Hey fellow men, Last week, I have written about my goal of becoming a better small talker in my thread: Speaking more than just the necessary with waiters, cashiers, or anybody who seems approachable. I got inspired to create my personal Small Talk Challenge by the cold approach challenge In the past, I did a lot of cold approaches. However, the problem with pick-up is, that you just learn to overcome your shyness when it is about finding a sexual partner. When I got a girlfriend 3 years ago, I stopped approaching. Therefore, I didn't practice my approach skills, and eventually, I lost them. In contrast, non-sexual small talk is something you can do your whole life. Plus, you can easily use those skills to approach a woman, if you are searching for one. Some other benefits: - Getting out of comfort zone - Recharging social energy - Making new connections - or making money. I have a friend who is a freelancer. He got tons of clients, just by talking to a lot of people on the street. E.g. he shared a taxi with a guy he met at the airport. Later, this guy became one of his clients. So, let's start this challenge! I will use this thread to post about my small talk progress here. Feel free to write about your experiences as well!
That's cool. I've learned from putting myself out there that people are friendly, but they don't want to be the one to break the ice. It makes you more likeable to them because you showed yourself first that you have the courage take control of the situation. I heard somewhere that one of the tricks to being likable to be people is to show that 'you' like 'them' first. Even the scariest faces brighten up when you just say, "Hey I'm Joe, what's your name?" "Are from around here?" etc.
Being likeable is a nice quality. It's always nice to meet someone who you just instantly get a good vibe from. It's a shame that just being able to strike up conversations doesn't come naturally to everyone. I think if everyone had that inate ability to just talk to anyone, it would save a lot of people from feeling lonely or isolated. Great point about trying to move outside our comfort zones though. I guess that's something we can only control as individuals, but certainly goes a long way to being able to overcome what could be quite challenging scenarios for a lot of people. However, I think actively listening is more key. Showing people they are genuinely being acknowledged and heard shows they are valued. Ask questions based on what they say etc and give them time to talk about things from their perspective.
Quick update after one week. I mainly tried doing small talk with waiters and waitresses at coffee shops What I noticed: Service people enjoy having a conversation (it makes their work more fun). And I totally agree with Gemini9005: Active listening is key in every conversation. However, first, it's important to actually get into a conversation. On Saturday, I went for a hike through a forest nearby. During the hike, a guy approached me and asked me how much further the hike is going. This is actually a good opener. I will use it on my next hike for sure!
i will try this out at school, approaching people more than usual, maybe ask them about some general thing that's happening and start a conversation from there
I have a problem making small talk specially with girls. I can easily manage to get comfy with boys but with girls i cant come up with any topic to discuss. Any suggestions ?
Small talk is small talk regardless of boys or girls, in my experience. First principle of all social norms is respect, reverence for the person. Just be interested in them and ask them about their life, their likes, their work, their education, their family, their plans for the weekend, etc. Can't speak for everyone. Personally, with women, I try to approach them as I would treat my sister or my niece. But that's just me.
