Is tracking your streak actually hindering your progress?

Indeed. And it's so liberating to not WAIT for something that you think will happen after 30, 60, 90 days, etc. If I don't track days, I am looking forward to NOTHING! And this is so powerful. I simply don't want to do this. I run away from anything that can lead to porn the way I would run away from excrement. It's my natural reaction because I really don't want to do this anymore.

People use streaks to feel satisfied with their progress. Why not use the number you had to overcome urges instead?

Overcoming an urge is really something else! There's no better satisfaction after it goes away. You feel like a survivor.

The even greater thing about this is that when you stop counting victories, the urges have stopped. Or more accurately, the period between them has widened and they have become weaker. Which is great!

 

You are 100 percent right. I never thought about this way. But this is a really strong mindset. We have to run away from Porn. We don’t walk to a goal. We have to be happy that we survived PMO.

 

That's right! Also, it's quite funny how during the time of the urge, that self that wants to watch porn is trying to convince you that he will NEVER stop pestering you (persistent flashbacks, anxiety, thoughts that make you think you're a really bad person for wanting to watch this stuff, etc.). Which is a huge lie!

Depending on your addiction, however, it can even take hours to overcome the urge and relax. But it will stop at some point, even though there might be a next one just around the corner. It's so weird that we actually give up because we subconsciously falsely acknowledge this feeling can only go away with porn.

And I have noticed how overcoming the most intense urge will help you build a habit of not caring too much about the following ones. You have overcome and don't believe the lie anymore. It's like that self that wants to watch porn knows that you're not a "convincible" guy anymore and won't try as hard anymore.

When you never tried to face him before, he's like "let's do something really fun; let's watch porn! Why are you doing this anyway?". After some time he's more like "hey, let's watch porn" and you're like "no".

In the long term, he's like "that's an interesting YouTube short and there's nothing sexual about it; just a woman in a bikini getting pranked. Can we watch it?". And you're like "Nope. I know where this is going.".

Never negotiate with terrorists, brothers! haha

 

Your advices are gold!

 

Thanks, brother! Really appreciate it.

 

Hi, I'll too join the discussion! Those are some quick ideas I'm really happy to discuss, I'm not too confident in them.

I very strongly agree that believing that 30/90/... days will fix you and gamifying the whole recovery process is bad. I believe that abstinence is not recovery. Porn addiction is not the cause of my shitty life, its just a symptom. Truly solving the cause has more to do with learning how to handle my life and injecting it with more love to others and myself. Truly solving the cause would be forgetting the counter and not attaching your self-worth to it - because you are already okay.

That being said, I do think counting the time you've been clean has its usefulness. What is its purpose? For me is to tell me my progress in recovery. And it does exactly that. Spreadsheets and looking at the full picture is obviously better than obsessing over a single number. But even just the counter, i think we use it because it works. If you have a high number, you're probably good, you're taking care of yourself. Low number means you're struggling, your recovery is missing something and life sends you back to the drawing board. Relapse is an ultimate check, it's life checking what cards you have. It's hard to handle the struggle sometimes, but the counter tells you the truth. Yes, it adds pressure but I believe that if I can't handle the counter pressure, some other pressure will break me later anyways.

Secondly, I think its useful because others in a glance can say how advanced you are in your recovery journey. It inspires them and makes them trust you. Someone here said that AA people don't count days, maybe true. I've been to a few SA meetings in two countries and they do usually share how long they've been clean when they introduce themselves (not necessarily in days, often in years). I think it's useful.

PS: I love your idea @NewPaths about counting the wins rather than failures and I'm implementing a version of your PATH myself. But I think counting those wins is measuring a new habit you're building rather than your overall recovery.

Thank you all for making this community!

 

Just wanted to take a moment and point out that it's rare to find this perspective in nofappers. That's the most useful perspective and it communicates volumes to me. I just wish more people would acknowledge what you said as it's the only way to actually gain the power to stop watching porn in the long term without relapsing every now and then.

 

The longest I went was about 9 months. I say "about" because I wasn't actually counting it.

Since I started counting, I was much more able to notice particular moments and cycles. This goes for the short days as well as the longer. For instance, early on I would relapse every 7-10 days, then I'd get over the 7-10 day hump and hit a wall about 12-15. The last time I relapsed was about 50 days ago. And this week I have felt temptations in stronger ways than the previous 20 days.

There's two possible reasons.
1 - I'm getting tired and long-term sobriety seems boring/unachievable/hard work.
2 - it's a self-fulfilling prophesy. By relapsing at this point my body is now almost craving it.

Probably a mix of the two. I wasn't actively thinking about my day count until this week when I started feeling these pulls and having to check-in with others pretty much daily. However, remembering the last day-count at the time of relapse gives me encouragement. Although I felt it before, I can now push through. Especially since the feelings are the same as the early day count relapses.

I do celebrate the wins. I'm gonna have a beer on day 50. For sure. Day 100 I will arrange a nice take-out (we'll have a baby by then) or something to celebrate with my wife. I should celebrate the small wins though. I like that.

 

Good idea, but I wouldn't give up on tracking. For me, a single number 1 shown in day counter is already a big motivation to continue.
Although, your idea is good to show us that de tracker is not everything when we talk about measuring improvement and to not get sad and fall on binge faping.

 

So, how should I count the exceeded impulses?
Would it just be writing down the day I overcame that urge?

 

I think it does hinder, because you obsess over the issue and it’s always at the front of your mind. You need to have a system and follow it, pushing porn and that baggage to the rear view mirror when you don’t even think of it.

 

Up.

It must be a year and a half since my last PMO, don't know how much exactly.
Looking back in all honesty, in the back of my mind counting the days only served to quantify how amazing it would feel to watch porn again:

- 10 days? That might be good, but wait. Now, 20 days? That could be awesome, let's check it out!...

...and... relapse.

If having a counter works for you, great.
But if you're stuck in an endless cycle of relapses, try the approach in this thread.

 

Interesting take on that. I don't have a strong opinion anymore as I have found that counting and no counting have served me well in different ways. Not counting after months may be the way to go for sure. But in the short term, thinking I would be breaking a 40 or 50 day streak and starting counting from 0 again gives me pause during urges. My mind never uses the streak as a way to tempt me. Actually, I use it as way to add an extra layer of protection.

So, yeah, YMMV and it's best to stick to what works for you best. But you'll have to consider how you feel after a month or two to see why streaks tempt you. Do you feel any pressure down there? Are you obsessed with sex or porn; do you find yourself thinking about them regularly? That could be the real reason a streak is used as a weapon against you and not the other way around.

 

Using streaks as an extra layer of protection makes sense, @DesertExplorer

Can you expand on this?:

The addicted part of my brain was using the data of how many days it had been since my last relapse as fuel to make urges stronger, but I also guess that, in my case, just counting the streak meant in a twisted way that it would end someday:

I didn't want to go back to PMO, and counting every mile that separated me from it had a kind of nostalgic feel. It kept that place powerfully present in my life, as if I had tied a string there and to myself. The only question was how far the rope could be strechted to push me back there.

Letting go of that felt liberating but also a little scary. Like sending myself the message that this time I meant it.

 

Yes, I know what you mean. I was actually advocating against the use of counting days a few months back right here in this forum. I realized that not counting sent a very strong signal to my brain that this part of my life is gone. Counting days can definitely mess up your mind; it can send a signal that you are just experimenting and you can go back to PMO whenever you want.

I actually don't keep a streak anymore. However, I am able to know approximately how many weeks have passed every time I get urges. And this has been helpful. Sorry about my first post; it was late and couldn't tell the difference between counting your streak and approximately knowing how long you have been clean. lol

So maybe not writing down the streak is not a good option, but knowing how long you have been "clean" is. This way, you have the best of both worlds. You don't count anymore so you kinda forget that porn even exists after a while and you can recall how much time has passed when you want to know the "cost" of resetting your counter.

Counting days is a very powerful reminder of what you're trying to avoid. The point is to forget about the world of pornography. Those who are persistent enough will learn that this is an extra step they have to take.