Different kind of flat lines

I do have lack of desire it's my 19 day

 

Usually when I flatline I have no erections and no desire for sex, it always goes together. And I usually end up relapsing because my stupid brain want to be sure that everything works fine so I watch P and end up MO.

 

For the first 3 months nothing could get any sort of excitement, even real life achievements. I didn't look for P, didn't want to and if I saw something that could be considered P or a sub, sex scene in movie, it just didn't register as such.
Its slowly coming back trough, but at a very low level.
On the physical level things are still the same, eg life less, only sometimes in my sleep.
To be honest, I kind of liked how P or sex just didn't affect me.
It felt cleaner in the mind, like turning off some kind of humming noise that's always there.
It just sucks everything else also loses meaning, why can't it be just one part.