I have started on the journey of NoFap PMO hard mode almost 2 months back and the level of changes that this brought in me has been incredible so far. I can see the real possibility of having hobbies outside of work, social life, reliable friends, girlfriend and even find my purpose. During the past two months, I have taken up new hobbies like reading self-help books, going to meetup events, bars, hiking. I continued writing my journal, going to the gym about 3 times per week on average and in making my needs a priority. Reading self-help books and just observing my behaviors more closely helped me identify the problems like being nice, needy, approval seeking, social anxiety, approaching girls. Two best books that influenced me a lot on the journey so far are Your Brain on Porn and “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. I also read Dating Essentials for Men, and currently working on Bigger leaner stronger and Superior Men. One key idea that stood out from these readings is the need to embrace my masculine side. It is by leaning into my fears like rejection from women, lack of results at work and awkward social interactions my masculinity can be developed. I started working out in the last 2-3 months regularly, a huge part of achieving physical strength is mental strength. This is a realization happened to me only after reading BLS book. One of my biggest goals of this year’s “Future Authoring Goals” was to become physically stronger. Although there were ups and downs in the journey so far, But I am confident of achieving my goal. I started attending meetup events in the last one month and they helped me a lot in improving my social skills, physical activity. A huge part of becoming a Strong Masculine Man is to have Male friends who have developed a great masculine side. Playing sports is also a way to make friends with such guys. Most of my friends from school and college are nice guys like me, who fear social interaction and women. The challenges to the journey are habits like me staying in my bed for longer periods of time like 4-5 hours in a row, sleeping in the evening like a lazy dog, getting needy and desperate by touching strange girls skin in bars just for the sake of it and squeezing by dick like a woman to control my horny ness. I am going to remove habits like “day dreaming of sex in bed”, “squeezing by dick” from my life by getting better at scheduling the day using google calendar, personal journal and creating an enjoyable schedule. By developing healthy sleep habits, the “evening sleeps” can be removed to a large extent. Going to bars and interacting with girls made me realize how needy and desperate some of my actions, like touching a girl’s skin for no reason at dance bars. These kinds of actions don’t bring any pleasure to me and a huge red flag and turn off the girls. This is a serious issue and needs to be addressed ASAP. My goal for this year is simply becoming a “Masculine Man”. By leaning into my fears like gym, dating, social interactions and machine learning and pushing myself, the transition from a stupid, naïve, fearful boy to a confident, grounded, masculine man will be complete! For those of you who are reading this for inspiration and advice, please read the books “Your Brain on Porn” and “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. These books fundamentally changed the way I see myself.
The part about having better male friends got to me. I recently had to cut off ties to all my male friends. They were unsupportive of my self-improvement goals. I was constantly belittled, overlooked and when i was talking to women i was pushed to the background and then ignored. Their behavior was disgusting and i am glad they are out of my life. I dont think i will ever seek out any male friends after that.
Although It is a good idea to maintain a distance from both guys and girls who don't understand us. It is vital to have Male friends, with similar interests and ideas to become a Confident, Masculine Man we all want to be! So try to make new friends with guys who you admire and share common interests.
Thanks a lot! I made more progress in the last two months than I initially expected. But also realized that the journey a head is longer and arduous than planned. Reaching my physical fitness goals is probably the most challenging, because of a rather inactive lifestyle from childhood. For anyone who is starting their NoFap Hard mode journey, look no further than developing a daily 30 minutes simple workout routine!
I like your goal, for me it's also important to be strong, mentally and physically, be confident and feel enough on my skin. I'll add those first 2 books to my list. If you have another book recommendation, outside the scope of the topic, that you feel has been part of your life since you read it, about anything, feel free to suggest it, thanks
I still had not fully decided to read No More Mr. Nice Guy, but will definitely read it now after reading your post. Thanks for sharing and all the best on your journey.
Not the OP but I have been reading Atomic Habits by James Clear. It's an awesome book that breaks down the steps to building a sustainable habit. You might like that as well.
I gotta tell you you are in a very dangerous position right now. I whould highly recommend to chech this youtube Chanel and i men right fu..ing now ! Jkemezi Again, watch his chanel.
Thanks a lot for the likes and support to everyone. I have recently slipped and wrote a detailed account of learnings here. I am more determined than before to continue the journey with renewed spirit and great learnings!
You know I read an article that said in the past many boys had rites of passage to become men. This is yours!
@Dr.J_76ers, Appreciate your kind words. I want to find a deep connection with my Masculine side and grow it. I have read Superior Man, currently reading Iron John and Way of Man. Please feel free to suggest any books or activities on the subject of developing Masculinity.
There is this one YouTube guy named Hamza. I think some of his videos make a lot of sense. You can also read One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. It's a dark book, but it was really transformative for me.
It's been more than 1.5 months since my last post here and relapsed my from the journey I set to achieve. Looking back it feels very disappointing and even painful to have lost course. I will summarize all the situations that led to fap and why this is a relapse not a reset. My first reset was on 18th of last month, things were going fantastic for me and was planning on going to a local karaoke bar and sing. So the whole day till the evening was me just practicing the a song on the app. Little did I know that day what happens on this day will lead to a series of events in the next one month and take me on path to relapse. I left to the bar around 10 pm nervous about singing also convinced that I can do it. The place was has a dance floor and was told that they are not maintaining a proper list of singers. So I kind of hesitated and was just chilling around with a friend of mine. A relatively old lady was next to us and my friend joked that I should go and talk to her as she would be easy. So I went to her and she was quite easy, I danced with on the dance floor for a bit and got the feeling that she might be a hooker and left her. On my way to the car, I accidentally broke my car key and had to return home in cab. As I write this whole incident sounds a bit funny and stupid. But I was completed horrified and felt extremely ad about what happened that night. I was extremely anxious about the rental car key brokage, and that fact that I danced with a hooker. My go to response when I feel extremely anxious is to FAP. That's what I did and broke my nearly 70 days of NoFap. I considered this as a reset and a minor setback in my NoFap journey, the next incident was 12th of this month. I was in a small accident and my response after coming home is freaking out and my default response to situations of high amount of anxiety is FAP. I was upset next day and realized this is a big problem, handling anxiety under tough situations is something that needs greater care. I remember back in school me Fapping like a monkey before the exam night, as I wasn't sure if I will do well. The next three situations are last weekend, Monday and this weekend I have fapped out of boredom, while watching some romantic movie and sheer feeling of no feeling any Bonner's in some time and my mind telling me that something is wrong. This has led me to conclude that I have relapsed on my journey! I will get back on track this month by taking the following steps: 1) Hit Gym every morning for 30 min and evening for 30 min 2) Wake up at 7 am every weekday 3) Start writing the journal every day instead of back filling it at the end of the week. 4) Start using the dating app's to talk to girls and meeting them 5) Act on the 8 goals that I have created by following the Jordan Peterson's Future Authoring Program Reasons for Fapping: 1) Inability to deal with Anxiety 2) Boredom over weekends and sometimes even weekdays 3) Fears of not feeling Bonners 4) Out of touch with my personal goals due to Car purchase Solutions: 1) I will be continue reading books on dealing with anxiety and the general solution for dealing with anxiety about anything in life is just acting and stop to thinking about it. 2) My weekends need a better plan, I tend to sit for long time in bed this causes boredom, drowsiness, low spirits and eventually to porn and fapping. I will be creating a better plan for weekend and act on the pending items on my tasks list. Only If I can complete the previous ones, I feel the dopamine boost and take more action! So I will start with that 3) I was having great fears previous to last week as my last two fapping sessions were in bed due to huge amount of anxiety and didn't even feel a Bonner. This created lot of trouble in my head. As the past three fapping sessions had cleared that doubts as I had great Bonner's although wish last longer. So I will be taking these thoughts out of my head. 4) I tend to fixate on some goals and leave the rest of my life, this happened last month due to my goal of purchasing a car. I kind of neglected everything about my personal goals that is important to me like GYM, Dating etc. I will start acting on these again.
You'll get it dude, dont worry. I highly also reccomend "Atomic Habits" great book. Remember he says that One time is a mistake, a second break is a habit. So next time even if you break one time, just try to immediately get back on track, and the habit will stick. Another good thing he says is use your actions to build an identity. Try audiobooks!!!
Thanks a lot @Ajar for the book recommendation. I will check out the Atomic habits book. I love Audio books, it is after reading "Your Brain on Porn" Audio book, I realized the problem and started working on the NoFap program 4 months back.
read "The rational male" by Rollo Tomasi. This is almost like the talk every boy should've gotten from his dad. If there's only one book you read... that's the one
