You are right. Its the over thinking that has gotten toxic. Another reply here said I need to look in the mirror and see myself as a free man, rather than assuming that I'll be free after day 90, which is another trap. I just stop. Thats it. Thanks for opening another door for me!
Aside from deep connection, do you see any other deep rooted problems that might be contributing to this behavior such as trauma etc?
You never really want the fear of relapsing to stop you from going at it again. Like others have mentioned, we have no choice but to keep going. I have a similar issue as you. I once had a 90 days streak and I’m currently struggling to get it back. I am also stuck in building a career for myself getting stressed over it and battling with PMO addiction. While you are building your career as a software engineer, be wary not to throw yourself completely into work such that you burnout and come back to relapse to porn. With focus, give yourself time to heal, declutter and detox as much as you can, even if it might include significantly reducing screentime on all ends. Goodluck with the fight!
Start with finding more support. From there, you can learn from others more tools and insight that will help you along this journey. I don't consider NoFap an adequate connection by itself. Don't sidestep this important need. I don't expect any addict to break free from these porn symptoms without it.
Thanks alot for the replies people! I have undertook my Nofap streak, will start psychology sessions and will go to the gym and work hard again. See you guys at day 90!
Maybe or maybe not. I bet there are loads of men out there that are happy and trauma-free yet still porn developed a habit.