Don’t rely on sexual fantasy to get aroused

(From the book: Taoist Secrets of Love. Please note that the book was written in the 80’s before internet porn existed. Porn is of course also a fantasy)

The danger of reliance on sexual fantasy is that sex will become limited to a mind trip. The yin and yang energies moving through man and woman are real, not a fantasy. If you limit sex to an idealized image taken from Playboy or invented by your imagina- tion you will find it difficult to experience in your body the pro- found flow of your deeper energies. If sex becomes a mental play, it can block the deepest play of your being because it is not cen- tered in the body in the present moment but in projecting ahead into the future. How can you love a woman in your arms if you are busy holding another one in your dreams? Both lovers are cheated by this.
The common tendency of the male is to project ahead in time a plan of action. This imagination is a strength when it leads to positive accomplishment. A joint projection of spiritual will shared by lovers can certainly lead to deeper fulfillment.
But sexual fantasy becomes a negative projection, an escape from the present, this is impossible for any real woman to fulfill. Worse, it reduces real women to the level of fantasy objects. It can be an excuse to leave the real woman in your life to go off and pursue an imaginary one. The classical Taoist texts speak of "ghosts" that visit men in their dreams and make intensely pas- sionate love to them. These men are never happy, with their life, constantly seeking their intensity in dreaming, and never awaken to the possibility they could have a more satisfying love with a real woman, with a flesh and blood body and soul if only they spent their energy cultivating that possibility.