The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Relapse again.

 

Thanks as always for your honesty and for sharing again @RiseToGreatness
Thanks also for the warning - I guess the unnatural novelty factors have a big part to play in that addiction also - pulling us away from reality even further while making the side effects even worse

 

Checking in Friends - watched an amazon prime series last night which does not have any triggers but did have a beautiful actress who I looked up in wikipedia today. I shouldn't have done this but thankfully it turns out she is a practising Christian and married to a preacher and it hit me that that beauty in her eyes was the light of her soul. This was like a window into the deep down craving we have for true connection, with our selves, others and with the Spirit. P pretends to be beautiful but it is utterly ugly. I think that this is one of the reasons we keep looking for more and more, not only are we looking for a dopamine hit, we are looking to find beauty, which is always promised but is never given. The more we search, the more entrenched in ugliness we become, and the more ugly we ourselves become. At least that is what I think. So to cleanse ourselves, we need to detox, and after detox we can start rewiring and attracting true beauty into our lives both outside and within. So no more peeking or searching for beauty on the net - it isn't there in fantasyland, it is here in reality and it is here in our hearts

 

Respect for your honesty - this has helped me today

 

Day 6

 

Checking in. All good here, steady as she goes.
Been super busy with work stuff, so haven't been checking in regularly, but hope to post updates more regularly.

 

Day 1

Back on the trail! Seems many of us have been slipping, I wonder if the increasing shortness of daytime has any effect on that?

Man, I am tired today, despite eight hours of sleep. I really haven't done most of what I wanted to today, and, worse, haven't really kept on my schedule. I still have some hours left, though, and I hope to use them to their fullest.

Examining the last week or so, I think I've been too undisciplined w/ social media and internet browsing. I like to read mostly political and philosophical stuff, not pornographic stuff, but still I think this is bad for my attention span and causes me to be less productive.

Let's try to forgive ourselves the slips we've had and head strong into the coming holidays, eh?

 

I'm back , the pmo maybe won this battles but not the war.

 

I'm glad to hear you're back and open, there is not judgement here my friend. We are all here to destroy our own dreaded ring. May I suggest downloading cold turkey if it is in your means. You need to pay for it, but you can add websites even while the blocker is running. This way, for the porn games you mention, you just block the website from which you download it, have it run 24/7 7 days a week in a separate scheduled block. This way you know you can't touch or add the password feature and give it to a trusted friend or family member.

 

Thank you, my friend! I'm glad that you find them helpful and I will continue to add my reflections here. Yes, keeping myself accountable here, reading your posts and speaking with you all brings inspiration to further the quest to destroy this damned ring that is PMO addiction. I'm grateful for this challenge and I'm grateful that our friend @RiseToGreatness has made it.

Thank you, my friend! I honoured by such inspiration, I hope to continue to help with guidance as I may. I learn from all of you as well and for that I am truly grateful. There is always hope while the fellowship remains true ! You can do this, you have made tremendous progress.

 

By admitting to the reset, you have kept true to your word. Well done, I mentioned this in response to @RiseToGreatness too, look into purchasing cold turkey if it is in your means. It may be useful to block out key search words and phrases. It can be very useful early on in the journey.

 

Count me in

 

Day 8
I have become an Uruk-hai today

 

Day 1
sorry I didn't post about my relapse yesterday

The sun actually came out today so I've been feeling pretty good today. Had a meeting with my boss about 2 big projects that I'm now working on. Compared to how I've been usually feeling this winter today has been good.

 

Day 276

 

Day 2

 

That's a nice new avatar you have there!

Yes porn games are very addictive indeed. Also be careful what role you play in these games because some are especially wicked or fetish-related. Are you playing computer games in general? If not, I would try to find some nice game that isn't sexual or triggering that you can play when the urge hits you to play porn games. Maybe you just want to wander through another world, play a character, make decisions. That's totally fine!
When you get restless and you're searchless more and more for "the right game" that is a sign that you must calm your mind. Try to find just one game that you really can get into (if you decide to play). Try to ignore or calm the feeling of "this isn't enough" when you're playing. Rather be patient. If it's too boring you can just quit it. But the most exciting game will most likely be a porn game. As long as the mind is addicted to it.

Anyway, have fun

 

I'm an orc again. For a moment I thought I'm on day 6, but it's day 1 (because of mo)
As for P everything's fine. Every day seems easy. But today could be some of that days ... better to be careful than sorry

 

Day 13

I got things to say... But maybe I'll save it for tomorrow. The main point is I made it through another day, although I think the victories ring a bit hallow these days. My conviction isn't completely back after all and I think part of me just wants to relapse. I know that'll just set me back more though.

I originally just wanted to beat pied and learn how to have better relationships with women. I'm sure it's behind my ED (at least I hope that's all it is). It just annoys and concerns me that even after completing 90 days that wasn't enough to fix the problem. Granted I did relapse and binge a bit prior, and it was with a pretty abusive ex so I don't know... Those things might have mattered. I have a fear now that nofap can't help me with this problem, and that's affecting my motivation I think.

I just shouldn't have relapsed to begin with. I'm frustrated to be retracing my steps still and feel like I ended up making no progress. That can't be true though as 13 days used to seem like a massive streak to me. I couldn't make it through a day for much of my life (heck even only once a day was impossible it had to be a bunch), and I did this pretty easily compared to before. The addiction has been considerably (and I mean considerably) weakened compared to what it was, so my quest here on this forum must have done something.

Maybe it's just that nofap doesn't excite me anymore. I think I used to get a dopamine rush from getting streak numbers I never thought I could get. When I'm lacking in motivation I know I just need to buckle down and be consistent though, so I won't give up. Guess I ended up saying a certain amount anyway.