We Must Be better. (Journal)

Day 02/01/2024

The day has been good, I have been focused then yesterday, but i think i need to do better. Self-reflection is important this year. Another thing that helps keeps growth in my mind is being better then yesterday. Have important exam coming up in almost a month later. Their is a lot to be done,sometimes it makes me anxious if i will be able to clear this or not. But i have to have faith in my self.

Anything related to fapping or Nofap was out of of my mind throughout the the day. I guess this is what they mean to keep yourself busy. Its great feeling to see all the tasks you see getting ticked off. I have some leftovers to do and i plan on finishing all by tommorow.

Okay Reflection time, What could I have done better -
1. Not snooze my alarm and get back to sleep. 10 AM is a shitty time to be up. Gotta aim early around 6.30 to 7. Have to get my body in tune so I am prepared for exams and such.
2. More activity - Although i wasnt feeling good, i should have completed the brisk walking start at least in the evening.
3. I have this weird habit of listening to youtube videos while doing work. Its like i always need to have something running in the background. Hmm, i see this habit isnt the best out their, decreases my efficiency by 50% its seems. Got to replace it by ambience.
4. My focus is better, but i need to get rid of the distraction i get in my thoughts, pomodoro seems to be my best bet here.
5. Include fruits in diet? Maybe, in evening i can eat them.

Tommorow will be another day, and i will work to get better. My motto this year is "I MUST BE BETTER THEN YESTERDAY".

Peace.
 
Date 03 and 04/01/2024.

"A man at war with himself places a deficit upon his focus. He is impatient, emotional, and easily surprised, A man at one with himself has a clearer mind, and sharper instincts. That man is ready to win. That man is ready to progress."

This resonated with me, as it shows one aspect of the struggle we are holding within. One part constantly pulls us in to do the easiest thing but the other part again struggles to give in. That is the tug of war-of our mind at the moment. That's the way it is, and it's going to be.

Today was a good day. Stuck to my list, finished off tasks, 1 remains and it can be done tomorrow. I am struggling a bit in getting up early in the morning part, to the point i would snooze my alarm in a sleep state, even if it's on the other side of the room. Maybe i am doing putting it too early, or just doing it out of habit. Gotta break the cycle then. I will try better tomorrow.

There did came thoughts of arousal or fetishes at some point today. Though I gave them no mind, they continued to be a nuisance but i managed to look past it and stay on the path. I was mostly busy today, later in the day, I did feel a bit, dunno what to call it, low? But i kinda talked myself out of it. I understood how better it is to self-talk and discipline myself to make sure the work is done. You have a plan, then see to it that it doesn't falter.

Tomorrow is another day. And the I will keep building myself as i have promised.

Peace!
 
Day 05/01/24.
Today was alright. Not that i was fighting lustful thoughts, but i failed to achieve 2 of the tasks that i set for myself. I have no one else to blame, the fault is mine. I need to do better. It was silly thing to waste time of reading something unsignificant.
I have some sort of schedule for upcoming 30days. It requires sticking to a schedule and studying well. An exam is almost nigh and i have gotta get this part. Today i was distracted yes, but it was a teaching. Wont happend tommorow.

Meditation sessions are going good, i am building consistency with that. Getting out for brisk walking is a good start. Its cold outside, but the discomfort is fun. Mostly checking my daily tasks on regular basis. Now that i have a schedule to look forward to, i can plan on double downing it.

As for the PMO struggles, I didnt have any, rarely crossed my mind. I prefer it that way. Here is to hoping things stays that way.
Peace.
 
Day 6 - 8th Jan 2024.

No lustful thoughts or something. Pretty clean through and through. Was gonna read some stuff that isn't exactly for children but it's not gonna help me either way so I passed on that. The YouTube algorithm occasionally finds a way to show me those thumbnails that I essentially consider triggering one way or another, or some spoilers to a game that I haven't played yet. Maybe it's time to cut down on the usage.
So the sleeping schedule correction is going badly and quite annoying tbh. can't seem to get my ass out of those comfortable warm sheets in this cold winter. Hell, I tend to snooze an alarm halfway across the room and then walk back to bed and go to sleep again. Guys any ideas from you will be definitely appreciated.

The plan hasn't changed, to be better than last year. Although I feel like I can do better, there is progress. And I will continue to do so. Thanks. Peace
 
Day 9th 2024.
Body temperature is low, i think i have found the root cause of all the issues healthwise my body is facing. Dunno after finding out i was feeling like shit. One of the things that irritates me and makes me angry is bad health. I hate being ill or down with any of the health issues. I must adopt better lifestyle changes. Hell i dont wanna end up relying on meds on daily basis.
Peace
 
Day 10 - 11th January.

The exam date nears. Today was complicated. I guess it wasn't long till I started to get some lustful ideas pushing towards the door that I had closed in my head. I expected it much. But i am ready to face them head-on.
It was preparation today, i still feel like i can do more of what I am doing and tomorrow I will start doing just that.
Have some stuff going on in the family. It makes me lose my shit sometimes and gives me another side of addiction that creates rifts in the family. Also, it makes me understand more the fact that I will not allow myself to turn to that level. I MUST BE BETTER.
For now, I guess there is just one thing to do until i am done with my current goal. 'CLOSE MY HEART TO IT'

Peace.
 
i am into the challenge and i am ready to REBOOT my health i am into the process of my spiritual growth and wellbeing
 
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