Maaaaaan, just blew it. It wasn't a huge streak by any means, but it was big for me, and in one single moment I decided to go and PMO. It was a super strong urge that came out of nowhere, while I was meditating, after I had exercised, after a frustrating work day. I say it was super strong, because it was almost like I lost my any sense of will power, I quit meditating, changed rooms, opened my computer, hacked my blocker... any yeah, maybe 10 minutes later, tops, my streak is over. Any one have any suggestions for what you do when a really huge urge just feels like it overwhelms you like that?
This is gonna sound strange, but let it overwhelm you. Don't act on it, just lay/sit still. Keep your breathing steady and calm. Feel the urge as intensely and clearly as you can, just let it pass over you like a wave of energy (which is essentially what it is). Always remember an urge is just a feeling, it does not need to be acted upon if you just let it flow rather than trying to resist it.
Thanks for this, I really appreciate it. It definitely helps, as it at least helps me realise that its just a feeling, which can be for me one of the hardest parts when the urge is intense. I've had some success with this in the last couple of days, and some not success. I will try to be more aware and study the feeling. It can be hard though when the tech is in the other room and it just takes a second to break the porn blocker and use it. I think I've also been really tired lately which doesn't help. All part of the journey. I just wish it wasn't so easy to slip up.
It's definitely not easy to begin with, but the more you do it you'll find more success with it. I don't know if you meditate or not but, meditation can help separate you from your thoughts/feelings even more
To me reframing the urge helps. I start by saying "No" conciously to that voice that tells me to look for images/videos etc. and than inevitably pain and anger will be the response of that voice. I then take a deep breath and try to search deeper for the desire behind the desire to watch P. Is it me looking to relax, blow of some steam, temporarily escaping my reality, fighting boredom? I then ask myself how I can authentically fulfill that new core desire from the point of the man I want to be; maybe I'm stressed because of a deadline and then I might take a walk or something like that. This process might take a while at first but with time it gets easier. I got this concept from Marc Queppet:
I would do a combination of approaches including what was already mentioned above. When your mind is still able to catch you off guard like that I think it's a good idea to use some kind of a timer lock like a kitchen safe, I used to use a timer safe. (don't need it anymore) while you can hack a software blocker a physical lock can't really be bypassed without at least breaking the thing, so you can use it for the phone, router etc. If all your devices are too big maybe put the cable or power adapter in there. You can do this at least during the hours when you sleep, and if you don't sleep well that's something you want to look at too and it takes a little bit of detail to work with that. In general I'll just say if anybody doesn't have consistent sleep and if they still rely on an alarm clock it's probably not optimized and even if it looks pretty good by everyday conventional standards it's probably not. I'm not advocating using this indefinitely, but only until you don't need it anymore. Even when you're still doing this you can practice mindfulness along with self-talk, which I would say even out loud (it doesn't have to be so loud that other people in the house hears it if that's an issue) is really helpful. And in both cases even if you do a little bit remembering to do it and going back to it again and again it's key.
Hey guys, So much great advice, thank you so much. I am still very much learning to apply all of this on a consistent basis, but feel I am making progress. Thanks @takeaction21 for sharing this strategy and the Mark Queppet video. I'm yet to work my way through all of his stuff, but this was really helpful on giving me a process to work through when urges in their different forms arise. I'm trying to journal consistently too, and this will be a big help with that. Thanks @OrganizeInformed for sharing the lock safe idea. It's hard because my hobbies are on my devices (I'm teaching myself to make a computer game at the moment, which I love, but does make it difficult sometimes) But I have been trialing 'tech blackouts' at certain times of the day that I know are dangerous for me and this has helped a lot, but its good to hear from someone with more experience that using a blackout/lockout approach helps in the long term to solidify habits. Thanks @sh0gun for the initial advice to sit with the feeling. It's helping, and helping me to see why some urges are so overwhelming. It's actually staggering the amount of things that happen in my body when a big one hits, like adrenaline spikes for anticipation in my chest, salivating in my mouth, shortness of breath. I'm practicing meditation using an App called Smiling Mind which has been a big help.
You had an urge, but you must certainly remember that you "Made the miserable choice in the first place" Knowing how awful you'll feel afterward; But you know what, I'm not superman myself. I certainly had my fair share of relapses but after I've realized that even in situations of great pain and temptation, we have the ability to choose how to act. You can let it wash over you or act on it. I much prefer having a little irritation rather than compromising my work and effort. I share with you a link to a free book "Guide to quit watching porn" that will definitely help you out. Let me break it down like this. It's basically the fruit of my 2 years of battling with the addiction and relapsing back in forth. You get to have it and read it for free. Click the following link and get the book "Free Book guide to quit PMO'ing from today" You have nothing to lose and absolutely everything to gain mate. Don't take it for granted dude, I am only sharing out of empathy for anyone going through the pain because I've been there and I know how it can feel sometimes.
It's temporary, even though it might seem like ages but hey that's what "Relativity" basically is. Painful moments tend to feel like a lot of time. I found it interesting helpful to have a timer and to count the seconds of "Painful urges" you would be surprised that it lasted for no more than 1 minute.
It is the autopilot relapse mode. A very serious condition. I failed on all my high streaks due to this thing.
Yeah autopilot is exactly what it feels like. It almost like you're sitting outside of yourself watching yourself do it. Trick is to find ways of interrupting this autopilot. Any recommendations? @Aod Dhan Haha might be a good investment! I'm cleaning out the shed this week! @Leon12 It's the worst knowing that I'm the one who has made the choice, it can just 'feel' overwhelming when the urge really hits, like adrenaline spikes in the chest and stomach, shortness of breath, imagery in the mind, salivating in the mouth. I'm working on changing my sense of identity and being someone who just doesn't identify with using this stuff, but far out does it take time. I'll have a look at your eBook, but any steps you'd like to recommend here would be helpful. @Leon12 I also like the idea of using a timer when these big urge waves really hit hard. A timer would quantify time during the urge and one of the issues I find with the urge is it exaggerates itself/presence making it 'appear' like it will last forever, unless I give into it. I will add this one to my repository
Here is a post that you can read before the book. Best tips to successfully stop PMO'ing If you’re addicted to porn and you want to stop for good. Join the community! It’s a revolutionary one. In fact, every porn consumer in the world is not ecstatic about that side of their life, and 99,99% of the population affected would avoid the subject in casual discussions. The great majority of compulsive porn consumers say they wish they could be normal; the rest just won’t admit it out of impulsive arrogance. You are different because you have recognized the problem and admitted it, which is the first step towards “Freedom”. You now dig deeper into your inner self to uncover the motives behind your abusive and discreet porn dependency. Once you find out the root cause behind your porn use, you’ve already done most of the heavy lifting. What works for other people doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll work for you as everyone is different, so take into consideration your uniqueness along the path to recovery. The following are the iron rules that you must stick to if you seek to quit for good. We are here to put you on the right track so that you can come up with no excuse for failure. 10 Iron rules to stop porn dependency from this moment 1- Set your date and time to stop Set a date and time to cease masturbation to porn and carry on as usual right up to the moment you select to stop – Don’t quit cold turkey from day one, as that will make you feel as if you’re depriving yourself of something. You must particularly not think that you’re making a sacrifice. It is vital for optimal recovery. 2- Look forward Remember – you’re not giving up anything because porn did nothing for you. In fact, it only made your life miserable. You get no long-lasting healthy pleasure from it, and it simply kept you in its belly for far too long – a slave to lust. Get it clearly into your mind: you are losing nothing, and you are making remarkable favorable improvements not only in health, energy, and money but also in trust, self-esteem, independence, and, most important of all, in the length and quality of your future sex life. You’ll enjoy being a non-porn user from the moment you go through your last session. 3- Have a final PMO'ing session There’s nothing to sacrifice – you’re getting rid of a heavy burden. Watch your final porn video and make an irreversible promise that you will never watch another video again or view women on the net as sexual objects no matter what happens. This is the most crucial decision you will ever make because the length and quality of your future sex life critically depend on it. What’s more, you know it’s the right choice actually as you make it. You know that you made the correct decision, never even begin to question or doubt that decision, and never let anyone influence or shake your confidence in your own decision. 4- Be cool about the process Your brain will eventually rewire from the effects of porn consumption the more you abstain from porn use, but that doesn’t signify that you will feel utterly miserable because you can’t have another sneak peek. The physical withdrawal is very moderate, and it quickly fades. Take the time to appreciate that you won’t have to deal with any pangs after successfully leaving porn addiction behind you. Slowly but surely, reprogram your mind to function without porn because it can and always could. 5- Don't keep waiting for the moment of revelation Do not try to avoid discussions about porn out of fear that you’ll be influenced to relapse. You must be highly confident that nothing can reverse your decision. Go out and appreciate social events right from the start and do not envy porn viewers; instead, you should pity them. Realize that they will be coveting you because every one of them will be hoping they could be like you: free from the nasty porn dependency. No porn addict wants to see their loved ones PMO’ing which means they desire they hadn’t begun themselves. Recognize that it’s not you who are being deprived, but poor porn consumers are. They’re being denied their mental health, vitality, peace of mind, self-esteem, courage, self-worth, and freedom. If you’re ever questioned about your no PMO lifestyle, just ditch the conversation and don’t even bother explaining the long list of benefits of NOFAP. Do not cast pearls before swine. 6- Think about porn Don’t try to resist thinking about porn – it just doesn’t work. If I say: “Don’t think about a monkey”, the first thing you’ll think about is a monkey? Just make sure that whenever you remember porn, you’re not thinking: “I am craving just one more PMO’ing session right now, but I am deprived” but instead think: “Isn’t is great that I don’t need to waste my valuable time on porn anymore and I have no motivation to do so anymore. I’m a recovered porn addict!” Then you can safely think about porn all you want and you’ll still feel no threat to relapse at all. 7- Don't sneak a peek, not even one Never be fooled into thinking you can “sneak a peek” just one time to get over a stressful life situation. If you do, you’ll end up trapped in no time at all. Never think about it one last time; always think of the clean streak. Don’t compromise your outstanding achievement by dropping your guard down, don’t slack off. Stay vigilant and disciplined. 8- Don't go on a porn diet Do not use porn to quit porn consumption. That will make it more complicated and painful to stop because it’ll enhance the illusion that you’re making a sacrifice. You can’t treat poison with poison. Get through your head that by going on a porn diet, you will keep the cravings alive and constantly suffer and end up very confused. You can’t heal a heroin addict by prescribing fewer doses of the substance that caused the very problem in the first place. 9- Never doubt your decision Get rid of all the porn content and cut all possible ways porn might appear in your life again. You were already a non-porn addict when you finished your last PMO’ing session. In fact, one of the best joys of being porn-free is not having to deal with it anymore. You have put an end to your own self-imposed slavery. 10- Once free, preserve your freedom You will soon recover your lost powers back but be on your guard not to get trapped again. If you ever think of having “Just one last sneak peek,” remember that there is no such thing, so the question you should ask yourself is: “Do I want to throw my great achievement into the dirt only to get back in the trap that I have fought so hard to break free from? a disgraced porn addict again, every day craving those perverse scenes ?” The answer is “No.” Why not? “Because I hated being a porn slave every day – that’s why I decided to better myself in the first place and become normal again.” It’s essential to remind yourself if you slack off and unconsciously drop off your guard. A little reminder every now and then works as a powerful inner suggestion and will do wonders.
