When you go practically your entire life wired on this shit, the moment you try to go off it doesn't go the best.. What do you guys do when the urges get tough and you are alone? Do you have an emergency solution to when you're about to relapse?
I would say the relapse pattern and reason is different depending on where you are in recovery scale: (Time periods are approximate and can differ per person) Short term: days - couple of weeks: Relapsing here is usually caused by direct urges and "first stage" withdrawal symptoms, like insomnia, anxciety. Solution: Porn blockers, no internet or changing physical environment can help much. Medium term: weeks-couple of months: Here, depression, anxciety and feeling socially weird can be triggers, but also ironically feeling very good at the moment can cause relapse. I call it the dessert effect: "After a good meal you also want a good dessert." Beware of that. TYpical relapse trigger: "I just want to take a sneak peek", or "i can porn chat, instead of watching images and videos". Solution: This is the toughest to come by, but focusing on other hobbies and keeping busy with sports, yoga etc might help. Long term: months-couple of years: Here "boredom" is the largest risk. Or "I can look at light porn, since I have done so well so far". Solution: View boredom as something good, we humans shall get bored regularly, since it is a sign brain is resting. Have zero tolerans to porn, even things that triggers the similar dopamine rush (instagram, Tinder etc)
I get as far away from any access point as I can. Luckily, this is one problem you can actually physically run from.
It's a pretty tough habit to kill, that's for sure. The way I see it, if you are about to relapse it's already too late. You can remove yourself physically from the situation, distract yourself, etc. but these things won't always work and, in my experience, it's only a matter of time until you act on your urges. The alternative? Stop the urges from happening altogether! I know, it sounds dumb, but it can actually be done (for the most part, anyway). I'll tell you what worked well for me during my first days/weeks without porn. I realized how often I was thinking about porn and fantasizing about real girls in my day-to-day life, and how much this put me in a mood where I was prone to relapse. So what I did is I got into the habit of stopping these thoughts the moment I noticed them. Urges rarely come suddenly, you see. They start with a small thought, which you then entertain and entertain, until you can't think of anything else and not acting on it feels almost impossible. Stop those thoughts. Don't entertain them. Move on to something else. Kill your urges before they grow into something you can't control. That's my advice
Thank you, that's some great advice - I'll have to reflect on these things more. I'm considering disabling my internet perhaps, did it work well for you? I can barely make it past a couple days at the current status I'm at.
I don't think it can be killed, but perhaps worked with. I will try the technique, I really appreciate the advice!
I’ve went a pretty long time without giving into those urges so I will share a couple things that helped for me. Before I start, you have to genuinely be willing to quit and be better or what I’m saying will provide no value to you at all. You must be burning out every day, physically working out whether it be in the gym, push-ups and calisthenics at home or elsewhere, going to work/dedicating hours a day to your purpose and true passions, and cultivating hobbies in your spare time. A man shouldn’t have more than a few hours of free time a day where he is just idle if it is not spending time with his family, pondering in thoughts on becoming better, or ways to make the world around him better. It’s always good to have rest days but even then transmute the physical energy into mental ajd spiritual work. This has helped me go for so long on my journey of Semen Retention and if you try little buddy little to use the steps provided you surely will too, 100%
