Hi all, I've decided to come on here to see if I can find some answers about my sexuality, which I've come to realise is more complicated than simply naming myself as a 25-year-old gay man. Recently, whilst dating guys I've found myself questioning whether I'm really sexually attracted to them. I think they're very attractive and I wouldn't say that's the issue here, but I have often found that I'm not really excited by sex. During sex I often feel dislocated and have to work hard in my imagination to get turned on. Often I have to imagine that we're in some kind of porn movie or fantasy to get off. As this happens everytime I date a guy I lose confidence in myself and it ends awkwardly with me suggesting that we could just be friends whilst feeling a little fustrated that the physical side isn't working. However, I do think about sex alot. I wouldn't say I have the highest libido - it goes up and down - but I do want sex and think about it frequently. Usually this means that I use porn, or gay dating apps like ****** and S***** to get myself off. I usually do this daily because it makes me feel attractive and wanted. I've been using porn since I was about 12 or 13 like this and now it feels like it's the only way I can be sexual. I have had some good sexual experiences in the past, but these are just 1 or 2 in many. I would really like to start a relationship and have good sex with another man, but these sexual difficulties have often made me lose confidence and back away from dating or the guys I've been dating. Sometimes I wonder if I'm asexual, but I don't think I would be so attracted to guys if I was and think about sex so much. What do you think this could be? I am just overthinking things?
in my opinion sex also means lying on the hammock with the person n watching the clouds, or just walking on the beach holding hands, or just lying naked in the bathtub. i would want to be with someone with whom i also have an emotional connect n enjoy the time i spend with. i'd want the date to have more laughs and nice moments than more hours spent touching each other.
Thanks for that. I don't know whether it's intrinsically me or that porn has given me a false impression of what sex is and is like. I've read that porn isn't sex and does represent it in the least. It's a fantasy. Perhaps I'm so wired to these fantasies I can't see it any other way.
Entirely this. I don't understand how people can have one night stands and non strings attached. Sure you get your D wet, great. But the emotional bond is much more powerful and rewarding. When I dream about a gf, I don't think about the sex often. I think about the cute couple stuff we could do. Walks together or restaurant dates etc. I realise that makes me sound very fedora wearing but it's true.
Ok so, I just started day 4. Pretty much a flatline, although with a few temptations to log into apps. I heard that if you're young you could need even longer than 90 days to recover?
"Guys in the early 20s aren’t regaining their erectile health as quickly as older guys. How can a 50-year-old get his mojo back quicker than a 20-something? The answer - even though older guys have been using porn a whole lot longer, they didn’t start on today’s Internet porn. Now, we know this is a key variable because the older guys didn’t start having sexual problems until after they got high-speed Internet. Now, today’s young teens start on high-speed Internet, when their brains are at their peak of dopamine production and neuroplasticity." - Gary Wilson, 'The Great Porn Experiment'
