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I think my inner child is wounded..

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by fumaruu, Apr 21, 2022.

  1. Apr 21, 2022 #1
    fumaruu

    fumaruu Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    so I have posted many times about this topic so this time I will keep it short.

    I’m 24 now. I remember when I was in Kindergarten I was exposed to a real life „scene“ in which I saw m fat kindergarten teacher sit on a kid that was acting up. The act of having someone heavier sit on you is called squashing, and this has been my life ever since. Started with BBW, went to extreme SSBBW squashing porn, then gay fat men squashing, by this time I was allowing my bigger male friends pin me down and sit on me, little did. they know that it was sexual for me. Yeah all the gay fetish porn led me to join gay sites to get that extra dopamine hit, and eventually made me question my Sexuality.

    i never doubted my orientation until last year. I have been suicidal, anxious and depressed but I feel better now because I don’t give a fuck I want to marry a woman and have kids that’s it. But I relapse many times to this fetish porn. „ peeking“.. all the time. I’m not attracted to any fat men or women, it’s just the squashing act that’s interesting to me. But I want to let go of this. I want to heal my inner child because this is not who I am. I want to let go of the past and begin a new chapter in my life. I want to start dating woman and get into a serious relationship. But I don’t know if I will be able to perform in bed because this fetish is the only thing that’s exciting to me. And that also makes me feel sad and down. I want tl love a woman. Because this fetish does not define me. Like wtf is that even? lol

    Thanks for reading. What do you guys suggest? How should I approach this?
     
    fumaruu, Apr 21, 2022
    fumaruu, Apr 21, 2022
    #1
    Fantareality likes this.
  2. Apr 21, 2022 #2
    Ksenia

    Ksenia Fapstronaut

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    If you are confident that your paraphilia is caused by particular childhood trauma then EMDR treatment is warranted here. There is a chance that it can change your pattern of sexual arousal. If EMDR doesn't change your pattern of sexual arousal then it is possible to work with sex therapist who can help to integrate your fetish into "normal" sexuality. I think that Klaus Beier developed syndyastic sexual therapy for guys with sexual dysfunction and paraphilias. Also there is a possibility of adaptation of asexual (or graysexual) identity and dating asexuals girls and girls with specific fetish who are not into sex. Good psychologist can help you to adopt new identity which will be the most comfortable for you. If you feel depressed then general psychiatrist can help you on every stage of your journey.
     
    Ksenia, Apr 21, 2022
    Ksenia, Apr 21, 2022
    #2
    fumaruu likes this.
  3. Apr 21, 2022 #3
    fumaruu

    fumaruu Fapstronaut

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    thanks for your reply. It’s time to go out there and explore real intimacy with women. I’m so tired of this BS fetish
     
    fumaruu, Apr 21, 2022
    fumaruu, Apr 21, 2022
    #3
    Fantareality likes this.
  4. Apr 21, 2022 #4
    Mazda647

    Mazda647 Fapstronaut

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    Hi @fumaruu

    I can offer no specific remedy but what I can do is you seem to be aware you have a problem and this awareness is an important step in recovering form it. At the end of the day does it really matter what porn you succumb to? We can analyze the past until we are dead. Sooner or later it's best to let the past stay where it belongs. Acknowledge the past and live where we belong in the present.
     
    Mazda647, Apr 21, 2022
    Mazda647, Apr 21, 2022
    #4
    fumaruu likes this.
  5. Apr 21, 2022 #5
    fumaruu

    fumaruu Fapstronaut

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    beautiful answer. I used to be depressive, suicidal, had severe hocd and thought my life was over. Felt like I failed everyone. I still fight my P addiction, which was influenced by my „trauma“ I was exposed to in kindergarten. Eventuell i said fuck this. No matter what my brain ( for now ) finds sexually stimulating, I do not care and won’t let it dictate my life. I look forward for a GF, marriage and having kids. Enough Is enough. We all deserve a happy life. Let’s not allow our porn or trauma influenced brain tell us who we are!!
     
    fumaruu, Apr 21, 2022
    fumaruu, Apr 21, 2022
    #5
    Kirill89, Fantareality and Buddhabro2.0 like this.
  6. Apr 22, 2022 #6
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    When i was a child, one day i see, two of my cousins are somewhat naked and they are juat playing with each other.( they both just some what elder than me but still they are kids with innoscence ) there is nothing wrong in what they do that time. But i on the other hand seeing that i had a thought or attracted towards that deed of them. I then think about this and do prone masturbation. Then that day onwards i started fap and it became a part of my life. Around 20 years that fap remained in my life. ( upto recently ).

    So i also have a same story as a child and my life get fucked. From that day onwards my life get fucked again and again.
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 22, 2022
    Deleted Account, Apr 22, 2022
    #6
    fumaruu likes this.
  7. Apr 22, 2022 #7
    fumaruu

    fumaruu Fapstronaut

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    I know it’s easier said than done but move on bro. You’re aware, from now on it can only get better
     
    fumaruu, Apr 22, 2022
    fumaruu, Apr 22, 2022
    #7
    Dr. Life rebuilder likes this.

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