Loneliness causes PMO, not the other way around

Lol the cause of pm+ is addiction. There are so many "here's why, no that's not why" that are just ideas. We can look to our experience, we don't have to believe every thought that passes through the mind. The reason we often get caught up in theoretical "this is why people use p" has two parts: 1 we don't like calling ourselves addicts it doesn't sound good, hurts pride and 2 something inside me "wants to watch pornography" among many other things so if it can get me debating about theories I will become the master debater I.E. arguing keeps me from having to give up what I simultaneously want to give up and keep doing. That's very uncomfortable, like slamming the gas and the brake at the same time. We're all in that process most of the time, sometimes more on the side of wanting to give it up sometimes more "wanting to do it.". Also it's appealing to have a simple answer, eg if I just don't get so lonely I'll be able to control my pm+ that way. I predict that that will not work long term, in particular on the if chance that someone stays porn free for decades that way they still won't be as happy as acceptance would have made them.

 

You are the only one who can decide if it's a problem and/or an addiction.

Even if PMO is neither, you might consider completing a hard mode reboot anyway.

This will rebuild your brain and body in such a way that you will make a far better future.

Because you will be surprised and amazed at the kinds of changes that will result.

These aren't going to come to you because of taking the easy way in life.

 

I do believe in a lot of cases that having a girlfriend or the act of going on a date... that this can completely rid your mind of wanting to PMO.

Last year, I hung out with a girl two times. Had one O with her as well, which was on day 22. Just from feeling this warmth and complete difference in how I felt inside by hanging out with a girl I actually liked and feeling that from the inside.... this led me to get to day 94 on that streak, before a relapse on day 94.

And this girl didn't want to hang out with me anymore after we hung out those two times. But just the good feeling of talking to her and trying to date her and actually touching in a romantic way... THIS was very powerful

I'd say that you shouldn't give up on this girl yet. She probably still wants to hang out. Yea she had to cancel, but don't give up on her. Continue with your NoFap streak.... She could just be seeing if you are willing to put in the effort to try and get her back!! Don't give up on her just yet

 

Do you have any idea how many times I started and stopped a reboot?

It's the reason why I have over 300 days every year, but this is only my third full reboot.

Keep trying.

Remember that all you need to focus on is getting through TODAY.

Don't put any more expectations on yourself.

You will do it.

 

Don't get carried away with the idea that having a woman will make all this go away. You're going to get pain and frustration in a relationship and when that happens you're going to get triggered back into your old habits. Even if the relationship is fine, you will be tempted to PMO again. When it comes to this the grass is never greener. You need to get to the root of your issues and start fixing them. PMO is just your way of checking out of life. Start replacing it with something else. If you're frustrated go for a walk and clear your head instead of looking at porn. See that as a win and a positive action that you've taken control. Keep doing it. Build a belief system within yourself. You need to start reprogramming how you respond to things and that takes a lot of time.

 

I think you have a good chance with her still. Maybe don’t wait a couple weeks before contacting her again. Maybe text her asking how she is in like 5 days, and if she would like to get some food or something

You remind me of situations I have been in before with girls… Girls seem to view time very differently than guys.. if a girl cancels on us last minute and doesn’t talk to us for two weeks… us guys kind of assume it’s over. But this isn’t the case with girls at all.

I am almost 100% sure she still likes you, she was just either actually busy that day when she cancelled, or she is seeing how you react to this because she wants to see how you could potentially be as a long term option

and yea, I feel similar to you as far as PMO “addiction”. When I go on a date with a girl I like, or if there is a possibility of a girl I like wanting to hang out, my desire for PMO drops to 0% because I deeply feel how much better the real thing is.

Anyways, it doesn’t matter how many guys are after her, it probably isn’t dozens. She seems to have you as one of her top choices, so try to remain emotionally calm and balanced during this time.

 

""""""To me her behaviour doesn't really make sense, because, me personally, I either am attracted to a girl or not and if i'm attracted i will try to meet her. if i don't i will try to get rid of her and never text her without her directly asking me something."""""""

The way you are viewing this is from a very logical perspective and very rational. I don't think women think like this though, at least not as much as guys do.

The optimism comes from a couple things. First, she hooked up with you... Second, even though she cancelled at the last minute that day, she texted you another day and was talking to you again.

I'd say you should ask if she wants to hang out again and try to plan a day. Don't just wait for her to text you. The fact that she texted you after initially cancelling, at least in my opinion, this shows that she was telling you that she is still available for you... She doesn't want you to stop pursuing her

 

Yea it’s probably better to wait at least 5 days minimum. Im just guessing though

maybe you could say something for example like: “hey, so I thought I was gonna be busier this week but I’m actually free on Tuesday night if you’d wanna go to this place” and then if she replies saying she can, then great. If she replies saying she can’t, then you can ask her schedule and try to figure out a day for a date. And if she doesn’t respond, then wait another week and try again

 

Same man u are normal

 

I hope for you being in a relationship helps you move past it, but there are a lot of guys with gf's, who are married etc who are still trapped by this problem. It isn't that you're getting a sexual release with your partner, it's that your brain wants more. We see sex objects everywhere that trigger us. The problem isn't a lack of sex, it's that we have a lust or desire in us that can't be filled by our partners. We get desensitized to normal things and need more to get us off. If you've never been with anyone or not had a relationship, in the beginning that will be new and novel to you, so it will probably quench the feelings you have. But over time, don't be suprised if your need for PMO comes back.

Also, you've mentioned you PMO when you're hurt. Well if that happens in a relationship, you might not be able to get sex, so you'll be tempted to go back to PMO to soothe yourself and that can set up a whole new guilt/shame cycle that you're using PMO instead of being with your partner.

I'm not saying being in a relationship won't help you, but you need to keep an open mind and be vigilant when it comes to this. There is no magic cure.

 

I believe moments of loneliness lead to porn and porn leads to loneliness. I will only eplain the second implication since you've already explained the first. I feel like porn cuts me off of my emotions, it helps me prevent myself from connecting with people. I believe I am not getting too close to people on purpose because of fear of getting hurt but I still have the need for connection. Porn helps me kill/numb this need. It does the same with my sexual needs, it "answers" them (it also enhances them unfortunately, and renders the satisfaction less then it would be with actual real sex) and that way, prevents me from getting out of my way to seeking any kind of physical relationships. So yes, porn helps me cutting me off from people and makes me feel lonely.

As for the woman you are referring to, even without knowing her I seriously doubt she's talking to 10 other dudes haha, you overestimate the time we have to spent on multiple guys. Two is already way enough for most. Also, people can sense when a guy (or a girl or anybody) doesn't think high of himself. Self-deprecation reeks and is repelling while confidence (or rather knowing your self worth) is very attractive. This is good news since it means you can get attractive by cultivating your self worth, which does not depend on your looks or your achievements. If this girl agreed to make out with you in your own apartment, you're probably not as uninteresting to her as you seem to think you are, I doubt she's already forgotten you. If you do choose to send her a message, maybe you could write in a breezy tone, detached but interested nevertheless?

 

I do use Tinder and I am a chick, I do have a lot of good matches, date propositions, but I certainly don't message all of them and actually meet very few. Maybe a first message but I quickly know which one (emphasize on the one) I actually want to talk to. It is not as mathematical as your demonstration, it doesn't take me a lot of time to have a conversation with the match, but I don't really have "mental time" and interest to give to multiple people at the same time. Maybe it is different for your match yes, but maybe it isn't.

There are multiple explanations for your chick's behavior and I actually have one, it's merely a guess. Maybe this woman has trust issues, I know for me it is very scary not only to trust someone enough to get emotionnaly and physically close to them but it also scares me that one may get attached to me in an unhealthy way, which can happen when someone doesn't value themselves, they will do everything to please you and it is scary. (although I think it scares me because I myself don't value myself much :') ) Which is why I talked about a breezy text, those are the kind of message matches send me that completely erase my fears and make me want to meet again.