Hello my name is Ethan age 25, I do not really have much talking to people.Growing up I had a lot of classmates in school. Although I would talk about hobbies and stuff we liked, there was never really any substance in those conversations. It would never progress past small talk. I was afraid to get close to people (not that I did not want to) I really wanted to make friends, but I was too awkward, too afraid to get close. Forget about making friends I am too shy to even communicate with my family. I realise now that I was just using porn as a cheap substitute for real intimacy. I also recently came to the realisation that I don't really know my family all that well, and vice versa. Like we talk but I don't really know hot to communicate. Sorry for posting a book I tried to keep it as brief as possible. Any advice would be much appreciated. PS This is my first time posting to a forum.
Welcome Ethan! My 2 questions are: How long have you been off porn so far? And, at what point did past conversations fall flat at?
There's several books on the subject @ Kindle but if I were you Id start with attraction itself (I'm assuming you wanna talk to girls). Find out what makes a guy attractive to a girl's eye at a general level (book recommend: "Atomic Attraction"). Once you understand that you'd have a better platform to work off in terms of actually speaking to girls because it's not really what you say, it's how you say it.
I have been off it since March 6th and I've only relapsed 4 times. The conversations start to fall flat when the topic moves away from hobbies. Like when people try to know more about me as a person ie. cultural background, family, past experiences. I don't really know what to tell them because I spent the majority of my life behind a screen. I recently started playing this mmo and I joined a guild and actually started talking about myself a little bit. I felt kind of happy, talking to my guild was a lot funner then the actual game play. Heck even getting replies from this forum made me more excited then I've ever felt in a long time. I have had a lot more social interactions in the last few weeks. Then I ever did in the last several years. When covid started I just used that as an excuse to not go outside.
Thanks a lot for the recommendation I will definitely check it out, I mean I do want to get a girlfriend eventually, However before that I would like to make a friend. I do ok when it's in text like in facebook chat or discord, however when it's face to face even on Zoom or whatever. I start to get nervous and freak out a little. (Even responding to these forum posts took me like 20 minutes to type up.)
Good, your brain healing will help a lot in better communication. Anytime I'm over 15+ days I really feel sharper and can understand what to say a lot better. Yeah I think a lot of us can relate to that. IMO the best idea (if you don't have much interesting yesteryears to talk about) is to vaguely acknowledge your lack of experience with something like "I'm an ex-homebody but I'm expanding myself lately. . . and it sure is fun!" then segue to your goals/dreams/future. Talking about those things should be easy and relatable plus you are the one controlling the narrative then.
People love talking about themselves.. so ask questions and then sit back and listen.. asking questions is easy. Show a genuine interest in what they're saying and not just be thinking about what you're going to say next. It takes practice but you can do it. Read a lot about different topics - it will make you a more interesting person and a better conversationalist.
I would read some books, you can talk about movies, songS whatever you like, but good way to communicate is, to listen to the other person and ask the question from their answer and either tell your view or tell similar experience if have any or seen somewhere. or related story. watch youtube video for better communication. check charisma on command youtube. it might help.
