replaced one addiction with another...

gaming is better than porn
it will help build your reflexes and then you can shift to sports get addicted to that

 

I have gaming problems every now and then. But ColdTurkeyBlocker helps with that.

 

You have a big problem. You're in the early reboot, which is the worst. You have to manage your time because there's the urgency of the course work. You have a relationship to manage, and your default systems are to avoid what you need to do in favor of self soothing.

You're absolutely correct in your assessment, you've correctly identified the problem. Take out porn, you have to switch to some other source of dopamine. I think gaming is better than porn. Your wife and your relationship are damaged by porn a lot more than they're damaged by gaming. You're still losing time, though, time you need to put into study, and it's still keeping you disconnected from your relationship.

Number one: you cannot eliminate the greatest sources of dopamine in your life, that is porn, gaming, and if I'm reading correctly, social media sites (if I'm not reading correctly, they should be on the list), without replacing them with other sources of dopamine. This is imperative. It's still going to be a massive struggle as your brain is slower to adapt than you'd want, in recognizing the new sources as the preferred ones. It will still want to default to porn, gaming, and social media, because those things are easy and above all familiar. You will have to consciously shift off of those and onto new sources, and it's going to be exhausting, but it will be worth it.

Number two: articulating the exact steps you need to take in your studying to your wife will not only communicate with her and help her understand your situation, it will be articulating to yourself and help you form a plan of study. Sometimes "finish the essay" is specific enough, sounds like lately it isn't. Step by step.

Number three: when you have the impulse to look at P, open a game site, or look at social media, you need to recognize that cue for what it is; "brain need know it doing right thing." Because these were/are sources of easy dopamine, your brain was hacked into subconsciously believing those were the things worth doing. Consciously you know they aren't. You need to consciously remind yourself that course work is worth while, it is what you need to be doing. Consciously reinforcing that belief, and acknowledging that you are currently being the best version of yourself, that alone might be the dopamine boost you need to stay on track.

Even doing all the right steps, it isn't easy and you're going to be miserable until your brain adjusts to the new normal, and that can take a lot of time. I'm sorry, I wish it was easier than it is.

And on a final note, impulsively using porn and gaming is a red flag for ADD. Just something to think about, as that can be helped through medication.

 

I didn't realise it but I replaced one addiction with another, only with me it was the other way round. I replaced smoking huge amounts of marijuana with live sex webcams which strange as it sounds I think is a worse addiction not least because it was costing me much more money. There is a natural limit on how much marijuana I could smoke even though it was a huge amount, stoned every waking moment, and therefore a limit on how much I could spend and I did have a big problem with it but managed to overcome it and stop but without knowing it became addicted to live sex webcams I didn't realise I was becoming addicted until I tried to stop, but with the webcams there didn't seem to be any limit, it seemed like the sky is the limit.

I have been using a timer for internet use and only using the internet for essential things like NoFap which I consider essential and I limit myself to how long I spend online. If you take this approach then it might help by not going onto unnecessary websites like gaming. Internet use is another addiction we unwittingly get sucked into without realising. Now I know I am watching out for anything that I think might become addictive. In short anything that brings any kind of pleasure through the senses or anything that brings any kind of short term relief from something. The last thing I want is to end up addicted to gambling or some other destructive thing. It might be worth reviewing your internet use and the pleasures you indulge in whatever they may be just to check on yourself and see where you are heading. I now know we have to be vigilant with everything. Good luck