Depressed!!

This is going to sound harsh, but a first step is admitting to yourself, that you are not strong (neither am I), otherwise we wouldn't have fell into traps like pmo, or any sort of depressive behaviour, it hurts, but first have the honesty towards yourself of admitting that, THAT SAID, it doesn't mean you cannot become strong, that you cannot improve yourself for the better, as you will do. We are not perfect beings, we will trip, fall, get back up, dust ourselves off, and try again.

And for what you say, it is obvious to me that there are other aspect in your life that are a deeper troublesome root to your current mental condition, other than just pmo, pmo if anything is a escape route, a symptom.

 

Sorry if it came across as harsh, but I firmly believe self honesty, is the keystone to see your problems clearly, and hence, give them a solution.

Even when you trip and fall, you have done that after walking for some time in your way, four months are not insignificant, is not as if you have destroyed everything, you just had a moment of weakness, that happens to the best of us, out of four months were you demostrated endurance against the temptation of doing something that ultimately harms you, that's not something to be ashamed of, is something to learn from.

Why it happened? How was I feeling? and learn from it.

Sometimes the backslash one feels after slipping and breaking a streak, is not that much of a physical but a psychological backslash, don't be too hard with yourself.

You will make it, god bless you son.

 

You can become strong willed any time you choose, all the power is in the mind

 

It's probably too late unless you ditch your habits. People with access to high-speed internet and wealth in general seem to be more at risk to depression and suicide. So what can be done? Well, people aren't willing to rid themselves of these things. Sad reality.

 

I empathise and used to experience the same pattern and the same feelings. Maybe a change in perspective would help.

Rather than regarding each period of abstinence or a streak as an end in itself, view the entire process as a journey. It really is counterproductive to beat yourself up when you lose control of lust from time to time. It is more conducive to your ongoing recovery to consider any resets and relapses as a blip or a stumble. They are not fails, unless you go back to the bad old days and lock yourself away masturbating until your penis hurts and edging for hours to get a massive dopamine reward. Such a binge is damaging. Rather, PMO once fairly quickly and stop! One bad choice is not catastrophe! Take care.

I hope these ideas also help: The Rebooting Toolbox (Tips and Tricks) | NoFap®