You wake up feeling bad, like you don't seem to know why you even bother getting out of bed. You do your homework until you are left alone with nothing to do in front of the computer, all the problems go away from the moment you type the letter "P" You look for a video, one that you like and you masturbate while you watch it. Does this little moment of pleasure fill you up? You need it? But then everything is the same again. Do you remember your life without porn? You feel so?
Initially porn and masturbation are not depression related, in the sense that you may not start watching porn or masturbate because you are depressed. But porn and masturbation can definitely cause depression. Porn and masturbation contributed to my depression, I started being depressed a year or 2 after I started watching porn and during those times I would think about masturbating because it was instant pleasure and the dopamine receptors were getting negative effects from it until it was hard to stop masturbating to porn but now I'm free from it.
When I started it was because everyone was doing it. Actually, when I first heard about it I was 13, and I didn't yet know how to masturbate. I thought all there was to porn was to look at naked women, get an erection, and then go "oh ok, nice" and do something else. I didn't fap until about 2 years after discovering porn. And since then, downhill. Always tired, always dependent on that rush of feel-good, even multiple times per day. My fantasies became violent, exploitative. I didn't crave connection, I craved dominion, the prohibited and even the illegal. Now I have realized this is wrong on so many levels, and only a consequence of my chase for newer, stronger stimuli. I don't know if the theory behind YBOP is true, but it rings so many bells in me that I feel at least the psychological part is 100% so. To answer your question: most things happen for a reason. If you get to this point, you do to escape life, be it responsibilities or grief. For me, it was my timidness and ineptitude in entertaining ties with women. I saw people having girls all the time, being gregarious, sociable, and so on and I thought "damn man, it's so easy, why can't you do that?". Anger ensued, anger I channeled into depraved fantasies. Some sort of reprisal against what I perceived as an injustice. And it's back to what I said above. I do remember my life without porn. I was a much more hopeful person, one that was goal oriented, even if a little lazy. We're talking of almost a decade ago. Not everything is P's fault, but P helped in making me miserable.
I can't figure anyone who watches pr0n and don't feel bad about it or slowly promotes destruction in their lives... it is like a virus.
JAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJ ya esperaba encontrarme a alguien que entendiera mi nombre de perfil. En efecto, aqui es en donde se aprende ingles; por el contrario, en las clases de ingles es puro verbo to be y rellenar los libritos
