Well it all started last night, I didn't go to bed in time, I also woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn't go back to sleep so I played with myself while sexually fantasizing, almost relapsing twice, then I got out of bed but now my balls were hurting, they were extremely sensitive and it was very uncomfortable. The feeling went away after a few hours and I listened to music which got me pumped but as soon as I turned it off I got strong urges and was on the verge of relapsing. Then I decided to steel my resolve, with only 4-5 hours of sleep, my daily routine completely screwed, not making my bed in the morning and now fighting strong urges around 2pm. I said I would kill myself if I relapsed today, I was completely serious in that moment, I would rather die and leave my family for good than to relapse today, said I would cut off my penis, gouge out my eyes and cut off my hands, with that conviction the urges retreated like a fucking bitch, that's something I've learned, we have something different from animals, we have conviction, animals run on instincts and instinct will run the moment it senses danger even if it's a lion. So here I am at 6pm, with zero urges, having learned my lesson and writing this post. I'm going to sleep at 10pm tonight and make sure I'm disciplined from here on out.