No P and M: 6y, hard mode: 10months, still PIED

Hi everyone,

as can you see I am a long time rebooter. I was addicted to PMO for about 12 years. I probably started when I was 13.
6 years ago, in 2013, I finally realized what I have done to my sexuality. From that point I stopped watching porn and never masturbated again and I will never do it again. That's for sure.

Ironically, after being single many years before 2013, only one month after my decision to quit porn and masturbation forever I met the girl that I finally married.

After meeting her in 2013 it took me 6-8 months to be able to have intercourse. My abilitiy to get an erection improved in the following three years, but I still had very big problems when trying to have sex. I had all of the known problems: PE, very strong urges and sex drive, being focused on fetishs I developed in all those years, needed to be stimulated by my wife and losing erection when starting to move in bed.

In 2017 and 2018 the process stagnated. Especially my urges and the unsatisfying intercourse became a problem in our relationship. I started to understand (thanks to you!) that my sex drive was kind of a substition for the porn addiction. Because there was no improvement anymore I decided on the first of september 2018 that I will stop having O. I felt that my body needed that. Easy Mode was not going to help me anymore. Since then I am doing hard mode.

That is my story and I would like to comment my reboot:

1) I still have PIED even though "my brain is wired to my wife" and even though I haven't had any orgasms for 10 months, except wet dreams.
2) Porn is history. That is not an issue in my life anymore.
3) I had a very long flatline during the last 10 months. Now, since my libido is back, I still have major problems getting an erection and not loosing it very fast.
4) My main aim is that one day I can get an erection without being actively stimulated. That should be normal. But I still fail and I am not even close. That is very disappointing.
5) I am frustrated because there is no data base about how long it will take me to have a normal sex life again.
6) The biggest disappointing is that even after 10 months of hard mode I barely see any major improvement.
7) Maybe there is one difference now. I have much less urges than last year. I can control my sex drive much better.

I hope we can all learn by our mistakes and achieve our goals in the end.

 

thanks everyone!

When my wife and I go to bed I definitely feel attracted to her and I love to get close to her. Then I get arroused, but my erection is very, very weak or just nothing happens down her because she and I agreed not stimulate my penis actively anymore. That is something I got used to and that is the problem.

I am athletic and sporty(? - sorry, I am not native). I go to gym three times a week. I am successful at work what actually was the cause of all the PMO addiction. I used PMO for many years as a tool to get balance and pleasure in my life because I studied a lot. Now, in the age of 30 I am a self confident person with good friends.

Yes, I find my wife attractive. I don't use facebook or instagram. I only see other good looking women on netflix and on the street.

I know it' terrifying. I realised that easy mode won't lead to success, at least for me. I did PMO in these 12 years probably one or two times per day. I am severe case.
I started with the 100 days challenge in september 2018. When I reached 100 days I said to my wife "okay, I am healed, come on let's go". My erection was fantastic. We got close but I didn't O. Two days later flatline started again and it lasted from december 2018 till may 2019. My libido is now back and I often feel that I am aroused but I often can't get a good erection. Sometimes, but seldom my erection is good but it won't last longer than one or two minutes.

I don't understand the difference between urges and sex drive. I will never touch myself again. I want to be able to have a good sex life and to become a father one day, hopefully without using magic pills.

I went to an urologist. In 2014 - after I met wife - one doctor used something like a pump to check if everything is good down her. His conclusion was that is all psychological. Before that I only told him that I was single a very long time and now have ED with my girlfriend. I didn't told him about porn.
In 2017 I started to use the magic pills what actually helped me a lot but the headaches were annoying and I knew that I was just fooling myself. So I quit. But the pills helped me to feel more secure, erection was good, but PE was still not easy to handle.
Three months ago I drank a lot of wine and suddenly I got a hard erection. Very seldom I have morning woods.
The only thing I never checked are my testosterone levels.

I think the symptoms are clear. I have problems because I got used to active stimulation. I am loosing erection when I move in bed while getting closer to my wife. And my body is still used to reach O very, very fast (PE).