Anti-Sissy Reprogramming

My vice is cross dressing, I especially adore nylon pantyhose and I genuinely envy women because they are being allowed to wear them.

This was always an issue for me, way before porn. But now due to porn, I got into sissy porn, because in a sense, I see it as an "extension" of my already "natural" cross dressing fetish.

I feel the need to suppress my "feminine side" (my cross dressing fetish). But I don't know how to do that

What would some things be i could do to become the ultimate "anti-sissy"?

Definitely raising my T levels and going to the gym, trying to build muscle mass and become "a beast" as you might call it.

Other ideas would be to get into extreme heavy metal and tough sports.

Any other suggestions?

 

A therapist would only encourage me to actually cross dress (I don't do it, as I don't live on my own and don't have my own money). So no, thanks. I want to eradicate this fetish. It's not easy because ever since I was a child I liked the idea of wearing pantyhose.

If not doing manly things would help me, then what?

 

Sounds stupid, but wearing a pantyhose (and in general cross dressing) "makes me feel secure". It's like being under a blanket all the time, as it's some material which tightly surrounds your legs

 

I think I'm going to try out some sort of self-hypnosis. I'm gonna imagine that some bald muscular Navy Seal guy with sunglasses is chasing down my sissy self, and trying to eradicate it over and over again. Ideally while I'm listening to some Bestial Black Metal (like "Blasphemy" or "Beherit").

This part of myself needs to finally go. It's a demon of the past and present. I hate it with every cell of my body, because it makes me like something which would others make hate me. It's not even a disgusting fetish I have, it's just a disappointing fetish I have. You don't expect a grown man to dress like a sissy with all the tight clothes just because he has a need to feel "secure". Hell, ejaculating itself is a manifestation of feeling secure for me, so if I'd cross dress and ejaculate while doing that, I'd feel ultra secure. Like "everything is OK"

BUT THAT'S BULLSHIT!

 

But why do you feel that I need a therapist in the first place?

 

No sissy listens to this kind of music! Gives me goosebumps, I feel like Testosterone is injected into my body

 

Next step: Building muscle mass.

There are no bulky sissies. Also, more muscles = more testosterone. Also, working out gives you confidence and other good hormones.

I now just need to make a plan, what to eat, how often to workout. It should be intense, but not too intense so I won't be in great pain. Right now, I'm a relatively unfit person

CHASING DOWN THE SISSY AND DESTROYING IT

 

I already know the true cause of my addiction. Low self esteem. I couldn't physically defend myself, and because women don't need to defend themselves because the men defend the women, I feel the most secure when cross dressing (and PMO while cross dressing makes me feel ultra secure).

So that's why I need a kick in the ass, need to bulk up, learn how to defend myself, and be a ruthless motherfucker who eats nails with milk for breakfast

 

Please give me a link to your journal. I can't find it anywhere

I just never feel secure, and cross dressing especially pantyhose makes me feel secure, also combined with PMO it just makes me feel ultra secure.

I'm always afraid that I could be attacked. It can be on the bus, train, walk to university. What if I meet someone who will attack me, whether physically or psychologicaly? Sometimes I even go with a "ready fist" because I'm suspecting several people to attack me, so I'm very often in stress mode.

I'm just taking the saying "The world is a scary place" quite literally. And that's why I'm creating my own PMO-sissy world where I can feel safe, it's like my safe space, without all of that, i feel lost in this world.

 

Maybe I should look at it the other way: I am attracted to cross dressing and such stuff. Alright. But the problem here may not be the attraction, but because I use these fetishes to espace reality?

It seems that I'm in general a highly anxious person, like with GAD. And whenever my anxiety is very high, my urges also become very high.

You can't have anxiety if you live in the present, so basically those fetishes are kind of like video games, they provide you an escape from reality. For some time, you can forget about all your worries, and even pretend to be another person.

It's just an unhealthy way to deal with GAD in the end, because it's just a temporary distraction.

So what I'd essentially need is a way to live in the present without any anxiety all the time. Weed is illegal where I live, so I guess meditation and awareness?

 

Difficult to describe actually. But just general typical life stress like having things to do, deadlines, someone not answering your mails, etc makes me get anxiety, because I feel overwhelmed very easily by anything. Things like taking a train on my own for example. Nothing in particular, did it a thousand times, but every time it feels as if it's my first time.