Striptease Bar Addiction - I waste money on them

You may not struggle with watching porn, but in the end, for us addicts, it all boils down to an addiction to lust. I visited several strip clubs way back when and it was all lust. You need to do the same thing all addicts need to do: work your own program of recovery from lust addiction. The best way to do that, in my opinion, is to join a local 12 step Sexaholics Anonymous program, get a sponsor there, and get into some CSAT therapy.

 

Sound advice from @Joe1023. This is certainly a viable way to get sober and stay stopped. I, myself, am a product of 12 step membership and therapy.

 

My addiction to strip clubs was similar to yours. Initially I did not go weekly, maybe once a month or once every 2 months. Then I met this one girl there and she was drop dead gorgeous. I still remember the first time I met her, she convinced me to go back to the VIP room for an hour which was $500, more then i ever spent at a strip club. While back there she told me if i came back next week for another VIP she would give me her phone number. Needless to say I fell hard into her web of manipulating guys and went back the next week, spent another $500, got her number, gave her mine, and was back again the 3rd week in a row and spent another $500. At the time I didn't care because i was convinced we were going to start dating soon. I was also still living at home with my mom so I had the money to spend. Long story short, I never got to date her and had to tell her to stop texting me if the only reason she is texting me is to come visit her at the club. Never heard from her again after that.

The point of sharing my experience with you is to show the girls there are all about manipulating guys for their money. I'm guessing if you go every week there are a few that recognize you and work you for your money. You need to keep that in mind, they only care about your money and not you. And if it's impacting you financially you really need to find a way to give up the strip club. Over the years I have grown conservative with my money and always looking to save more. One thing i would try is figure out approximately how much you have spent on strip clubs. If you're spending $200 and going weekly, that's about $800 for the month, and 6 months is $4800 but knowing how those girls work it's probably more like well over $5000 that you have spent there. Put post it notes all around your home with that dollar amount. Put it on the refrigerator, put it on the mirrors, put in on your computer. Keep seeing that number and think about what other good things you could have done with that money. I know for me seeing how much i have wasted on strippers would help shock me into the realization that it is a problem I need to stop.

I think the idea of a sex anonymous group is a good idea. I would also encourage you to find some hobbies or activities you can do to help avoid going to the strip club.

 

I'm sorry you went through that. Those women know exactly how to make you feel important, IF you're paying for it. But if you've paid, I'm sure that during that time, they make you feel indescribably amazing. But afterwards, the shame sets in.

They kinda remind me of used car salesmen and the carnies who offer you three ball throsw for 5 bucks, (except they're attractive women.) They care NOTHING for the patrons, they only want their money.

 

I look back on that experience and kind of glad I went through it. Yes I did waste money, but I'm thankful that at the time it was money I had and could afford to lose. I was not spending my mortgage on strippers or having to go without essentials because I wasted my money there. And if I ever think of going to a strip club again by myself I just think about the shame I would feel afterwards and it gives me the mindset to stay away.

Some thoughts for you:
1. Keep thinking about that $2500 when you think about going to a strip club. I don't know what a kayak would cost but I'm guessing for that amount of money you could go purchase yourself a good quality kayak.
2. Set a rule for yourself that you will no longer bring your credit card to the strip club and you will pay cash for everything. From your posting it sounds as if it would be a little difficult for you to have the cash to go to strip clubs, so if you don't have the cash you can't go.
3. Do you currently have a gym membership? If you don't then you should get one. Most gyms will have a rowing machine that you can use to help improve your muscles for kayaking. Plus you'll be able to workout and get in better shape overall.
4. I hope your case of Covid was not bad and you're recovered from it but be glad that is the only thing you caught in a strip club. I've been to some low class strip clubs and was offered things there by the strippers that I would never do, and fear of STD is the main reason.
5. I totally understand how you are using the strip clubs to fill the void in your life of being alone. I know that is why I would go to strip clubs by myself because i was feeling alone and wanted some interaction with a female. But in the end it is just hurting you both financially and mentally. You should check with your health insurance from work and see if they offer free counseling sessions. My health coverage offered 6 free counseling sessions, and I was going through something a few months back (totally unrelated to porn or strippers) and found it very helpful to talk to someone about it. If you don't have that, look for a local sex addict anonymous group around you.

 

I visited strip clubs years ago. Lately the greatest temptation for me has been camming sites. I know the women are there for $$$ but part of me doesn't care and gets off on the short hits of attention they give. Counseling has helped me, dealing with issues from my youth. Also have been involved in an SAA group online...Best wishes to all.

 

I wish you well. I know what it's like to spend money on these fruitless pursuits. I'm paying off a significant credit card debt from camming addiction.

 

I never really had a problem with strippers. Only ever visited a strip club once, and decided never again after spending too much money there. However, I did have a long time problem with wasting money on escorts, which is probably similar, so perhaps I can offer some advice that might help you, as I've been free of escorts for several months now.

The thing that I recommend is investing. Each time they money comes in for my work, I pay some straight into a savings account (which I can access in case of emergencies, but there is no credit or debit card connected with that account, so I wouldn't be able to pull the money out at a brothel or a strip club on demand), and I use some to purchase some shares, then leave enough in my main bank account to cover the week's expenses and maybe some smaller luxuries (like a nice meal out or something like that).

What I have found is that my desire to see escorts has diminished greatly, to the point that I can browse escort websites and not feel tempted. Usually I'm thinking something like "Oh, she's nice, but way too expensive. I think I'll skip it". This, combined with the buzz I get from seeing the balance of my savings account and share portfolio increase each month has enabled me to stay off escorts completely for several months (indeed, I had already started reducing my use with them without really trying once I started this). I imagine it would work similarly with strip clubs, Cam girls or any of the other things we waste money on.

Oh, and if you have a credit card debt, then this is an emergency. It should be paid off ASAP. I had one of those some years ago too, but I found I could get a buzz from watching it gradually shrink from $10,000 to nothing.

 

Hey mate,
Great to hear that you're doing better, and that you have found ways to inspire yourself to quit. Truly, a huge step.

I personally haven't had an issue with this, strip-clubs, paying for cam shows.... That wasn't my thing. But, what I can say is to be careful. You may be completely fine walking past now, saying no, resisting temptation. This is the inspiration working it's magic - inspiration is great until it isn't. Inspiration runs out, and unless you've built solid habits like mentioned above, saving, paying down debt, getting dopamine literally from saving money, kayaking, finding a winter hobby, you will be in trouble.

When you mentioned walking past the strip-club, it set off an alarm-bell in my mind. It doesn't matter how cheap the store next door is, it doesn't matter if it's the fastest way to work. You need to make deliberate decisions to avoid your trigger, which is the club. Or any club. Without genuine, real lifestyle changes you will inevitably fail. (also, how convenient that a discount store would be right next to a club? Says it all.)

Again, I speak from more of a PMO mindset, but these things ring true for all addictions. If you were an alcoholic, would you go to a bar 10-days after going sober and expect to be fine? Would you walk past the bar and not eventually think "ah, what's one drink?", then 3-months later it's full-steam ahead.

This is a journey with ups and downs, but it is completely worth it to regain control of your life and no longer be a slave to dopamine and temptation. Good luck. Set good habits. Don't give up. You've got this.