I only see darkness

Theres a lot of things I'd love to tell you right now and I struggle to decide what would be the ones that actually help you, because darkness and pain are like constant companions of mine too. So I know that it won't help if I tell you to just be strong and keep pushing and how great you are and that you're not alone.

But there is something else, call it god, call it the universe, call it love, call it light, heck call it the 7 dragonballs it doesn't matter idc.
It is bigger than us, as you realized you are insignificant(although that is a pretty relative because I'm sure you're not insignificant to certain people for example and especially not to yourself because without you there wouldn't be you, so thats pretty huge) and won't matter in the "grand scheme".
But without you there is no grand scheme things, its only there because you perceive it. And yes you cannot change its entire state with your actions but that is the good thing because if you could you'd be god and what a shit ton of responsibility that would be huh?

So things are happening regardless, probably bad things happened to you, but what you can change is how you categorize them as you are the observer.
And you've been observing a lot of darkness but have been neglecting all the light, which is also constantly there. Without the light there would be no darkness and your mind and body are perfectly capable of receiving both, even though you might not feel it right now.

Death will inevitably happen, and it's nothing to worry about since we've been dead for along time already(maybe 13 billion years, maybe longer), but since we got thrown into this crazy existence, which nobody on this here planet really knows shit about, we might as well take it thankfully and do our best to breath in that fresh air, bath in that beautiful sunlight, laugh with our friends, even if its just about how stupid we are that we feel like shit all the time, and try our best to appreciate it while its here.
You have the right to get the best out of this life(and I don't mean conventional bullshit like cars, money, girls and fame - cool but optional) such as every other motherfckr on this planet but you are the only one who can grant you that right.

No matter what happens, its a crazy mess out here for everyone but you've been gifted this darkness and pain to get to a place where you can fully appreciate and love life in its entirety. Lots of people managed to do so and you'll be the next one!

Apart from that pseudo-philosophical rambling: If you're not already seeing a therapist, please consider doing so because it just helps not think through this alone or with people youre emotionallöy attached to. And as a little recommendation, next time before you watch a horror movie maybe check out "peaceful warrior" great flick, if you haven't seen it, please do so

All the love, all the power my friend!

 

And please go out with your friend tomorrow.
There is the possibility that its not gonna be great, sure. But you're already at that point where things aren't great, aren't you?
So why not consider the mathematically plausible option that it can just be good?
Your friend invited you, be grateful for that and give it your everything to enjoy yourself in whatever way possible
Maybe try and get out of your head by making the evening about your friend instead and how they manage.

 

What a powerful advice my good friend. I have been battling through serious depression since a few months and this has really given me a fresh nudge in the right direction. Every little bit counts.

Also to the OP like advised, yes definitely go out with that friend even if you may not enjoy it fully, you may learn to appreciate the fact that there are people in your life with whom you can spend time with as opposed to being with no one. Also, it looks like your crushing on that person is starting to get a little hard on you. So if she is the person with whom you feel the most comfortable with, you can share some of your thoughts and feelings with her. And maybe in the long run, if she is an understandable of a person, which I am sure she is according to what you told us, you can tell her how you truly feel about her. Worst case scenario, she may not reciprocate the same feelings, but if she is a good person by heart she will stay by your side as a close friend.

 

What you describe sounds like a major depressive episode. I know it. Believe me, there is help. But you have to seek help. Please seek professional help, there is no shame in having depression.

Things that can help you (but please seek help anyway)

1. spend as much time as possible outside in the light.
2. try to exercise, slow walking or cycling is enough.
3. meet your friends whenever possible, even if you don't feel like it.
4. get omega 3 fish oil. Take it every day. It is completely natural and has been proven to help with depression.
5. stop thinking all day. I know it is extremely hard. I have the same problem. When you notice you are thinking again, distract yourself. Read a book or play video games.

But the most important thing. Please seek help. I pray for you.

 

It seems that you do not have a plan for life or a purpose. I found mine after going through books about philosophy and religions.

If you are having a crush I think that you should tell her. I know it could make things awkward but it seems that it is causing you more pain. After it it might hurt more but you could leave a situation that is causing you pain.

Have you found out why you are in pain? There is always a reason for everything, pain is a sign that something is wrong. To get rid of it you have to work towards healing yourself.

I remember when I was down, I used to feel like you did. Hopeless. It did eventually go away after splitting up with a girl. 2 years later we can talk still, but it required a long time of not talking. I realized that it could not work out so I had to leave the friendship. She did still text me from time to time, but I knew it could not work out so I did not get my hopes up only to feel the pain again.

Going for walks in the nature, exercising, and cooking something good helps me to feel better. Also planning what to do in the future helps, but still I recommend living in the now. Dont give up, there is hope. Always will be.

 

Sounds like you need God in your life, also space and universe as you were taught in school doesn't exist, that lie exists for that exact purpose, to make you feel small and insignificant.

Also stop only thinking about yourself, look around you and help someone who needs help, you'll feel better as a result.

Girls are overrated and don't try to get a girl if you're just going to burden her with your problems. You're supposed to be a source of fun and relaxation to a girl.

Go out with your friends and try to have fun.

 

Y'know, I've thought about suicide a lot in the 3-6 months or so (no idea the time frame...time flies when you're having fun, no?). But I read somewhere about the cycle of action and the cycle of inaction. The cycle of action is more or less act-->see results-->get motivated-->act, and so on. The cycle of inaction is more or less inaction-->don't see results-->lack of motivation, despair-->inaction, etc. I've been trying to show up every day with the action mentality. It sucks on bad days, but it does seem to be helping. My advice to you would simply be to act, and act consistently on something positive and preferably something measurable, so you can see progress. The possibilities are endless, really.
The other thing would simply be to know, as weird as it sounds, that you are loved. I'm sure by your loved ones, but if not, by the people in the above posts. There is a lot of wisdom and care to be found there. And I, too, in a completely platonic and manly way, love you. Hang in there, man. I hope you pull through.

P.S. Unrequited love is f**king awful and could be a source of your depression. I would second or third, or whatever, the recommendations above about confronting the girl about your feelings. Either that or do everything in your power to put your attention on something else, whether it be a project (your brain has trouble focusing on two things at once) or a different girl you can pursue. Tbh, unrequited love has been the closest I've ever been to the abyss. Fight it the best you can. I'll be rooting for you.

 

A friend got drunk flied to another country and got sent to a psichiatric house when they found em. All over a woman and life. Don't be like my friend Life is rough bit beating yourself up ain't gonna make ot better.

 

I've been feeling terrible lately. I feel like I'm depressed. Maybe I should take it up with a psychologist.

 

Might be a good idea

 

I think a big cause of your pain is continuing to hang out with the girl you have a crush on. If she doesn’t like you, and if you like her, then you should end the friendship in my opinion. Some of the times I’ve felt the worst in life is when there was a girl I was around who I liked but she didn’t like me back. Continuing to be around her is just going to cause a continual hell for you. It’s almost like being in a “cuckold” porn video to be honest. You like a girl but she is dating someone else yet you are a still hanging out with her. That’s a form of hell on earth in my opinion.

also, yea I’d agree with the earlier poster about getting into religion and/or philosophy. Check out the philosopher Nietzsche. He talks about breaking out of weakness and into the realm of power. It could maybe break you out of your depression and into a new phase of life

 

I can advise you to start life with a clean slate. Go to another city/country. Make new acquaintances and change your style of clothing

 

I can relate

 

Thanks for the tip