The dangers of "soul ties"

In “Unwanted” by Jay Stringer he writes about the “soul tie” - the emotional connection that is created or strengthened when two people are intimate with each other. Of course, God’s intention is for this to be formed between husband and wife. But, they are also formed not only in sex outside the context of marriage (whether affairs, one-night-stands, prostitution, etc.) but when we “look at a woman with lustful intent” (Matt 5:28), which I believe also includes fantasising without even looking.

In summary, PMO and any other means through which we entertain sex outside of its proper context form these soul ties and make unwanted sexual behavior with others (either real or in our fantasies) harder to escape.

Okay, Jesus doesn’t mention the formation of soul ties when he addresses lust on the sermon on the mount in Matthew 5. But if you consider at your porn use and fantasies, in particular the women you fantasise about the most, ask yourself… can you honestly say you don’t feel some form of affection or warm feeling inside when you think about them, even when you see or think about them outside of any sexual activity?

Because I struggle with a very particular fetish it’s hard for me to give an example that everyone would find relatable, though I do plan to go into more detail in my journal to help me unpack this. But I think this issue of soul ties is important enough to share more broadly, hence this thread. Anyway – I’m into women in “damsel in distress” bondage scenarios and when I see such a scene in a movie or on TV and indulge in MO it could lead me to form a stronger attraction to that actress overall (to some extent it still does but nowhere near as strong as it used to). I could see that actress in another movie outside of any form of bondage context and I will feel a certain affection knowing that she has experienced a scenario that enables me to get off. I have allowed the enemy to form a soul tie between her and myself.

Perhaps this is the same for you and sex scenes in TV and film? If you allow yourself to fantasise about someone who is not your spouse, regardless of whether you MO and even if the fantasy is purely mental and not on a screen, do you feel differently about them when you see or think about them afterwards? If so you are enabling the formation a soul tie, and breaking it will only get harder the more you strengthen it. When you watch P, you are not just watching or looking at images, you are binding your heart to a real or even fictional person, whether you are aware of it or not.

When God issues a command it is not just to honour Him or others (in this case our spouses and the objects of our fantasies), but it is for our benefit also. When Christ warns us against looking at someone with lustful intent, I believe He is not only keeping us from any form of adultery, but also protecting us from the emotional pain of forming soul ties that will be difficult to break.

 

I don't think the book meant it in this way at all and it's not how I'm trying to describe it. In my journal Tao commented that it's really another way of saying that when we give in to our desires its as though we are joining our flesh with somebody other than our wife. I actually heard that the word we translate as "soul" originally referred to both the body and the flesh as one - every aspect of the living being both spiritual and physical covered by a single noun. The contemporary meaning has become confused to refer to just the non-physical aspect.

But anyway, this is all semantics. On reflection perhaps "soul" is a poor choice of word for what I was getting at, and you are correct in that we are created as creatures designed for heaven, but we (and not "ties" beyond our control) choose the path of sin. I chose to deny my soul its rightful place in heaven until I one day accepted Jesus to secure that place again.

I am certainly not trying to shift the blame for my lust onto the existence of these "ties" or whatever we call them. It's my fault mine are there - I chose to give into sin, and each time I surrender to the flesh it is as though I am joining it to every woman I fantasise about. I was also unknowingly allowing myself to become emotionally attached to the women I fantasised about, especially those I lusted over the most. And given that sex is intended to be an emotional experience as well as a physical one, it's no surprise. The emotional connections we form make it harder for us to tear ourselves away. But we are responsible for letting this happen.