Hello, I am Scott, I don’t really know how to make a post like this. It scares me greatly purely because of the extent of my addiction. I started when I was about 12, I’m now 23. I’m improving my life gradually, I actually love self improvement and being the best version of myself. I went into the army last year and finally came back home this year, I work out, I read, I have a good relationship with family and friends, I am a normal ordinary guy with a great affinity for kindness and being good hearted, but underneath it all I am truly evil, and I regret, I feel so ashamed. My addiction has gone to the point of no return, I’ve viewed some of the most vile and disgusting things that you could on the internet and I’m scared that if I don’t stop now I will ruin my life, my freedom. I’m sure you can assume what I am speaking about, I don’t want to blatantly say it not only for incrimination but for the sheer shame I feel. I hope that being here, getting active in the community, truly changing myself. Can help me get better, it may already be too late, but if it’s not, I hope I can get help.
Hello Scott and welcome. I have to say, if you’re truly evil then you’re doing a horrible job at it with loving your family, friends, and having an affinity for kindness and being good hearted. Most people who’ve embraced evil don’t feel any remorse nor do they care about such things as having a good heart or being kind. Maybe instead of calling yourself evil, you can view yourself as being wounded?
It’s never too late. You can get better. Almost everyone here tries to keep this forum a judgement-free zone. To begin with you might start by setting some goals and making a plan. You can find a lot of support here. All the best!
Hello Scott. Try considering the following two quotes from Bob Gardener, someone who has freed himself from porn "addiction": "There is no such thing as addiction. What if "relapse" is the deliberate attempt to experience life a little bit better ? "What we are after when we go into any compulsive behavior is more life."
