What do you want to be?

As I stand here feet first into a new day, I already feel my energy sapped. I look in the mirror and dress myself. I don’t even know who I am yet so I just stand there. Those thoughts repeating in my mind as if someone were right beside me. That voice that makes you look, forces you back into reality. Once the haze of vice wears off, once the rush of desire burns down. It is only when we are left with ourselves do we recognize our mistakes. If I’m decided based on my actions, well I’ve got a lot to make up for. Even thoughts I shouldn’t have gave focus too, any awful thought toward someone I care for. That all means something, it’s real easy to hide behind life being this random series of events. To throw your hands up and say “not me” if we don’t like religion doing that, I don’t care for an atheist to drag me into nothingness. I shall not worship a man in robes, nor the man standing there in a suit extending his hand with one behind his back. It’s pretty sad to think how so many are just resigned to whatever they are told. I am no different as I fight myself each and everyday as most do here. We feel such discomfort with life, running to vice to escape. For many it’s a wave they get sucked into, bobbing for air, for another breath of life. You swear once you make it to shore you will never set foot near it again. Before you know it, the current has you, your head is sucked under and nobody knows where to grab. Hopeless, doomed, a walking hazard to those still fighting everyday. You should be sickened by what you see, you should be jumpy and paranoid to these lead weights in human form. They will take you down, your friend, your own blood even can take you down even quicker. If you lose hope you might as well stop fighting and surrender to the beast. I hope immortality becomes real so you can sit with your suffering until the end of time. For me, once I lose all sense of myself, I’ll take myself out as I recommend to everyone here. If you keep talking about suicide, edging it on until you get a reaction from someone. I won’t give one, you just use that as a defense. If you really wished it to be you would have committed. It is not my time so even if today feels awful, I have to keep going. Even if I’m spit on, pushed to the ground, I must dust myself off and keep coming. I hope we are all together in death. We all can return to the earth and never have to suffer again. But if you think there needs to be more, or you shall turn on your humanity. Watch yourself lose everything, and not a single person sheds a single tear. Think carefully about who you are today, to never pull that trigger without knowing where it’s going. Stay strong