feeling.

Day 52: Woke at 3am sweating a lot while asleep. Exhausted but feel fresh. Quite weird. Fell back to sleep woke with morning wood. Suffering a little hoping it dissipates soon. I feel so tired.

Day 53: I am so tired. Can barely do a thing. I am reading and that is it. It is a very spiritual journey for me. My mind is trying to get me down. I know it is the ego. Feeling agitated, then calm then agitated again. Some light urges, fantasizing about porn I have seen.

Day 54: Giving out to myself for relying on P, M and sex in general as a crutch. Came around during the course of the day making some huge realizations about my life and life in general. Feels like the insights are coming from somewhere else. I know that this somewhere else is my Higher Self. I can ask it questions and it will give answers. That really works.

Day 55: 3 hours sleep. Feels like the ego is trying to sabotage my progress. Feel like I am going a little crazy. I'm bored and agitated and restless and can't wait to get to 90 days, hopefully, I will feel better and I will notice a difference.

Day 56: A little anxious all day but I notice a gap between me and the anxiousness. Feel slightly teary. Strange because I feel relaxed and anxious.

Day 57: Good day. Getting very creative and excited about creative projects. More insights about life coming to me. I am finding it hard to meditate though. Energy bursting out of me. More than I need at the minute but I feel I will be bringing in activities to match the energy very soon. The urges are now just thoughts that pop up from time to time. Thoughts of M. No P.

Day 58: Days dragging in. Very little sleep last night, maybe 3 hours. Having said that optimistic about the whole process. Things do feel like they are changing. Feeling a kind of boredness. I know this is a good sign. Feeling quite anxious, still have slight urges.

The urges are now just habitual thoughts. No physical urges. I do feel very anxious. I am painting and have set up a music studio to create music. Learning the basics of music theory.

Day 59: I feel great. Meditation helps. I feel a great sense of love in my heart. I feel like this is working. I am getting random hard ons.

Day 60: very cranky. Tired. My mind is racing a little. Feels like the addiction is screaming at me. It does feel like it's dying but it won't go without a fight.

Day 61: Up and down today. But I'm painting and reading. I feel bored and urges are back to just thoughts. The thoughts seem silly to me.

Day 62: Feel like crying. Slight urges. Feel a bit shaky. Very agitated. Mind going all over the place. Very frustrated and a little depressed.

Day63: Night sweats last night. Slightly depressed feeling but easily overcome. I have a splitting headache. I had one big sharp pain in my head earlier.

Day 64: I feel good today. I was up very early. Out to work. I am Self-employed. Reading ACIM is really helping. I am starting to feel like myself again. Just a smidgen, but it's there. Noticing that I am looking at girls but just a glance. Getting confident that I won't even glance anymore very soon. We'll see.

Day 65: Feeling good, social interaction just went well enough. More importantly, it didn't dominate my mind afterwards. You are learning, you just forget the progress. Up and down at the minute but in a good way. I can see the down and it is also nowhere near as intense as before. The suffering seems to be settling. I feel much more awake. Addiction helps with the process of letting go. Letting go of the addiction will go a long way to help you with the spiritual process. Twofold, keeping the seed and removing the thoughts. Kundalini is coming up for me. If you are on a spiritual journey this will help greatly. If not it will help anyway. I can see how P washed my mind with images of women that were running through my mind even when I didn't know it was doing it.

Day 66: Woke up feeling weird but meditated and feel a lot better. Seem to only need 5 to 6 hours sleep now instead of may 7 to 9 hours I needed before. Feel very fresh at 7am this morning. That was not the norm for me. Went to counselling. It went incredibly well. Feel wrecked tired. I feel like I'm letting go of lots of stuff. I have an excruciating feeling right now. I just have to bear it, I have had it before, it’s like a piece of me is dying.

Day 67: The excruciating feeling yesterday was like there was so much energy in my body that my body could just about handle it. Eyesight seems sharper and more clear. I feel completely zonked!

Day 68: Synchronicities happening. One was a taught came to go to a shopping centre that I would never go to. I tried to work out how I would get there. I would have to get two trams. I decided to go but I would go in a few days. I walked past a bus stop and found myself looking at the timetable. There was a new bus number. It looked so strange to me. Then the bus stopped and it was going to a college. I taught that is cool. That college used to be so hard to get to. Then, on the bus sign, it said it went via the shopping centre I was thinking about. When I got on the bus the taught came to me that this is a chance to not stare, and take on the energy of, all the people that walked by helping to let go of the obsession and habits I had built up. I also listened to the following video on YouTube while on the bus and while having coffee in the shopping centre. A video about the power of one and A New Earth by Brian Scott.



Many more spiritual insights. The last 68 day has felt like 2 or 3 years. Urges are back.

Day 69: feels like a piece of me is dying

Day 70: Drinks after a soccer match last night, so hungover today. A few girls caught my eye last night but I wasn't gawking at them. Felt a little strange, kind of like I'm in-between the old me and the newer version of me. Slight urges this morning. I used to always M when hungover. The urges are there but not too bad. Urges are strong.

Day 71: Good day, quite relaxed, sense of peace and joy. No urges.

Day 72: Urges and some fantasies are back. Balls feel full and sore.

Day 73: A little bored, slight urges, a couple of fantasies. Mainly a sense of boredom and a feeling of what's next? It kind of feels like I prefer when I'm in pain or suffering because at least I feel like I am doing something. I know from past experience, the feeling of boredom is a good sign. Very horny right now. This feels like the longest three months of my life. Big urges but I can handle them.

Day 74: Getting a lovely warm feeling in my heart and around my body. My head started spinning with thoughts but I don't have any anxiety or stress. Cannot concentrate at all today. Feeling depressed.

Day 75: My head is spinning. Triggered by people around me. 2 days of head-spinning now. Can't concentrate at all. The Head is starting to settle. This all feels like a spiritual process and everything I am learning, I am here to learn, then help others learn what I have learned if that is what they are looking for. I really hope this diary is a decent start in doing just that. I really cannot believe it's only 75 days, it really feels like 75 weeks.

Day 76: fairly relaxed day. No urges. Mind is much less busy but still up and down. Enjoying my day though. Nice. Big urges but no issue holding them off. Not getting complacent, still effort involved, just that the urge is strong and I can hold it off. Meditation and cold bursts at the end of showers are really helping.

Day 77: Had a feeling of peace in my heart, a feeling of spaciousness. My mind is still busy but it has much less of an effect. Feels like 90 days will never come. My mind is racing now. Feel like shit, worried what others think way too much. Can't stop the mind. It is biting. Worst I have felt in a long time. Anxiety coming back. My brain is screaming at me and wants me to m.

Day 78: woke up very early. 3am. Went back to sleep, woke up again at 5 am. I am tired but feel better today. Feel like I am back on the spiritual path. Slight urges, feeling bored. I think I used to fill this boredom with pmo.

Day 79: some serious spiritual insights happening. Some great healing. It is very tough but worth it. Like an old friend who is dragging me down is dying and the old friend is within me. Some pretty big urges but I can handle them. Cannot sleep at all. I did have coffee this afternoon but should still be able to sleep. Huge urges but I will not succumb

Day 80: Feeling okay but wrecked tired due to not sleeping last night. Really tired. Proud to be at day 80. Not an easy thing to do. But it is doable! Feeling of spaciousness in my heart but the mind still rumbling. More urges, fairly strong.

Day 81: Feeling groggy, an old habit of staying up late is hitting me hard. Big time urges.

Day 82: Slight urges but PMO seem silly now.

Day 84: A little agitated but I feel real progress. No urges. Very adjusted now.

Day 85: This has been tough but I'm feeling that spacious feeling in my heart, I can feel it throughout my body. Day 85 keep going. Seems like my ego is trying to block the progress I have made. Making me forget. Feeling good, Bit tired, slight urges but the idea of PMO is insane at this stage.

Day 86: feels like energy pouring through me. Very adjusted.

Day 87: If I ask a question before sleep, I have done it the last few nights, I get the answer in my dreams. Feeling very anxious. No urges. Not feeling great!

Day 88: Feel much more clear-minded today. Feel like I am making great progress. A lot more relaxed. Knattering still going on in my head but a lot quieter and I am less reactive to it. Feels like a lifetime since I started. Feeling positive though. Keep going.

Day 89: Mind is racing, big-time fantasies that I can't seem to stop easily. Urges and fantasies haven't had fantasies at all really until now.

Day 90: Went to bed late last night so feeling a little groggy but can feel my heart opening up. Great milestone. At times difficult, feel I have a little bit to go but well worth it. I am finding the answers to all the questions I have about my life which is difficult too. This has gone way beyond NoFap but NoFap was essential on the journey it slowed my mind down considerably. It is one less weapon my mind can use against me. It would say you deserve to M or it would cause a panic so I would M to calm down, then it was in control. Nearly M. Decided against it. Not worth it at all. Seem to need much less sleep

Day 91: I do feel a lot freer. I asked a question and got the answer in my dreams last night.

Day 92: I am buzzing! Lots of energy.

Day 93: Urges still there. But I did feel free for a few minutes.

Day 94: Urges still there. Still on a bit of a roller coaster, mentally, physically and spiritually.

Huge urges! Urges are strong but I can handle them. Nonstop urges. Touched myself. not enough to start at 0 but. Not too down. Just feeling very horny. Think that's quite normal. No porn. Cannot sleep. I relapsed. I don't feel bad about it. To be honest. I just felt a healthy horniness, then I got bored. I think the trick now is to not binge and not PMO next time I'm bored. I have plenty to do. I don't really need to be bored. I'm not giving out to myself like the last time I PMOed. It's like I think I should be giving out to myself but those thoughts are just not there. I just have to wait and see. I'm gonna try stop counting the days now so will probably stop journaling so regularly. I plan to post this journal online in a couple of weeks. One thing I will say is. This journey has been incredible I have learned things about myself and life that I just couldn't see. It is amazing. NoFap does work. It gave me a greater sense of Self. I feel I had turned the counting of the days into something it shouldn't have been. I'll let go of counting now and get back in a couple of weeks for a final journal.

I'm not giving out to myself. That is massive! That was a huge problem for me. I have read about people having enlightening experiences. I have had many! Too many to remember now, but I have written them down. Amazing insights into who I really am and how the world works. I saw the ego in action and was able to observe it in action. It is a safety mechanism that tries to control situations so that it knows you are safe. It will do anything to stay in control. It's afraid of dying. It doesn't realise you have this, you are strong enough. It can't see love or understand it and the more habits you give up the more you feel the love in your heart. You can then bring that into the world.

Day 99 and final journal: I have stopped counting. I feel really good. Still working on issues but PMO seems like no problem at all. Still vigilant but very relaxed. Any taught or urge is nothing to me. Nothing at all. This really feels like the start of a new chapter in my life.

 

No problem at all man, I hope it helped.

 

I am not sure about super powers but after two weeks I felt a lot better, more energy, more confidence, excitement for the journey ahead.

 

I would say I am getting more calm as the days go by. This is very strange for me. I have not felt like this in a long long time.

 

No problem at all, Thanks for reading. Hope it helps.