Hey all, I've been trying for some time now to keep a consistent no-porn streak going but I always seem to fail within the first week or so. I've tried to block all porn sites on my computer and phone but I end up finding loopholes to watch porn anyway. I need to control my urges from within but just can't seem to do it. Any advice would be great.
I think it's out of boredom. I have a girlfriend and so I always feel really guilty when I PMO. My goal with nofap is to better discipline myself and stay true to my relationship with her.
Boredom as an emotion usually works a mask for a more deeper emotion - anger. Any idea why you first started PMO - do you think it was down to boredom also? I don't want to pry so don't feel you need to answer.
Yea, boredom from my life at the current moment. I'm finishing up grad school right now and there are lots of gaps in my schedule where there isn't much to do. Most of my friends have moved away for jobs and I'm still finishing up school, so I can't really hang out with them. PMO seems to be a crutch I use when I'm just bored with my life and can't find anything better to do.
As someone who has been through something similar, I think it could be something deeper than boredom in my opinion. While I don't know you personally, boredom sounds like the surface level emotion. The reality is that there are 1001 things that you could do instead of PMO in that moment to not be bored. But also I think its impressive to be in grad school and have the desire to be so disciplined, I did not realise what was occurring into I was in my 30s.
Thank you for your support! I think it could also be that I'm not really deriving a lot of enjoyment from my school work recently so I'm trying to keep myself engaged in other ways. Obviously PMO is not healthy and I need to stop relying on it, what other things do you think I could do to keep myself preoccupied? I go to the gym regularly and play a musical instrument occasionally, but I'm not sure of what else to try.
I do both of those activities and they do help. A question from me - do you feel as though you have lost the passion or 'zest' for your usual activities? Have you found that activities that you used to enjoy, you no longer enjoy as much as you used to? Or is this not the case at all?
I still enjoy working out and I enjoy playing my instrument when I'm together with my classmates. But in the moments when I'm alone I'm at a loss as to what else to do, then I have urges to PMO. If I could find something else I'm passionate about to keep me interested I think it would help me avoid relapsing.
So I think the best thing you can do is start trying new and different things. At 34 I wish I did exactly this when I was in grad school! However what you have to understand is you need to gain a better understanding of why exactly you are turning to masturbation. The best (and hardest) way to find out is: in the moment when you get the urge to PMO, don't. Sit down in one spot (for as long as you can) and try and catch the feeling you get before you actually PMO. Is it just boredom? Is it anxiety? Restlessness? Frustration? The longer you can sit without PMO, the more likely the true feelings will arise for you to address them and understand what's going on. The reality is, having other hobbies to turn to is good, but it will also be turning you away from addressing the real issue, which is whatever lies below your current boredom. If you can address the underlying issue first, the urge to PMO will diminish. Alternatively, dig deep into yourself and find new hobbies to keep you going. Below is a list 1000 potential hobbies to get started with: https://www.boredombusted.com/definitive-list-of-hobbies-interests/
I was listening to a podcast today that explained the neurological effects of porn addiction and how similar it is to drug addiction. Like a drug, you need more and more and more in order to get the dopamine and oxytocin hit, so it’s technically much more satisfying to go 1 week and get that hit, that certainly makes it challenging but not impossible. You need to make sure that you burn it in your brain that there is no hit in the first place. The times where I made it months of NoFap and no pornography, I had it in my mind that it wasn’t even an option. You can’t 100% control what thoughts you have, but you can control what you do with those thoughts. When the thought arrives, immediately refocus on something else, maybe think about your partner and how much she means to you, how much you’d do for her.
Wow, thank you all so much for the comments and help! I'll do my best to follow these pieces of advice; I felt very alone in this fight before but now I feel so much better knowing that I can rely on this community for support and guidance!
You are honestly not alone - there are legions of people in the same situation as you, and by the sound of things you're heading in the right direction!
